I am basically hyperventilating at the very moment. My husband just called me at work, and luckily I am the only one in the office at the moment, because he was so cruel & hurtful and I am crying uncontrollably.<P>How does something like our loving marriage end up becoming something that he can't get rid of fast enough. Trash, that is all I am to him. My tears are flowing right now, like never before.<BR>Help me please.

(((((((((((((( rejected )))))))))))))))<P>stand tall....you are a good human being.....<P>his loss...

Hey rejected. I am with you. I am doing the say thing as I read your post. My H decided I wasn't worth it either. Everytime the phone rings and I see that it's not him I just fall apart. I don't know what I can say to make you feel better. No body can tell me anything at the moment either. It's like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes just no light and no tunnel, no end. <P>I am sorry for you. I know what you are going through. Don't lose your job. Don't lose. <P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by REJECTED:<BR><B>I am basically hyperventilating at the very moment. My husband just called me at work, and luckily I am the only one in the office at the moment, because he was so cruel & hurtful and I am crying uncontrollably.<P>How does something like our loving marriage end up becoming something that he can't get rid of fast enough. Trash, that is all I am to him. My tears are flowing right now, like never before.<BR>Help me please.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Rejected--<P>Just remember this...your worth as a person has nothing to do with anything your H says or does. He is being cruel right now solely to relieve his own guilt, to distance himself from you, to protect his relationship with OW and own self-image...after all, if he can convince himself you are not worth his time, it lets him off the hook, doesn't it? BUT, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, OR YOUR INNATE WORTH...That remains untouched, no matter what cr*p he hands out.<P>Hugs & prayers--<P>Kathi

Rejected,<P> ouch!!!! and whatever the conversation was. It was probably a bunch of "stupid" lies.False accusations. Hey, mine even rewrote history!<P> Well don't believe them. Don't even acknowledge you even heard it. My WS H suggests the BS just laugh, and say yea right!<P> Lotsa hugs and prayers<BR><P>------------------<BR>Deb

Rejected,<P>I read your previous threads and it sounds like you are in the early stages of this betrayal. And you have a new, great job your are worried about losing because of your emotional upheaval right now. Am I reading this correctly? <P>I'm not sure what your STBXH is saying to you in these telephone calls, but am going to assume he is attacking your self esteem, putting you down and belittling you. He's telling you things that are mean and hurtful. <P>Is there any way you can take time off from work? If you can call in sick, stay home and BE SICK about the situation... cry, scream, let yourself be ANGRY!!!! <P>Then, you must find yourself again. You are obviously a very capable, accomplished person. You have skills which you've cultivated to earn your new work position. Believe in yourself!<P>Your STBXH is trying to hurt you in order to build himself up. Unfortunately, you are letting him succeed. I don't want this to sound cruel because I KNOW you are hurting and in pain. But, only you can put an end to this.<P>As others have advised you - set boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. If you don't want to hear the garbage he spews, don't accept his calls - either at work or at home. Is there that much left in the house that you need to return? If not, then leave it! - or have someone else go retrieve your things!<P>Until you have your strength back, and can calmly face him (or talk to him on the phone) without feeling so crushed - avoid contact as much as you can. <P>I'm not sure if this is strictly within the MB guidelines, but this approach worked for me in a similar situation. <P>Be brave, be strong, be well. You have found a great support structure on this board and those who post are blessed with much love and wisdom.<P>

{{{Rejected}}}<P>I hope youre STBXH will wake up and realize how much he is hurting you. And stop.<P>I hope things are better for you today. Your post makes me mindful ... because I am trying to wrap things up with my XW (which I believe is what she wants--but could I be wrong?). Is it possible that I am, in my own way, being hurtful to her? <P>Sometimes I feel like since she "threw me away" she has no rights and shouldn't care what I do. Other times, I recognize my own part not just in the breakup of the marriage, but in doing things that foreclosed reconciliation (would I have been kidding myself if I had just focused on work and some sort of Plan A? Who knows? But I wish I had been over here on DD and on EN during that time, instead of sticking to "Why Women Leave Men" ... advice there was from a single person, and I didn't see all the stories over here that were much more like my own. I might have had more hope). <P>What to do now is a very tough call. For both of us.

Rejected,<P>First, go to the bathroom and cry until you feel like stopping (it could be a while). You may need to take a day off--I'd say it's a sick day, because you're taking a day off for MENTAL health.<P>Second, write me a nice long email at cindy_wolfe@blm.gov. Say exactly what is on your mind, as much as you want to share, and you know that I'll listen and understand.<P>Third, accept this GIGANTIC hug:{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{REJECTED}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Okay another one: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{REJECTED}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm not letting go, and I won't either.<P>Last but not least, keep on telling yourself, like a mantra, that this has nothing to do with the woman and person that you are. This only has to do with him. You are funny, smart, interesting, pretty, independent, strong, brave, sensitive, loving, unselfish, successful, honest, vulnerable, good, helpful, thoughtful, and playful. Keep on telling yourself over and over and over. <P>Love you girl!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I can't believe how long it took me to calm down last night. I refused his calls later in the evening and again at work today. I don't need to take it. There was a message on my voice mail from him, telling me how sorry he was for being so mean. How many times I have heard that!! I'm sorry I was having a bad day, or I'm not feeling well, or what I think is the true reason is: I just needed to get all of my frustrations out on the only person who will listen and has always been there for me, because I certainly don't want to upset the "new woman" she doesn't need that, she's special.