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Joined: Oct 1999
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HI Guys,<BR> Well, we knew it would happen but here we go!! W called all upset saying OM/H is playing real hard on her fears and on the sympathy.<BR> I all fairness to HIM, she hasn't really let the hammer all the way down yet. I mean, she filed for the annulment, told him she wants OUT of the Marriage, told him that it was WRONG from the beginning and that they were selfish and hurt a lot of people, moved into the spare bedroom etc... BUT, she hasn't told him that she still loves me....yet. He heard all the BAD things (real and imagined) about me during the affair. And he figured I was some kind of MONSTER he was saving her from. And NOW, the "Love of his life" YUCK..... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] is leaving him and he doesn't know why, well I'm sure he KNOWS but doesn't want to face it. Because WHY would she leave him to go back to the MONSTER? What did HE ever do to her but save her???<P> So as a result, he thinks this is just a touch of guilt and will blow over. He is playing real hardball with the guilt. He is 62 and left his fiancé's of 9 years to RUN off with my W. Before it was "I was going to leave anyway" Now I'm sure it's "I gave up my LIFE to be with you"!! He's threatening to jump off a bridge and says he just looks out the window and cries while she's at work. She said she didn't believe him so he cried into his pillow last night (she said she didn't actually see him or hear him but the movement was like crying) I wonder if he was faking just to get to her? <BR> He claims he's moving out into a studio apartment above his office this week. W said he hasn't packed anything and if he doesn't by Thursday, she's going to a motel. (she told me I didn't ask)<BR> He also put ALL the bills on the table so she would see that SHE can't pay them without HIM. He told her she would end up in a slummy place because it's all she can afford alone with a $500 car payment!!<BR> AND, I'm sure he drops a little reminder every now and then about how unhappy she WAS before!! <BR> Whew, OK it's off my chest.. I wish I could tell her what to do BUT, I can't save her and I can't educate her. She needs to figure it out herself. This is the hard part for me because it's my nature to get on a white horse and scoop her up and take her away from danger. Always have. I was wrong because she needs to face things herself sometimes!! This, I CAN'T do for her. <P> Well I COULD, I could just go over there with a U-HAUL and sit him down and explain he needs to leave now, he's caused enough problems in MY Marriage and throw all his stuff in the truck and hand him the keys!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <BR> It would take a VERY small truck too!! One of the things that used to REALLY bother me was the fact that this guy never brought anything to the dance!!<BR> He was sitting at MY kitchen table, drinking out of MY mugs, using MY dishes and forks, spoons, knives, glasses, pots and pans, watching MY TV (guys, a new 27" SONY TRINITRON!! OUCH!!), with his feet on MY oriental rug patting MY dog, in a house that $10,000.00 dollars of MY money bought with MY Wife!!<BR> Now, I feel sorry for him somewhat. I mean, we all know how much this hurts RIGHT?? HOW CAN I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM???? IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES, isn't it?? <BR> <BR>She hasn't TOLD him but I'm sure he KNOWS because he's always asking her if she talked to me. When she says Why? He says because you always act distant and cold after you talk to HIM. <BR> Well, I need to be patient and let God handle this. He's been doing GREAT so far!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Any ideas?? <BR> GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK

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Hey Frank,<P>well done.<P>But you've answered your own question. This is one she needs to do on her own, and figure out for herself.<P>Of course she needs to know that you'll be there waiting for her, but she already knows that doesn't she???<P>As much as it galls me (on your behalf) to say this, you must let her and him sort this out. This is their business. Yep, he did all those things to you, and invaded your marriage, but isn't he getting his just deserts now!! Serve him jolly well right.<P>(Yippee, I can live my fantasies through you!!!!!)<P>It burns my butt too to think of my ex-h's gf sitting on my couch and actually sleeping in my marital bed......... but, if she has any decency, (????) she must surely feel a semblance of 'yuckiness' about it too....<P>Anyway, I digress.<P>Your w is on her way out of the fog. From what I've read and learnt here, be prepared for her feelings of guilt and shame. They may be expressed with anger or distance. You need to remain loving and strong for her. I have no doubt that this will be well within your capabilities. I have every faith in you.<P>keep well, and keep strong.<P>I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, and keep you in my prayers.<P>hugs to you<P>Jo

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HI JO,<BR> "Actually sleeping in my marital bed"<BR> OH GOD!! Can I have the address PLEEEASE?? I'd love to talk to OW for you!! What a BIT** Sorry, but that really gets me angry AGGGHHHHHHHH!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR> WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??????? I will be here for you whe SHE gets served HER "Just Deserts" ..... can't wait!! <BR> Thanks for the vote of confidence. I hope I can remain strong when it gets tougher for her. All I keep telling her is that I have faith in her and that God is with her and she is stronger now than she thinks. She just doesn't want to hurt him.<BR> A funny thing got uncovered today when she told me he was crying. She said to me "You NEVER cried through all this, not even once"<BR> Well, I reminded her of our first Wedding Anniversery when I called her and cried for a least 45 minutes on the phone.<BR> SHE DIDN'T REMEMBER IT!! Can you believe that?? Talk about fog. She was honestly shocked to hear it because I only cried twice in 15 years and it used to really unnerve her!! She couldn't believe she didn't come right over and hold me. She said "if" she had, she would have never left. She even said "That was sooo cold of me" and asked what I did when I hung up. I cried more of course!!<BR> I think he purpose of this coming out NOW was it "defused" HIS crying. Who knows??? GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom and PRAYER is why!!"


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