Hi all,<BR>The whole story is posted over in GQ 2. To make a long story short though, I finally got the D papers on Saturday. I really though that they were going to be delivered on Valentines day ( it would be just like my wife). <P>No matter how much I prepared myself for this, it still really hurt when I opened up the envelope and read the complaint. In our state it is no fault and when I saw her grounds for divorce as being "Irreconcilable Differences" I wanted to throw up. Her affair is the reason that she wants out and that is the "difference" that is causing the problem.<P>Along with the papers and some other stuff that happened...it was not a good weekend. (See story in GQ2)<P>Will this nightmare ever end...<P>Mike

I'm sorry that happened. <P>You will have to go to a lawyer now and learn about your options. Martindale-hubbell.com can help you find one. The hardcopy, with more detail, should be in your local library. <P>It's not time to quit. You don't quit until the last dog dies.<P>All you can do is work on you--Plan A. Focus on improving yourself and your behavior, and reducing or redirecting the emotions that bring you no progress. Keep forgiveness in your soul and bitterness out. <P>If your doctor believes you need it, get on one of the antidepressants, and don't be afraid to mention any ineffectiveness or side effects that appear--you may need to rotate them until you find the one that works best. <P>Good luck.

Mike...<P>You need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... Use the online site... for finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P> <P>Jim

Hi Jim and Sis,<BR>I have had a very good attorney since October when this all started to unravel. She has just been waiting for me to contact her with more info. I now have more than I really barganed for. I meet with her this afternoon and will then know what my options are.<P>My W has lied her way through this since the beginning, and I now wonder if I will ever be able to trust or believe her again. I keep finding out nes things every once in a while now and they just send me back to square one with my anger towards her. I wish that she would just come clean...all at once so that I could deal with it all at once instead of this bit by bit process. <P>I would like to think that there is a reconciliation possible, but the probablity of that fades as the days go by. I am sure that sometime she will find that the grass that she thought was green on the other side is actually poison ivy and that the internal rash that she will get will be not be worth all the pain she has caused. Right now, she says she is happy. She doesn't have to answer to anyone. Hence the fact that she can't handle responsibility!<P>Is this a mid-life crisis??? It certainly appears to be along with the A.<P>Mike

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mbtrk:<BR><B>I wish that she would just come clean...all at once so that I could deal with it all at once instead of this bit by bit process.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Have you considered that if you were with her and reacted appropriately to one revelation, it might be followed in quick succession by another? When it's coming out bit-by-bit it's because that's the only way it feels safe to do it.<P>

Hey Sis,<BR>I have actually thought about just that...the other possibility is that the councilor that she is seeing has told her that I don't need to know everything, and as a result, she isn't telling unless she has to!<BR>Mike