How is transportation done in regards to visitation? Does the NCP do all of the driving? How were these decisions made? Lastly, does your divorce papers state specifically how visitation transportation should be handled??

It depends on the court order. Here is how mine works.<P>We have two children. They are 7 and 2. I am the custodial parent. Since the baby is not in school, she has a different visitation schedule than my son. So here goes:<P>Son visitation:<BR>1st, 2nd, and 4th weekends Friday 8 pm to Sunday 8pm<BR>3rd weekend no visitation<P>Daughter visitation:<BR>1st and 4th week: Wednesday 8 pm to Sunday 8 pm<BR>2nd week: Thursday 8 pm to Sunday 8 pm<BR>3rd week: Tuesday 8 pm to Thursday 8 pm<P>To make a long story short, we have 11 trips every four week period. The drive is 135 miles one way from door to door. That is about 3,000 miles per month between the two of us.<P>I drive all Fridays, the first Wednesday, and Tuesday. She drives all Sundays, all Thursdays, and the fourth Wednesday.<P>And you wonder why I need a calendar.<BR>

transportation not stipulated in agreement<BR>but i will do it all if necessary!<P>wiftty,<BR>the NCD!<P><BR>

It depends on the court order. At one point I drove the 50 mi one-way trip two and three times a week (because of long divorce story). Now we alternate with him dropping her off and me taking her home every weekend.<P>You might have to negotiate this, and nothing is carved in stone as "right" and "wrong". XH was considerate enough to switch schedules with me when I had more children so that I didn't get stuck with four hours of traffic on Fridays and miss picking up the little ones.<P>(Good example of the softening effect of time on divorce - he would have spit in my eye two years previous to this)<P>H

This is why I'm asking. See my ex use to live 2 miles from us but he still went 2 years without seeing his kids. Then he started seeing them but he'd play games in regards to drop offs or pickup's. Sometimes, he's call at the time they were suppose to be home and tell me that if I wanted them I better pick them up etc...It made him angry that he was responsible for the pick-ups and drop-off's even though it was only 2 miles. Our papers make no reference to it. We now live 20 minutes from him (we moved). He flat out told the kids that if I do not drive at least half of the time he will not exercise his visitation....period. Shows how important the kids are. In the mean time, I have not charged him his half of medical bills, his half of glasses etc... even though he is suppose to pay half. Anyhow, I'm going off track now but you'd have to know the situation to realize that he does this for a power trip and control issue period. He'd go months and months without seeing his kids if I didn't drive them over there. Of course he talks to them on the phone and tells son if he doesn't see the kids it's my fault for refusing to take them to his home. Son begs me and I cave every single time. Attorney told me that it's NOT my responsibility and if I just "don't" drive them to his home then he's forfeiting his time if he doesn't care enough to pick them up. But, it's the old catch twenty-two where who is it hurting? Kido's. So, thoughts guys?

Interestingly, I don't have a lot of trouble with her exercising visitation since we are so far apart. It is difficult to blow it off when you are 2 1/2 hours away. But when we lived in the same city, it was difficult. Not as bad as yours. She would call me up and give me some excuse about being too tired or something.<P>My feeling on the matter is I will let her not exercise as much visitation as she is able. At times, I will refuse her visitation. Like when she has to work and OM is going to have children rather than her. As I have described it to some, unfortuantely, this is a zero sum game. We can't clone the children so we can each have them all of the time. Even though I am the CP, I don't feel that I get enough time with the children, especially my daughter. So any time I can get I will fight for. I wish that my gaining additional time would not take time away from stbx, but this was her decision. She decided that seeing OM every day was more important than seeing her children every day.<P>Behavior has consequences.<P>So, that is my vent to say; I would offer to drive 1/2 of the time. However, IMO, it is important that you get it in the order. That way you have some protection.

BonnieSept:<P>I can relate to the ex who wants to be in control. My divorce is not final yet, but for the last six months there has been not real visitation schedule. My stbxh refuses to agree to a schedule. He usually sees the kids for a few hours on Sunday. He says he wants the kids 50/50, yet he's always busy or working or something when the kids want to visit. I could move to the other ends of the earth and I don't think it would make a difference.<P>

Bonnie,<P>although i moved out in response to various stimuli, which is in contrast to most advice here, i immediately dragged X to a mediation with a great pro-father mediator, and worked up a visitation schedule. Now X, who claimed to want the D, and would go to mediation at any time, got mad, wrecked part of her car, swore at me for using my time, could not let me have my kids for the complete agreed upon vacation schedule because she missed them, etc. basically, i think she has alzeimers and forgot that i was their dad, and their coach, and a few other things to the kids, and she was the one that wanted out because of her affair, EA, and denied PA, although I suspect the time and date.<P>But because i am putting the kids first, and i want to be sure to get the time, i always do the driving, which forces the schedule to be real. I don't mind forcing reality, as that is what we agreed upon. X freaks out if i am 5 minutes late, and if she is not there at drop off, says to just leave them, they will be fine (not!) i don't just leave them, did once when i thought she was home, and kids called<BR>on the cell phone, and asked me to return, yikes, i then on!<P>So i say to start with the driving when it is convenient for you, but only if it is convenient for you. and then see if you can build the relationship to where X will be more responsive.<P>good luck,<P>wiftty<P>

WhenIfindthetime, your advice is what I had come to terms with in my own mind. In most instances I'm actually more a fathers rights person. My current husband lived a good 45 minutes from his kids before our move (now he lives about 30 minutes from them) and did/does 100% of the driving even after paying her a couple thousand per month in support. Never bats an eye because he wants to see his kids and the driving isn't an issue. So, I've decided that if I am able to drive the kids to my ex's home on his Fridays I will and I did the last Friday. Now, this Friday my father is coming into town and he lives 4-5 hrs. away. He's coming for dinner only so he'll be there around 5 and leave around 7:00 p.m. I usually get the kids to the ex by 6:00 and obviously can't with my father visiting. So, I'll tell him the situation and let him know that he can pick them up at 6 if he wants them on Friday, if not, I'll bring them to his home first thing Sat. morning. You know what? He'll pick the second because he loves tell me what to do even though our divorce has been over for years.

Wow, ((((Bonnie)))). This is definitely a tough question. Maybe you should move farther away so he doesn't have any opportunity to do this. (LOL )<P>What are the lessons your son is learning? Positive or negative?<P>Is your son trying to manipulate you by being upset?<P>If you get the schedule for driving in an order would X still be able to do the same thing? Yes.<P>H

In regards to the last questions. I think son really wants to go to his house but not to see his father. His girlfriend has a boy my son's age and they get along well so son likes to go for that reason. When the kids are at their fathers there is little interaction between them. Kids play with their friends. My ex's girlfriend is very worried that my ex will develop a "normal" or loving relationship with his kids. That would only take away from her and her two boys. Many times you hear that the second wives do not like the new husband having the baggage of kids or ex's and in this case it's very true. If him and I start co-parenting together he always comes up with something off the wall shortly there after that is obviously her demands. But oh-well, I'm just glad that my current husband's ex isn't like that! I'll drive when I can and if I can't then it's his choice to forfeit his time.

X wanted the divorce.<BR>X left.<BR>X drives.<BR>But I will when needed - and don't mind.<P>But talk about a weird thing. X married again in October. In December, he and new wife moved from his very nice apartment complex about six miles from me to an old, not half so nice complex about one mile from me. Wife #2 drives by my house (previously owned with X) twice a day. <BR>Now, if you were to remarry why would you want to move that close to wife/husband #1? To your new mate's former spouse?<P>

Unfortunetley, it doesn't sound like the courts specify who transports. I guess they think us "adults" can work it out among ourselves.<P>Fortunetly (?) my x lives 2 mile away so it hasn't been a problem. However she works 12 hr shifts (coincidently so does om/h) and she "has" to have her sleep so she picks the kids up in the "afternoon"( your defination of afternoon may vary). Its funny, her sleeping was never that big of deal before.<P>We (I) still have problems with drop offs. She dropped them off at 5:00 last night and when I walked in at 8 they asked what was for supper? I told them before I left that I was going out of town. I guess I should have told their mother too, but I don't feel it is any business where I am when I don't have the kids.