I might be wrong, but I thought marriage was shared, not needy. I mean, I don't think either spouse should be totally dependent on the other one, but there are definetly times that you should share. If I ask my husband a question, he usually doesn't answer. I find we always have one way conversations. He is usually reading a book about a historic event, usually something military oriented. We eat meals together, and I have to ask him to turn off the TV, or put the book away, so we can talk. Sometimes I purposely don't say much, just to see if he'll start a conversation. He usually doesn't. Oh, he knows it bugs me when he totally ignores me, so he'll give me an obligatory "how was your day". There isn't much humor in our marriage, he's so serious all the time. I had friends from an earlier career who laughed at stories that I told about things that happened to me during business travel. They still ask me to repeat some of those stories. However, the first time I told my husband, he was only half listening, and when I brought something up again, he just said in an annoyed manner, "yeah, you told me". He is basically a nice guy. He's not the macho type, he's intelligent, and he's real friendly to other people. But, he can't laugh at himself, or at his mistakes. I always admit if I made a mistake, and I laugh at good humored teasing from my friends. Physically, I'm very well built, and I'm pretty. I'm also smart, and sometimes I miss my old career. But, I'm in a career now where I don't make as much, but I have more time because I don't travel as much. I think I'm getting depressed because for so long I have felt lonely in this marriage. We've been married for 16 years and he's rarely in the mood to make love. I usually initiate it, and I'm often told "not tonight". When he initiates it, I can't get in the mood after a week of arguing, or little communication. I had a brief fling with a great guy I used to work with, and when that ended (he was married with three kids- my husband and I have no children) my heart was broken. But we both knew it was wrong. And we never made love, or anything like that. It just felt good to have someone who walked real close to me and to look into my eyes when he spoke to me and to actually be interested in what I was thinking or how I felt. I feel so lonely. I wish I could save enough money to move away and start a new life. I need a job that makes me feel great again, and a guy who is fun to be with. I feel like "is that all there is?" If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. I bring up the subject of marriage counseling enough that he is sick of hearing it. He told me he doesn't see any problems and then he walks out of the room. That's how my husband handles problems. He walks away or forgets about it, instead of talking it out and taking care of it.

Read this website from back to front. Read the Dr. books and you will understand why you are lonley. There is a way for the both of you to be happy together. He says he doesn't see there is a problem . MAKE him see it. TELL HIM> TELL HIM AGAIN. WRITE HIM A LETTER. GIVE HIM AN ULTIMATUM. IF not then you will leave him eventually. You have to take the bull's by the horns if you want your marriage to work. Stop being unhappy. Stop looking for happiness somewhere else. Find happiness within your marriage. It takes hard work but it is worth it. Good luck

Get some books. I recommend for you "Divorce Busting" by Michele Weiner-Davis, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, "The Marriage Mender" by Thomas Whiteman & Thomas Bartlett, and "Give & Take" by Willard F. Harley Jr (owner of this website). There are great ideas and concepts in each of these books. If you can only read two of them, read the first two, if only one, it's a toss up which to read, but pick one of the first two.<p>Then apply what you learn immediately. You might be surprised at what could happen.<p>terri

Another book you might want to look into is "The Blessing" by Gary Smalley and John Trent. It gives some possible reasons why spouses behave the way they do and also lays out some unilateral changes to make within a marriage that might improve the situation. I know my husband doesn't respond to ultimatums or direct confrontation but subtle changes that include encouragement do have an effect.

Rustynail67,terri and beanie,<br>Thanks for the great advice. I really should read this entire website. I really would rather find happiness in my marriage, not outside of it. I know that when we do things together, and the rare occassions when we have long conversations, there's no one else who I'd rather be with than my husband. And thanks you for the book suggestions. I want to get this straightened out. There's plenty in my life to be happy about, I just want to keep from thinking a better career or another life will make me happy. Right now, I'm probably in the best career, since it gives me a flexible schedule and allows me time for my workouts. But, I will begin this reading today, and again, I appreciate it.