<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sisyphus:<BR><B>I think if angry women wanted to turn it around, the characteristics removed would be emotional intelligence and selflessness. Both sides need to do better.<P>Nobody's right and nobody's wrong. It's just that it takes willingness to observe, think, communicate, change and accept--without which the gulf will never be bridged. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sisyphus,<P>Point well taken. Would you be interested in an unscientific survey of the posts on this site? <P>Lets count up the number of posts by women who tell us that their husbands deserted or abandoned them. Then we can compare them with the number of posts where women say that they drove their husbands away. Might give us an idea of just how wide that gulf is that needs to be bridged.<P>I know you are going through a very difficult time right now, and I really have to admire the way you manage to get outside of yourself to share with others on this site. Your posts are very enlightening, the depth of thought is compelling. You remind me of the guys I went to school with. You would have fit right in at Smokey Joe's round table while we while we downed a few pints and argued about Sartre, Jenet, Hemmingway and Stein. We all wound up in divorce court.<P>I don't know, but maybe some of us are too smart to hold our marriages together. I've never man a man who was too dumb.<P>Thanks for the comeback.<P>Bumper <p>[This message has been edited by Bumperii (edited February 27, 2001).]

Dey1,<P>If you want to understand the deep emotional<BR>turmoil your wife is going through..read the<BR>book "The Wounded Heart"..<P>I'd thought I'd "dealt" with my abuse too until I read that book..I'd dealt with the suface things..but never the internal hurts<BR>until I started reading that book..then it's like..an entire new world opened up to me..<BR>things I've never understood began to make sense..it took me three months to read that book..because of all the emotional issues it hit on..I'd put it down..pick it up..I'd be in tears for days..you could buy her and you a copy, she may not read it..but she may do what I did..LOL...a friend of sent it to me and I was like..."I don't NEED THIS" I've dealt with my past...but then I'd read a couple pages and be like..WOW THATS ME!!! <BR>And I'd get scared because I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with it..but I was..but I continued to pick the book up and put it down..for about two months..until I finally read the entire thing...so you could try that..and if you read it too, you may be able to help her by learning what she's going through...<P>if you haven't been there for her emotionally over the years and telling her to Just get over it..or deal with it..and she's not ready to deal w/ it..she'll run..<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ThornedRose:<BR><B>Dey1,<P>If you want to understand the deep emotional<BR>turmoil your wife is going through..read the<BR>book "The Wounded Heart"..<P>I'd thought I'd "dealt" with my abuse too until I read that book..I'd dealt with the suface things..but never the internal hurts<BR>until I started reading that book..then it's like..an entire new world opened up to me..<BR>things I've never understood began to make sense..it took me three months to read that book..because of all the emotional issues it hit on..I'd put it down..pick it up..I'd be in tears for days..you could buy her and you a copy, she may not read it..but she may do what I did..LOL...a friend of sent it to me and I was like..."I don't NEED THIS" I've dealt with my past...but then I'd read a couple pages and be like..WOW THATS ME!!! <BR>And I'd get scared because I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with it..but I was..but I continued to pick the book up and put it down..for about two months..until I finally read the entire thing...so you could try that..and if you read it too, you may be able to help her by learning what she's going through...<P>if you haven't been there for her emotionally over the years and telling her to Just get over it..or deal with it..and she's not ready to deal w/ it..she'll run..<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for your suggestion. I searched through the books we had and discovered that my wife had in fact read "The Wounded Heart" by Dr. Dan B. Allender quite a while ago. I had a joint counseling session with her, two of our pastors, and our regular counselor today. She still seems to believe that all problems in her life are because of other people. The list is long: her brother, her mother, her father, her step-sister, her grand-parents, her first employer, her current employer, and her prior employer and now me are all the problem. She won't accept any thoughts I have related to our issues and seems quite happy now that she is not "burdened" with our relationship. I would very much appreciate any insights you have on how I should respond at this point. We concluded our counseling session with agreeing to try to have times together without any discussion of the issues between us. She seems determined to prove she doesn't need our relationship and that she has learned to "be her own person" and "think for herself". She seems to desire independence rather than interdependence. <P>Thanks again for your insights.

Thank you to all who have shared your insights. It is encouraging to hear from those of you who have "gone through the valley" in similar situations. Your thoughts have helped me to gain perspective.<P>Thanks again.