For those who don't know my H is the ws. I moved out (with the kids) one week ago. I am almost numb with my decision. I cried so hard the first few days I got weak and exhausted. But, now, I don't really have the gut-wrethching anguish 24/7, just off and on.<P>But, I did an incredibly stupid thing yesterday. I woke up at 3:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep. So, finally at 4:00 I got up and got ready for work. By 5:20 I had drank about as many cups of coffee as I could stand and decided to take my laundry over to "our house" (where he is living) and get it taken care of. <P>Everything would have been fine with that. He was sleeping and wouldn't have even noticed I was there, except I felt incredibly lonely, woke him up and asked if he'd come downstairs with me. <P>I did not try to "make any moves" on him (the fact that he has/is slept/sleeping with OW disgusts me!). I did tell him however that I was lonely and asked if he'd hold me.<P>He said "what am I supposed to say?" I said I don't know, I thought that if having sex with me over the last 6 months meant nothing to him I assumed that cuddling me would have the same affect on him. Well, he didn't hold me, I guess I didn't really expect he would, but we talked and shared a blanket on the couch. He said You know I still like talking to you, here and on the phone, but you know it can't be more than that, right? I blurted out, "ever?" -- He said well, not now.<P>Now, I'm wondering -- he currently has the opportunity to see OW whenever he wants (unless my children are present), and I know he has been doing so. We live in a very small town and when his vehicle is parked at her house all night long -- it's going to get back to me.<P>Anyway -- he hugged me, caressed my back and I told him to go back to bed, I'd finish my laundry and go to work.<P>While he was hugging me, I had the incredible urge to tell him "I LOVE YOU!" I really do, even after what he is putting me and our kids through. I just want him to "get over her" and get some counseling and work on us. <P>Is it wrong for me to keep saying and reminding him how much I love him, even though I know he wants to use this time to be with OW?<P>I don't want him to think I'm just giving him to her -- no strings attached, but I don't want to push him to her by caring too much.<P>Please help --<BR>sun<BR>

Whether you say "I love you" depends on whether you're in Plan A or not ... definitely not, I would think, in Plan B. But in Plan A, it would depend on whether your saying that would be meeting one of <I>his</I> needs, or would merely be a clingy bid to get one of <I>your</I> needs met. In the latter case, don't say it.