I knew after his A that my limit of trying the marriage again was if he moved on from his elite athlete status as a speed skater. He made some valid changes but I still want it to be over. We know our biggest mistake was to get married before it was over so I feel we are making the same mistake again and I am vrey scared to be in a marriage like that. I know that him being unable to give it up and want a "normal" life with me is why I can't committ to him again. I so wish he could see it that way but I finally reaslized that I cannot chang him and unfortunately without that change I don't want to be with him. It has been very fustrating to try and get this across to him for the last year and a half. So I up and quit today. It is very sad because I believe we could be happy someday and we do have many things going for us but I simply can't live with the elite focus and lifestyle anymore knowing it could be way better without it. Maybe I will continue here sorry to say I am not a happy camper anymore.

Sorry to hear of you decision, but without kids, one can look at it as a practice marriage for the next one. <P>The other alternative is to stay legally married, with no expectations, until he decides that his career is over, and that he can give you the time you need. It just means living an independent life from him, etc.<P>It sounds as though you two have expectational differences about your life plans, and relationships. Make sure you discuss your expectations with your next prospective mate, so that there is an honest and open meeting of the minds.<P>good luck<BR>WIFTTy

Yes, I think it we could magically fastforward one year we would have a similar life plan. But where we are today we don't and I just cannot be where I am knowing it should and could be better. I just wish he trusted me enough to join me.

Is your way the only way? do you not trust him to join him?<BR>do you live in the present, and not work towards a good future? so you not consider how to make a future?<P>wiftty

I'll say one thing with respect to this thread. When someone is a winner in something in <I>adult</I> life (as contrasted to, say, the fictional <I>Al Bundy</I> high-school-quarterback/cum-shoe-salesman), they usually <I>stay</I> a winner. Throughout life. That has an inestimable value.<P>I would not be surprised if, faced with the magnitude of this crisis, he didn't find a way to pull this one out. But the crisis won't seem real to him until it goes to the <I>nth</I> degree. You can go there, just be sure your own heart doesn't go over the edge.

When I find the time - I honestly believe my way is the best way for US - the marriage.<P>Sisyphus, Thank you for the encouraging words. It is weird because he says he understands what I say but he doesn't think giving it up will help. So really he doesn't understand or he understands but is unwilling because maybe he is unable to do it. I guess I can't wait any longer to see if he can pull it off.