When we were married, x and I sat aside money for the kids in CDs. The money was to be used for braces, etc. When the divorce papers started I listed them as assets and x said, no that was the kids money and shouldn't be touched as part of the divorce settlement.<P>Last year it was determined that my d wouldn't need braces. So I reinvested the money in a better fashion and also used some of it to take the kids to Disneyland.<P>This year it was determined that my s will need braces. Also the subject of my d driving in a couple years came up. Since all I have is a company car, which no one else can drive, I suggested, that we buy my company car. X said I could use the money for d's braces instead.<P>My problem is, should I ask x to pay half for the car and also pay portion of non-covered medical expenses as outlined in divorce papers? <P>Or should I live up to our original plan when that was setup when we were married?<P>X does pay child support and has been paying me for half the kids activity fees. She also does buy them clothes periodically.<P>I supply the home and all insurance coverages. <P>X's child support is based upon her wages in 1998 for part time work. She now works full time plus some over time.<P>Which brings up another question. SHould I seek an inccrease in CS? I am sure it will cause major problems and she will no longer pay for half the fees and buy them clothes.<P>I have to admit, most of the reason I think of asking for the increase is as a form of punishment, but would be entitled to it because she now makes over 10% more than she was at time of the papers.<P>I would appreciate any and all feed back. I am particularly struggling with these today.<P>Thanks!<P>

Your attorney has the best knowledge of the details, laws, and strategic points involved. Buy a half hour appointment to go over it all.

As I understand it, I am entitled to these options legally. I guess it is more from moral standpoint.<P>I am not having money problems other than having to live from paycheck to paycheck like most people do. I am not used to this and it does scare me sometimes. <P>I have modest amount of investments that I can use if I really needed to, but I am cheap/thrifty/your favorite term when it comes to spending big sums of money, like braces, car, etc.<P>I guess my question is whether it would be worth it to rock the boat with x.<P>In seeking additional child support, my lawyer told me there is 3 ways to do it. I could ask her. I guess I am too chicken to do this.<P>I could have lawyer do it. My lawyer warned against this route as x would get a lawyer and could add all types of stipulations and it could result in court-time that I would have to pay for because I started the paperwork.<P>The third is to ask CPS to do a review of her income. This is the way that I am leaning. I'm not sure how much more I would get as I don't know how much x is making after changing jobs. She told me she took a pay cut at this new job. But since she dsetroyed my trust in her I don't believe her.

RWD,<P>I want to take a whole new way of looking at this. According to the initial agreements that you two made, she has been pretty "cooperative" with making the payments that she is supposed to make. What I mean, is that she is paying, she is buying clothes and paying for activities, and she even said you could use the D's brace money to buy the company car. All-in-all, she is not being resistive or refusing or being a pain in the you-know when it comes to paying what you two agreed to. This is MILES ahead of where a lot of people are with their non-custodial spouse. Many people have to fight and struggle and do all kinds of legal shenanigans just to get their spouses to pay at all, and I realize that you may have also had to jump through tons of hoops to get to this point, but the thing to remember is that you are here. She is paying. She is sharing expenses. After all this, a fairly reasonable balance has been struck.<P>You mentioned that your X is making about 10% more than she was than the agreement was made. So, let's "assume" that she was making $30K and she's now making $33K annually. That's not a huge leap--a jump from about $2000 take home each month to $2200 take home each month. I have to tell you, that I doubt if you are going to get very much more in CS.<P>So, she has been basically paying as she ought to, she has contributed to clothes and activities, and she suggested using D's "braces money" to buy the company car. I'm sure in her mind she is being fair and reasonable. Now, here you come wanting some of her extra $200 a month! The benefits to you are only going to be quite small, but the harm that could be done is large: she could go back to being uncooperative, resistive, and argumentative about the money. The damage done to the kids could also be quite large: they could see their mom as not wanting to participate in their lives and not wanting to be their mom. <P>Now, I do not know all the particulars of the battles you've had to fight to get where you are, and I do not know what damage may or may not have already been done to the kids because mom does/doesn't help pay for them and their stuff. HOWEVER, I do know that for right now, she is paying, she is sharing and she has rather reasonably suggested using the D's money for the car. I would advise carefully considering if the extra $50-$100 is worth throwing all this out of balance. You are finally at a fairly okay state with your X financially--do you really want to wreck all that for an extra couple of bucks a month?<P>My final word here--this is all my opinion purely from a "do the right thing" point of view, not a legal point of view. In reality, I am positive that you are totally entitled to the extra money she makes as a result of her 10% income increase. I'm sure a lawyer could have an entirely different opinion, because by legalities, I'm sure what you are proposing is technically correct. However, you said yourself that most of the reason you are thinking of asking for the increase is as a form of punishment, and I'm pretty sure that you know that "punishing" will just come back to bite you in the end. <P>{{{{{RWD}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

cj,<BR>You are right about the fact that she is paying and I am in far better shape than lots of people here. ALso that my main reason is punishment.<P>I guess its part of the resentment and anger I haven't let go of yet. It rears its ugly head every once and awhile.<P>Between work and the other crap that happened to me this week, I was fried emotionally. So, I took a emotional health day today and went and spent my tax return I haven't gotten yet.<P>I am doing better today!!!!!

I'm glad you are having a better day. Did you buy something fun with that tax return money?<P>I agree with CJ, if you don't really need the money I don't think it is worth the fight. I think it is best to stay amicable if you can.