I have been married for 28 years to a man that I thought would never commit adultry.<br>Wrong. About two months ago he told me that he was leaving me. That he had been with someone else and that he wanted to get to know her better. That she was the womwn of his dreams. He works in construction and he met her through his work. She works for another company that contracts work with his company. He told me that they had alot in common and that we never really had anything in common. He is 45 years old and she is 34.<br>He was overwhelmed with her youth and ideas that they shared. Said she made him feel like a man.<br> I have been in menopause for three years and lost my sex drive due to it. (I never was very interested in sex) I was raped and sexually abused as a child and felt that sex is just simply what you have to do to get a man. Don't get me wrong ,I did learn to enjoy sex sometimes and thought i performed well enough not to lose my husband. But... It happened. I was devastated. He also told me that he had been unfaithful over all the years that we've been married. <br>I should add that I was pregnant when we married but I thought we were in love. <br>When he told me that he was leaving he said that I didn't make him feel loved anymore and that I really never did. (My family was not an affectionate family and I never learned how to be.) Menopause carried alot of weight with my problem but... I was going to my doctor to get help and the help process was in progress. He knew this yet he chose to go ahead with the affair any way. That hurts so much. He said it was because he couldn't trust me any more to change for him and that he had fallen out of love with me. He claims that he has given up so much for me over the years (hunting, fishing, associating with friends etc.) Sure I was jealous of all those things. I was 15 years old when we married and was stuck at home with a baby at 16. I was never allowed to participate in any of those activities with him because it was too hard to do these things with a baby. <br>We have two children (boys) 28 years old and 23. They were totally devastated also. We begged him to think about it for awhile before getting involved with this girl but he refused. He finally admitted that he was afraid that if he ask her for time that she might think he was not truly interested in her. <br>Two days after he left I spent a few hours with him and he cried. I'm not sure about what but I could tell that he was really having a hard time leaving me after all this time.<br>We own 2 homes and a business and I felt all along that this girl was only looking for a home and a man that had something. After talking with her mother and sister I gathered that she is merely a slut and gave her daughter to one of her ex's and that she is basically an alcoholic and not good for anything except being just the right thing for any man. <br>I did think that my husband was just in mid-life crisis and Really I guess I still do.<br>He returned home to me after only one week and two sessions of sex with me. The last one being when I got into bed with him and had sex with him in his motel room as she sat in <br>the chair in the same room. He said that the drastic measure I took to prove my love convinced him that I rellly did love him. Since he has been back home I have learned to really enjoy sex with him and we go out alot and have a good time together. But sometimes sex is ruined because I can only think about her and their sex sessions.<br> She told me that he was not fulfilled with her and that she was not with him. At the same time he told me that it was the best he had ever had and that <br>she was so excited that she had multiple orgasms. <br>She said she faked it. <br>I really don't know which to believe but it is driving me crazy. If I knew that he was not fullfilled I could accept the affair much easier just thinking that he did feel guilty enough not to enjoy it and that he could be convinced that she was not all he thought she was. I think that he told me all this just to make me feel (just the way I do).<br>Any way my problem now is I want to know all the details about each time they were together. Why? I don't know but I don't think I can rebuild our life until I know the details. Am I wrong to want to know. <br>The other affairs he has had mean very little to me because they were all one nighters and he was drunk (he said that he never was able to do anything because he felt guilty) and he always came home to me at bedtime and never spent the whole night with anyone except one that I know of when I was out of town. The past one nighters are water under the bridge but (this one) HE LEFT ME FOR HER.<br>Also she is now living with his brother and I meet her more often than I care to at family get togethers and such. My husband would like for she and I to get along. Get real. Duhhh.<br>Please advise me how to get the details from my husband without making him extremely mad.<br>By the way if he does this again I will not bring him back. I have been more hurt than if he had died.<br>Also he feels no remorse for this past affair. He says that he still thinks alot of the girl and is thankful that she came along because it woke me up. Is this normal. He has never apologized for his infidelity but he has said that he was sorry it had to come to this.