I'm new here ... glad I found this site ...<P>My H is currently filing the divorce. I still love him and care for him very much and I don't want divorce. We've been married for almost 6 yrs now and had a 3mos old daughter. I had an affair with my ex-co-worker early last year and realize my mistake. I want to rebuild my marriage and give my marriage a second chance. However, my H doesn't want to...He has his mind set up for divorce. No matter what I do or say, he wouldn't and can't forgive me at all. What do you think I should do? I'm so devasted. I don't want to go thru the divorce. I've been going to counseling but counselor told me the best choice for me was divorce. This is not what I want to hear...Is there any hope? Can I save my marriage? Please help....<P>kkeo

Welcome <B>kkeo</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>There are no guarantees...<BR>...but starting on Plan A will help.<P>As far as counseling...<BR>...consider...a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>Stay here...<BR>...you are not alone!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Welcome...I'm fairly new myself.<P>I know what your husband feels because I went through the same thing. My first wife (we later divorced) was sleeping with my best friend. I forgave her once, but the affair happened again. He is in extreme withdrawal. He is scared, hurt, and angry all at the same time. His filing for divorce is something he is doing in the hopes of making himself feel better and making you pay for the pain he is feeling.<P>He probably won't listen to a word you say. If he does file, then contest the divorce as much as possible. Hopefully, in time, he will back off and agree to at least work with you in order to get answers to his question about "Why did she do this to me?"<P>Also, absorb everything you can on this site. It's packed with a lot of excellent material that can help your situation. <P>We are here for you. I am on here because of my current separation from my 2nd wife. That one is a completely different story which is under my originial post "Separate & Desperate". Regardless, if you need a perspective from a betrayed husband's point of view, talk to me. it also might help me understand why my first wife did what she did.

Thanks NSR and warewolf.<P>I will try to print all those documents out and will try to get telephone counseling. Unfortunately, my biggest fear is that I'm trying so hard to repair the marriage and yet I get nothing back. For the past one year that we're separated, I've tried everything but was no luck. It's hard because it's only me who wants to save the marriage. I totally agree with warewolf about my H behavior but what do I need to do to prove to him that I still love and want him back? We haven't talk or seen each other for almost 2mos already and yesterday his attorney called and left me a message. I tried asking him out to talk about the problem but he refused to go anywhere with me. In fact, he doesn't want to see his daughter either. Please share your advice. Thanks in advance.<P>kkeo

It sounds to me like you are doing all of the right things. My question to you is did you know of your husband's strong feelings about adultry previously? My guess is that he is one of these men who just will not bend on this issue and I assume you probably knew this when you engaged in your affair. Your husband has to be open to communications and trying to rebuild the marriage for you to have any chance. It takes two people to rebuild a marriage. I am amazed that he has not talked to you for two months and seems to want nothing to do with your daughter. Do you think that maybe he feels your daughter is not his? I can't believe that a husband would turn his back on his little baby unless he feels it really is not his. You have to somehow communicate with him. I would suggest that you write him a long letter and try to email him everyday regardless if he does not respond. He clearly is very angry and in pain. Ask him what you can do to convince him of your love and desire to rebuild the marriage. On the other hand, there are some people who simply will not forgive and open up their minds and hearts again to the one that has betrayed them. I am afraid that you may have to consider your future without him so you need to prepare for this but do not stop trying. Good Luck.

Bryanp: He knew the baby was his because I had a DNA test done. The baby is almost 4 mos now and he hasn't seen the baby yet and we lived only about 10min from each other. I believe he's the kind of person that will not bend. I tried so much til I gave up. Just recently, I just told myself to give it all up. There's no use of trying to rebuild the marriage if he doesn't take the next step. I tried emailing him and do all kinds of thing...and what do I back...him yelling at me and verbally abusing me. Unfortunately, I totally understands his reaction. I take whatever he said to me as long as he listens to me...Do you think I should keep on having hope? or should I just give up about rebuilding my marriage? His attorney is already on my case for me to sign the divorce paper. Please advice...<P>

kkeo,<P>Is your H also posting here? ( <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002334.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002334.html</A> ).<P>If so, do you talk about this stuff with him, or is he not amenable to any reconciliation?<P>AGG

AGG-<P>I don't think so. I know she doesn't have computer and doesn't have time to use internet. In fact she doesn't even know how to use computer. She is so busy with her family and the baby. She's a stay home mother. She quits her job as a sales rep. I know kkeo sounds exactly like my wife. However, I think kkeo has more courage than my wife. She reach out for help. My W doesn't do anything. She likes to stay home and watch the soap-opera and I guess became influence by it or something. Thanks AGG for giving me suggestion.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Nk:<BR>[B]AGG-<P>I don't think so. I know she doesn't have computer and doesn't have time to use internet. <P>Nk,<P>Are you sure this isnt your wife posting on this site? She lists her home as San Jose CA. Im betting its her. Why dont you give her a call and ask. <P>If DNA tests show the baby to be yours then please do the right thing. You are her father, she is your baby. She deserves better than you are offering. Get over your hate and be a father to this baby. Good luck<P>Randy

Hey folks,<P>Got to agree this thread seems a little unusual. NK is posting a response here, but hasn't followed up on his own thread. He posted a story and got a couple of responses but did not acknowledge them. Maybe the responses weren't what he wanted to hear, I don't know, just found it strange that he would ignore his own thread to post on this one. But then, maybe everyone doesn't get hooked on MB people the way I have.<P>Bumper

Hey, wait a minute,<P>kkeo asks AGG a question and NK answers addressing AGG! What gives? Is somebody trying to play a double role? Or is this just another one of those observations that constantly gets me in hot water with the distaff side?<P>Bumper

Nk/kkeo,<P>So, are you guys going to clue us in on the scoop? You posted on at least three different forums, got advice, but didn't respond to anyone. What gives? <P>AGG