IT'S BEEN 3 YEARS SINCE MY HUSBANDS AFFAIR<BR>AND I AM STILL VERY ANGRY. I CAN'T FORGET THE<BR>LIES, DECEIT AND THE DOUBLE-CROSSING HE IN-<BR>FLICTED ON ME. AT THIS POINT WE ARE VERY WITHDRAWN FROM EACH OTHER, HAVE 2 KIDS, AND<BR>HAVE VERY LITTLE CONVERSATION, UNLESS WE ARE<BR>DISCUSSING THE KIDS, BILLS, OR HOUSEHOLD PROBLEMS. I KNOW THAT A LOT OF THE DISTANCE<BR>THATS BEEN CREATED IS DUE TO THE FACT THAT<BR>IT HAS BEEN DIFFICULT FOR ME TO FORGIVE AND FORGET. IN ADDITION, HE STILL LIES TO ME, AND<BR>MAY EVEN HAVE CHEATED ON ME AGAIN SINCE THE<BR>LAST AFFAIR. I AM EXTREMELY LONELY IN THIS<BR>HOUSEHOLD. I DON'T LIKE HIM ANYMORE.<BR>I HATE THE IDEA OF DIVORCE, AND ONLY LEARNED<BR>OF THIS WEBSITE AND THE CONCEPTS IN IT, LESS<BR>THAN A WEEK AGO. I ALSO HAVE A STRONG DESIRE FOR REVENGE AND FEEL THAT HE DESERVES TIT-FOR-TAT. PLEASE OFFER SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.

Welcome <B>imok</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It deals with desire to recover a relationship...<BR>...and from your post it is difficult to see if that is the perspective you come with...<BR>...but you may want to check it out anyway.<P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>About "Internet Ettiquette"...<BR>...try not to type in "all CAPS"...<BR>...it's the style you would use "to yell".<P>Forgetting comes very slowly....<BR>...by our human nature...<BR>...but for forgiveness...<BR>...check these out...<BR><B>Web sites..</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P><B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><BR><B>Anger Management:</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0806509376" TARGET=_blank><B>Anger : How to Live With and Without It</B></A> by Albert Ellis <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1879237970" TARGET=_blank><B>Angry All the Time :</B> An Emergency Guide to Anger Control</A> by Ron Potter-Efron, Ronald T. Potter-Efron <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0800786467" TARGET=_blank><B>Getting the Best of Your Anger</B></A> by Les Carter <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006615.html" TARGET=_blank>How to rebuild my spouse's trust?</A>…..redman…..8/23/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000274.html" TARGET=_blank>Things my husband did to rebuild trust</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/17/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002831.html" TARGET=_blank>on knowing the "truth" </A>…..loveWASblind=lWb/popeye…..5/9/2000<P>---------------------------------------<P>We often recommend a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>If you have given up...<BR>...it may prove to be irrelevant...<BR>...for your marriage...<P>...but beneficial to any new relationship you develop (and that is going to take a long time...)<P>Consider reconciliation...<BR>Consider Plan A...<BR>But most of all... consider staying here and learning more about what we are all about.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Hi Imok<P>Welcome aboard. Dr. Harley has some excellent columns on infidelity accessable from the MB home page. Hope you find them helpful.<P>Sorry to hear about the problem with continuing resent. Will Rogers once noted that "Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other fella to die." It is hurting you more that it is him.<P>Forgiveness isn't a simple question, what it comes down to in our culture is that the innocent and injured party decides to forgo revenge. It is natural to want to hit back, but if you read Dr. Harleys columns, you'll find out it doesn't work. Trust me, I had an affair following my wife's infidelity. By the time it was over, we lost the house, kids, car, and even the damn dog left.<P>Really recommend you seek competent professional help that uses Marriage Builders principles.<P>You are in our prayers<P>Bumper

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bumperii:<BR><B>Hi Imok<P>Welcome aboard. Dr. Harley has some excellent columns on infidelity accessable from the MB home page. Hope you find them helpful.<P>Sorry to hear about the problem with continuing resent. Will Rogers once noted that "Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other fella to die." It is hurting you more that it is him.<P>Forgiveness isn't a simple question, what it comes down to in our culture is that the innocent and injured party decides to forgo revenge. It is natural to want to hit back, but if you read Dr. Harleys columns, you'll find out it doesn't work. Trust me, I had an affair following my wife's infidelity. By the time it was over, we lost the house, kids, car, and even the damn dog left.<P>Really recommend you seek competent professional help that uses Marriage Builders principles.<P>You are in our prayers<P>Bumper</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <P><BR>Bumper,<BR>thanks for your help. I am applying the information that I read in Dr. Harley's<BR>column... "plan A", and so far the last<BR>several days between my spouse and me have<BR>been pleasant. <P>thank you,<P>imok<BR>