My original post is over under the topic "Separate and Desparate".<P>We've been separated for about 1 month now. I'm using Plan A from a distance. I am paying all the bills as she looks for work; hence I am still trying to meet some EN. My counselr says this is going to take 6 months before I can move back in. I am terrified that she is going to find an OP in that amount of time. She may have already. I don't know. I only know I have no intetion of dating or anything other than trying to bring my W back out of Withdrawal.<P>I feel that I cannot move back in until she asks me to. She is currently in complete withdrawal. I'm using all of Harley's methods. There's been no sign of a crack in her armpor yet, and I know it takes time. However, my insides are turning because I have a fear that I am going to lose her unless I can get back under the same roof and let her see my LB-free behavior from day-to-day. How do I get back in?

If she has anyplace (inlaws, girlfriends) to go other than the marital home, I think the person paying the freight has more right there than the person just partying.<P>The law may not see it that way. What's it like in your town?<P>Do you still have a key? <P>Are you afraid of <I>her</I>? Afraid of what she might do to herself? Afraid of her friends or family? Or just afraid?<P>I read about the flowers and gifts. Why did nothing deeper and more meaningful pass between you as a result of that effort?<P>I'm not suggesting that you wait until she's out bar-hopping and reoccupy ... that would be a major lovebuster. <P>But do tell us what's going on with all these different aspects of your situation, because from what you have written, I'd say the marriage is pretty much over and few would think you a jerk to simply move back in and move her out, change the locks, etc. There are people who might think it a nice dose of reality for her. <P>On the other hand, some states give the wife every right to the marital home regardless of whose paycheck covers the mortgage. Or there could be extenuating circumstances that militate toward her staying in.<P>What do you think would happen if you just moved back in while she was out? Surprise!<P>Give us lots of detail so that we can roll the situation around and look at it. What would you predict as the probable results of various strategies?

"Do you still have a key?" Yes I still have a key<P>"Are you afraid of her? Afraid of what she might do to herself? Afraid of her friends or family? Or just afraid?" I am just afraid it will do more harm than good if I move back in.<P>"I read about the flowers and gifts. Why did nothing deeper and more meaningful pass between you as a result of that effort?" <P>Nothing happened because she is withdrawn. Her comment was that she cannot be bought.<P>I brought up the subject last week about me perhaps moving back in. She just commented "I figured you'd try that." At that point, I told her I was just trying to be friends with her, that I love her and wanted no one else, and that I would not move back in unless she approved of it.<P>Does this make me a wuss? <P>p.s. She's finally started a new job, working as a psych nurse on the night shift (7pm-7am). That really screws up our schedules, regardless of whether I am in the house or not. <P>

I have to agree with <B>Sisyphus</B>...<BR>...pick a day...<BR>...let her know your coming back home that day...<P>...let your actions prove your changes...<BR>...not your words.<P> <P>Jim

FYI...the thread for this topic has been moved over to Negotiating in Marriage. In my desperation, I was originally posting this on all the forums to maximize the responses. My apologies.