Since my last post, we seem to have made some small steps in the right direction. We have a friend (who is very objective and fair) heloping us through this. He helps keep our discussions more under control and constructive. <p>My husband seems to realise that his mum is the major issue and says he wants to deal with it - but somehow he still protects her and his sister. How can I trust him ? He says all the right things but I still am finding it hard to trust that he will follow through with them.<p>In the meantime, his mum and sister continue to be nasty to me in their subtle ways and because I only speak to them over the phone - he doesn't hear the conversation. I feel like I'm in a corner. The minute I say something about them - he is already defensive. Can this ever work - i don't know!!!<p>Any words of advice will be appreciated.<p>Thanks

This may sound too simplistic, but maybe you should get a speaker phone. Whenever his mother or sister should call, put the call on speaker phone so that your husband can hear the entire conversation - and even participate if he'd like. Then you don't need to tell him anything about the conversation - he already knows. <p>It's always difficult to convince a spouse that their own family is "abusive" of you - they don't want to believe that their flesh and blood can be cruel.<p>terri

BJ--<p>Girly, you're forgetting something very important that most of us wives had to learn.........YOU MARRIED HER BABY AND CORRUPTED HIM WITH YOUR SINFUL SEXUAL WAYS AND SUBJECTED HIM TO A LIFETIME OF SNUGGLING UP AND KISSING YOU AND HE'S GOING TO FORGET ABOUT HER AND THE FAMILY....YOU, YOU, YOU, BABY STEALER!!!!!!!!!<p>Shame isn't it? My mother in law takes a clip at me every chance she gets! And he is oblivious! Honey, I have been married for a little over a year and she has talked about everything from my age (he's 7 years older than I), to my weight, the way that I raise my illegitimate (of course you know she noticed) daughter. I have learned to take it with a grain of salt. Oh, yes and one small weapon......K-I-N-D-N-E-S-S! You'd be surprised whathappens when someone repeated mistreats you and you give 'em love. You'd get a good laugh at the looks on their faces. Of course a lot of the things she says are hurtful. But I just grin and say something sweet about her and believe me, it shuts her up!!! Even if it is only for a minute. Remember, according to her, you whipped your whammy on her baby and she failed to protect him from the likes of you! So she'll try to rescue her precious little one from the jaws of the barracuda (that's us!). don't let her or his sister upset you. Chances are she's doing it because the mom is or vice versa. They do it because they know they can cause confusion and isn't that what they do best?<p>Stand firm girl and be strong and the next time they say something mean to you, respond with something nauseatingly sweet. It works!

I LIKE THE KINDNESS IDEA ALSO. YOU CAN'T CHANGE HER BUT YOUR RESPONSE TO HER COULD EAT YOU UP INSIDE. PRINCESS'S APPROACH COULD HAVE A WONDERFUL HARVEST 20 YEARS FROM NOW BUT AN LIFELONG BATTLE OF BACKBITING AND AND PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR COULD MAKE YOU A VERY DIFFERENT PERSON YEARS FROM NOW.