made a huge mistake<p>[This message has been edited by rosanna drew (edited September 01, 1999).]

Rosanna, read the stuff on this site, particularly about withdrawal, because that's what you're going through.<P>airheart, Maya, others? Please kick in here!<P>Please E-mail me: filmgeek55@hotmail.com for a good therapist in Paramus.

yeah I was gonna!<P>Rosanna, I read your profile. I don't know why you took out mostly everything in your post though. There had to be more there originally than just "made a huge mistake"...<P>There are many here on this site that are in the same boat as you. I'm one of those. I know what it's like to miss the OP so much. I still do. It'll feel like the hardest thing you'll ever have to deal with. I'm still dealing with my pain. It's getting better slowly... so slowly.<P>Do you still contact the OM? If so, stop. Stop contacting him completely. That's the only way you'll get over him. If you keep contacting him, you'll constantly be in withdrawal and it will never end. Remember that he chose his wife. He's trying to make his marriage work, so whatever you do, it's definitely not useful to keep contacting him (for either of you).<P>Don't make any decisions about your marriage right now. Wait until you are recovered from the withdrawal of not seeing the OM anymore. That might take a long time. But wait it out. After you come out of that haze, then you can look around and take stock of your life. My guess is that you will decide that you love your husband after all.<P>Also, the Harley method espouses complete HONESTY, which means telling your husband about the affair. If you want a truly rewarding relationship, there must be no secrets kept. From personal experience, I know that this is very hard. Your need to protect your husband and yourself is pretty strong. My wife got very hysterical a number of times... But it must be done.<P>Well, I don't know how much help I've been here. But Rosanna, keep posting! Don't be worried. This forum is anonymous! Post to your hearts content. There are plenty of understanding people here!<P>--andy

Rosanna--<BR>I read you're post...I know how you're feeling and I know how terribly sad and depressed you must be. You're story is pretty similar to mine.<P>I too fell in love with a co-worker, he tried to leave his wife for me but just couldn't because of his daughter. It's not going to be easy getting over this other man, especially since you work with him. I'm not going to lie to you, the withdrawl is going to be unbearable...but you will get through it.<P>When my OM chose his wife I still felt that he loved me and that he would eventually come around...it never happened. I think the best thing to do is to get those thoughts out of your head (if you have them). Now is the opportunity for you to get him out of your mind and work on saving your marriage.<P>I know it's difficult to work on a relationship with your husband when all you can think about is someone else, so it may seem futile at this point. Give it time and look to your husband to offer you all the emotional needs that you were missing from your marriage in the first place.<P>You're doing the right thing by going to couseling...I think counselor will steer you in the right direction.<P>Keep posting here too...it's been a tremendous help for me. We're here to support you. I know it seems hopeless right now.<BR>

By the way...I think Airheart's right about telling your husband. Not because of guilt, but because in the end it might bring you and your husband closer.