In addition to a letter that I wrote to my husband, I have left him a few messages-not angry-just emotional type stuff. Yes, I know his attention and thoughts are not on me and I should not be pre-occupied with whether or not he is thinking about me (but I am).<P>Do you think it is un-healthy for me to contact him, do you think that it might be making him angry? Can anyone relate to my need to express myself to this man-however futile it is???<BR>

I know how terribly difficult it is not to communicate with someone you love, but you must realize that the more you initiate contact with him...and the more he ignores it...the more hurt you are going to be. Every time you leave a message...you will be setting yourself up for being rejected again. It's a vicious cycle and you open the door to more hurt. <P>Has he answered your letter or your messages? If he hasn't than stop tormenting yourself. You keep the pain fresh everytime you try to reach him and he doesn't respond. <P>The entire situation is gut wrenching, but it is for your own good...to stop that is.<P>I doubt you are making him angry, but I doubt you are making an impact or you would hear a response. <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Lonelysoul (edited March 08, 2001).]

Rejected, <P>I TOTALLY understand how much you need to talk to this man and figure out what happened and why and why can't we work this out and why is it over, etc. It would bring BIG closure in your life if somehow you could understand. <P>Here's the problem. What he is doing and how he is feeling is not understandable. He is never going to say to you, "I am doing this because of XYZ" and it will seem reasonable to you. It's kind of like being fired. At the time when your boss fires you, he or she probably has some very logical reasons why they feel they must let you go, but no matter how much they explain it to you and no matter how reasonable the reason is, you are not going to like it and it will not make sense to you. Same thing here. <P>Right now, you are still so hurt by everything that has happened that you can't really think or see straight. What I mean is not that there was a good reason why he should behave like this--heck no! But rather, no matter how much he would explain it to you and no matter how reasonable he might be, you are not going to like it and it will not make sense to you. You need to take some time and recover and heal yourself a little bit. You need to think about yourself now and try to stop thinking about him. <P>Gosh, that is so easy to write, isn't it? Try to stop thinking of him. But, Rejected, slowly day-by-day start to train your thoughts to think about other things. Today, make a list of all the things you LIKE about being on your own. I personally liked that I could turn up my music as loud as I want and sing along with it. Tomorrow, try to get through a couple hours without thinking about him--and if you find your mind wandering over to him have a plan. Have a hard work project to tackle, or a very interesting book, or something that you will have to put your mind to. Suddenly, you'll realize, "I went through the whole morning and didn't think of him!!" <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Rejected}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You have got to accept the fact that he does not want to contact you right now. It hurts like crazy, I know, but you have got to walk with it and completely understand that your attempts will be futile. Put your energies into YOU!<P>You're in my thoughts and prayers,<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.