Question --<P>I walked out of our house with our two sons on Sunday.<P>I'm sure H (BS) will file for Divorce soon.<P>I went to speak to an attorney to find out my options. In doing so, I found out he is representing OW's Husband in their divorce. <P>I have an uncontrollable urge to call OW's H and shed some light on the A and ask questions from his perspective.<P>Have any of you done this? Please give me some feedback.<P>Thanks<BR>

Here's one who did: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002075.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002075.html</A> <P>Whoops ... that was actually REJECTED's call to the OW ... not an OW's husband.<p>[This message has been edited by Sisyphus (edited February 22, 2001).]

Hi,<P>Wait I'm a little confused. Is your H the betrayed spouse or the wayward spouse? I'll just assume he's the one who had the affair because that's how it sounds.<P>It depends on whether you want to try to save your marriage or not. I did call OW's XH because my H was going to quit his job and get a new one, and I was paranoid that she was going to follow him to his new company. I called her X to find out if he had any information that could put my mind to rest. Well, low and behold, the guy had no idea that his wife divorced him for my H and was really out of control. I had intended a private conversation to share information basically to see if I had any reason whatsoever to trust my H ever again, and then her XH called her right away and let her have it, then called everyone he knew and told them she was screwing my H, which was bad because they ALL worked at the same company. Well, any progress I had made with my H from Plan A was flushed immediately and he moved out shortly after. I signed my last married signature today.<P>Think. If you have any hope to reconcile, it might not be a good idea. A person right out of an affair is still in a fog and is likely to want to rush to the OW's defense over yours at this point.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

I would advise against it. I called my then wife's om's wife, more to just talk and get her feelings. We talked for a while and I siad some things about my then w.<P>Om's wife must have run right to her husband and told him everything I had said in an attempt to sour her husband on my wife. <P>Well of course, om told my w and she immediately called and started berating me. It was a huge lovebuster.<P>A friend of mine who wnet through all of this years ago, told me too, not to involve the op's spouse (of course this was after I had done it.)

Like Sisyphus said, I spoke with the OW (several times) I believe her XH wanted to contact me to shed light on the affair. My STBXH told me that if he tried to talk to me, to just walk away. My STBXH told me that he was "Crazy". I told my husband, what could this man do or say to me that would even come close to the pain you've inflicted on me. I say, bring him on!!!<P>Anyhow, talking with the OW has helped me. If anything it has helped me to let go of alot of the anger I felt towards her. I also realized (I am still trying to believe it) that she isn't better than me. It was painful to hear what my husband was doing for another woman, while he should have been taking care of me. Lord knows, I took care of him. But the thing is, we (the OW and I) were both honest with each other. I don't know if this helps you or not. <BR>I got a first hand perspective from the actual participant in the affair. I don't know if speaking to the OW's H would be that enlightening. <BR>I agree with weirded out, regarding reconciliation, I might be rambling!!!!

I think after the divorce is in process, you prob. should not contact the OP spouse. When I was still trying to save my marriage, the OW'S H called me to let me know it was still going on, and we kept each other appraised of the situation. It was funny how our stories were so similar. We talked for over 7 months. Now, try not to LB when you KNOW your H is lying to you...I heard his and the OW conversations!!(yes it is illegal, but it was still an eyeopener to hear them talking.) <P>But, since the D was filed, we quit talking. Anymore after that would have prolonged both of our pain. I hope he is doing ok, and wish him well. We became unlikely friends in the midst of two families going through hell. <P>------------------<BR>Susan