My H and I have been trying to work things out after multiple incidences of infidelity. I asked that we go to counselling but I also kicked his butt out to his mother's about 60 miles from me so he could think about what he wants. He said he could not be with me b/c I could produce no children for me and I didn't want them. This was known from the day we started getting serious. We've been together for ten yers and just celebrated (?) our 8th anniversay. After his move to his mother's and my saying that I did not want to be with him any more that I could not trust him or believe the words that came out of his mouth he calls me days later to day he was wrong that he wants me that He can't see life w/o me and he could not bare the thought of not seeing or talking to me for the rest of his life. So we were reconcilling. Since he took a job near his mothers he stayed up there and came on weekends to visit. I he still had not been wearing his wedding ring. This past weekend we signed papers on a new car and he said how incredible I was and how smart to get the deal I did -- blah, blah, and 50 choruses of I love you. On Saturday I asked what were his plans to move back - he then said he didn't know. He wasn't sure about the relationship. He had MET someone else at work. <P>It really burns me up and I am so devistated. I can't find all the pieces to put back together. I have tried suicide twice in my life and am curretly on anti-depressants and am starting counselling next month (hard to get an appointment). I am thinking about my rotten life and how this can happen over and over and over and how I could believe such crap. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I cry A LOT! I pray and I pray that I can deal with this pain until I get to the other side of this. AND I cry. I just don't understand the reasoning behind all this. I do think I have a clue. He had an affair with his best friends wife before I met him. She was young and had a kid and was emtionally miserable. After our marriage he had an affair - young sweet thing with emotional needs due relationship difficulites. He met another woman on line and did the cyber sex thing - again another needy woman in marital/personal trouble. This latest one I don't know a thing about, don't have a clue who she is - don't want to know, but I can guess what's going on with her. <P>I know I should go through a divorce b/c I can't live this way anymore but how do I cope. How can i live without someone that took 10 years of my life and just tossed it out the window on a whim and some bimbo. <P>I have been thinking about suicide again and last night I tried to call the suicide hot line but they were busy - that's great. I just don't have good coping skills - not for this anyway. <P>

What an [censored]!!!! Sorry I just had to get that out!<BR> I hope that you dont ever get back together with him again. You will get over him. I know that it isnt easy to get over someone that has shared the past 10 years with you, however he has gotten over you and uses you for companionship in between other woman. Dont be used by him again!!!! MOVE ON!!! There really are great guys out there. I am divorced (with kids) and newly married to this wonderful guy! I just want you to know that they do exist however you wont be looking nor will you find one as long as you are with that loser!!!<BR> Dont ever commit suicide, it will only get you a ticket to hell and that is a much worse place. Dont give him your life like that. Time heals all wounds, just take it one day at a time, and do things for yourself that make you feel good. Do you like to excersize, go to movies, write poetry, read, take candlelite baths or walks on the ocean? Do things for you that make you feel good, who knows maybe you'll meet mr. wonderful while making yourself happy <P><BR>

stecar70: <P>Thanks for the answer. He is an [censored] and I was just his doormat for so long. I don't suspect that in the future he would be faithful to anyone or anything. I just don't understand the depth of pain that one human can inflict on another purposefully. I can't even use a newspaper on my dog. Don't get me wrong my dogs are very obedience trained but to just be that cruel, ultimately cruel is pathetic. I guess it's kind of a narcissistic behavior to see himself as a savior -- I don't know. I get mad, I get happy, I get confused. I'm scared to be alone with the house, the car and utilities payments. I just want this to stop. <P>I am glad that you found someone wonderful. I am happy for you. I wish I could do that same but for now I know I must be alone and get my "stuff" together. I said "I Do" and he said "I think, maybe, yea why not -for now".