Hi <B>Bozos_Deb</B>,<P>It's nice to see you!! I always respected you very much. Thank you for coming by and giving your thoughts on this... I agree... as I said several times throughout this thread... I should have waited... but I didn't. Hindsight sucks. This visit to MB has been cleansing, I admit. At least I don't feel like I'm hiding anything. It's all out there.<P>Dearest <B>StillHers</B>,<P>Thank you very much for the apology and edit. I understand what happened, and that in the interest of clarity you thought you were giving everyone (but esp. Deb, since she was asking) enough information to really understand. <P>You may have had a 2 minute penalty, but your time is up... get back in the game! <P>I will also ask that <B>JL</B> edit (or delete) his post, given that StillHers has... I certainly understand what was being said in his post too, and appreciate it more than I can articulate. Thank you, JL.

StillHers and Sheryl,<P>It has been edited. Steve I understand your statement. I believe Sheryl will and certain I do agree you about the best way for this mess to have come down. Unfortunately, it didn't. Perhaps Sheryl can find what she needs her to help guide her life and her future.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Hi Sheryl,<P>My my...it has been a very long time. I think about you from time to time and wonder how you are doing. In all honesty, I'm so glad to hear from you...but when I read your post, I'm happy & sad at the same time.<P>I hope that whatever decisions you make, in the long-run, will be a good one, for all involved. The best of luck to you.

What makes me saddest is that, although probably almost everyone who has been here any length of time would agree that it is not wise to jump from one relationship into another, so many people do. And for those who haven't (like me) perhaps it is just lack of opportunity. It doesn't seem that people learn from anyone else's experience.

Hey <B>JL</B>,<P>Thank you!!<P>Hello, hello, <B>Survivor</B>,<P>It's nice to see you too. <P>Hi <B>Nellie</B>,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It doesn't seem that people learn from anyone else's experience. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Isn't that the truth! <P>I sure can't say anything about that, since I have trouble learning from my OWN experience... which would be funny, if it wasn't so sad, eh?<P>Thanks again to everyone who contributed to this thread. <BR>

Sheryl,<P>Oh great, now both our posts are on fire. Oh well.<P>If I may, I'd like to express some thoughts that come to mind when I read you. (I have not followed your whole story) Know that this observation comes with concern, only. I do have concerns for you and for your new relationship. Reason being, you have given up so much. This is no judgment on what you may be gaining, God willing, it will be enough. <P>It seems you have made very fast and life altering changes for yourself and your loved ones. The end of a marriage is a death of sorts and involves mourning and grieveing. As we advise those who have experienced a death, don't make major decisions too quickly.<P>I want to tread lightly as not to offend, but, have you thought about the future and the hard times that always come? Will resentment form because you "gave up everything" for this relationship? Has that seed already been planted? You don't have to answer these musings, they are just that. These are simply areas that need to be explored and addressed to be able to avoid them. I am simply putting myself in your shoes and realize all too well what it could bring.<P>The person that I am involved with doesn't even live in the same state as I do. Neither of us could bear to leave our children. We search for solutions and make the best of a difficult situation. Thankfully we are able to be together on a semi-regular basis. It works for now, as we both need some time to "re-group". The future remains to be seen but I have great faith that if this is meant to be, it will stand the test of time and trial.<P>Enough about me. Know that I wish you all the best and my heart hurts for you because I can "hear" that you're not totally at peace with yourself, yet.

Hi <B>Free At Last</B>,<P>You know, I wasn't gonna check on this anymore (my thread I mean) because I was sure it would have been put to bed with my last post... I'm glad I did check it because you bring up some questions that yes, I did ask myself before I left.<P>First, thank you for your concerns, and the gentle way in which you presented them. I sensed no judgement or anger... so don't worry about that.<P>About resentment: This was a HUGE concern to me. One of us would be giving up *everything* and we weighed the pros and cons of each situation. I agonized, and in the end, I believed that I could make this move with a minimum of resentment. One of the ways that he has helped me with this is to agree that I can visit my children often. I saw them at Christmas, and have a return ticket already.<P>Yes, it did happen fast, but... that's kind of how I am. I met my ex on a blind date, married him six weeks later and remained married for 20 years, although in fairness, the last two were spent in a kind of hell on earth. My point is, I think I'm a good judge of character, and I trusted that this man was exactly who he said he was. <P>To pull this all together... yes, I fell in love with him quickly, and yes, I wanted to be with him... and yes, it was a gut-wrenching decision for all the reasons outlined in this thread... but in the end, my decision was made with the help of family (including my children and my parents), friends, and therapists (both mine and my son's therapist who saw the children and I as a family - as a sidenote, David wouldn't come with us). <P>As far as not being at peace with myself... yes again, and you are an astute listener/reader. And I would guess that therein lies the whole reason I came here again in the first place... wouldn't you say? So, I have to ask myself, why am I not at peace? <P>And the answer is... I never expected any of this. Like so many other people who post here (and live on this earth!), I expected to get married and live happily ever after. I still can't believe that I've lived in this skin for the last two years. I'm still questioning if leaving my son (and my daughters, but as I've said, they're older and truly on the edge of the nest) was the best course of action. <P>I spent years trying to "get over" my ex-H's early affairs, and lived with ridicule and emotional torment from him; not to mention the fact that we could barely communicate without becoming a tangled mess. I probably "should" have divorced him years ago... and that is my truth. That I didn't only shows that truly loved him in spite of the pain. <P>I was ready to stop the pain.<P>But that doesn't mean that it was easy. I am healing, and I am trying to find peace. <P>I think I'll begin by looking forward instead of backward. I am, after all, here now... <P>Best wishes to you, Free At Last...<BR>

I'm sorry but I just want to ask you one more question. Is there ANY chance at all that you'll go back? <P>I guess that like some others who were here over the last several days, I sense a kind of confusion. Maybe it's defensiveness, or maybe it's just pain. I can't tell. <P>Are you hurting because you miss your children, or because you're homesick, or is it because you miss your ex-husband? Are you honestly and truly happy with the decision you made?<P>And I understand if you don't want to add to this post anymore. I hope you have the answers to these questions though. I don't think you can find the peace until you do. <P>------------------<BR>I just want to sit in the garden in peace~~<P>*Statue*

Hi Statue,<P>I didn't want to ignore your questions -- although I nearly did! Part of it is I think people are sick of me and my situation, and part of it is that I don't want to put myself in the position of sounding like I'm justifying my actions, and you've asked some pretty direct questions that may do just that. If it sounds that way, I don't mean it to. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Is there ANY chance at all that you'll go back? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If there is an emergency, or a wedding, childbirth, or a vacation, then yes, I'll go back for awhile. Of course, I can't predict what the future will hold, but for now I'm going to try to make it work here. I didn't come all this way to give up now.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I guess that like some others who were here over the last several days, I sense a kind of confusion. Maybe it's defensiveness, or maybe it's just pain. I can't tell. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It's pain. Things have not been easy for me, for us. There's lots of reasons for that, and I won't list them here. The confusion, as I said before in this thread, is in seperating my children from my ex-H. They all come as kind of a package, in my mind.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Are you hurting because you miss your children, or because you're homesick, or is it because you miss your ex-husband? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I miss my kids. I am homesick. I miss the man who used to be my ex-H, not the man he became.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Are you honestly and truly happy with the decision<BR>you made?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I can say that I am honestly and truly trying to find my place here, and that I am trying to find true happiness. There are moments of sheer bliss, and there are moments of pure torment. <P>I have found out, Statue, that posting my feelings here has been cathartic, and that involves some pain as well as comfort. <P>I would like to be happy. I think I'm headed in that direction, but there is a lot to get in the way.<P>My future peace is up in the air right now. But I'm reaching for it...<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited March 14, 2001).]