My sister has been through hell this year - all because her WS can't make up his mind... How can a person heap so much pain on the person he promised to love and cherish for a slut? What kind of allure does the OW hold that he is willing to hurt so many people for so little? I'm convinced all my sister's WS cares about is instant gratification - he runs when the fire gets hot. He has continually jerked her and the kids around for almost a year and continues to do this. This past time he came back (4th time) and now the kids think everything is alright again - their hearts are going to get broken AGAIN, all for his happiness??? Everyone knows that happiness isn't the kind that lasts or that is real. It's SELFISH - of both the WS and the OW. When does it end??????? What can my sister do???? She has done everything to save this marriage - given him chance after chance....

Dear Sister, <P>My only response is this.....<P>Unless you have been there, it is hard to see the other side. Often, one wants so much to keep the marriage together, that you will endure great heartache to do so. <P>I did the same thing. For over two years, I endured the pain of having my X come back to me, time and time again, only to leave when the OW's marriage was falling apart and she would give my X false hope. He was in a fog, of which I am not sure he will ever come out of. <P>The only hope I had was I could hold on until my X woke up out of his coma. (I mean affair). But, after two years, I could not endure any more.<P>So, I followed the Plans set forth on this web site and followed Plan B. My marriage did end. I am sorry it had to. But I am stronger and can lead a good life, because I did all possible to save my marriage.<P>Perhap your sister needs to do the same. Only when you are going through this is it clear what you should do. I can only answer for myself. This site helped me to give my marriage the best possible chance of being saved. <P>Truly, I do not think the WS has any ides of the pain that the family goes through. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Susan

Sue:<P>Thanks for responding. I'm really worried about my sister - she has been through more in the past year than one would believe possible. Where are you in recovery? How are you doing? She feels so hopeless right now and truly seems to want to die - just to end the pain.... Help if you will.

I would encourage her to work on herself, and do as much reading as she can. This site is a wealth of information and I believe if you follow their plan, you have a chance to save your marriage. <BR>But, more than that, it places you in a position where you learn about yourself, and you become a better person. Whether the marraige makes it or not, you are better able to cope with it and move in your own life. <BR>Counseling also helped me. Eating right and taking the time for my own physical and mental health helped me. <BR>I have been divorced over a year now. The past three years before that were pure hell. There were times I felt complete dispair and sorrow. I know where your sister is, as many do here. But, she must work on her own self, and then the marriage. <BR>I have survived, and I have to say that life is better than I thought it would be while I was going through all of that. I am happy, fulfilled, and have put it past me. My x and I are on good terms, and I do believe somewhere he will regret what he has done to his family. But we all make our own bed to lay in. <BR>I had to move on, for my own sanity and to raise my kids in as healthy environment as possible. Your sister will come to this point as well. She needs support, no matter what her decision is. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

The WS can jerk EVERYONE around more than you can imagine.<P>My wife (WS) has not contacted anyone in her family for more than a year. She has not contacted ANY previous friends (except for the 2 who knew she was having an affair) for more than 2 years now. She has not seen our children, daughters 15 & 10 in almost 2 years.<P>Just think of them as being (temporarily?) insane. Love/lust can make you become pretty crazy.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>