Hello. I am writing to ask for help/advice. This is my first ever post, and it is rather urgent. Quick background, before my question:<P>I am the oldest child (2 1/2 months shy of 25) of 2. I am/was a daddy's girl, and haven't had the best relationship with my mother until recently (past 3 yrs). <P>My father left my mother, November 3, 2000. He moved to another town, and as he left told my mother he didn't love her anymore. He didn't tell her that he has been having an internet affair with another woman (married with 3 children of her own--14, 8, 6 yrs). My parents are separated as are the OW and her H (three months ago).<P>First, I realize this is not my problem, nor is it my decision. However, it does affect my life when the H of the OW calls me to see what i think about "things". I also do not know how he got my phone number, nor what possessed him to call me. He told me that my father was going to visit his wife for a week (mar 7-13). <P>So, any suggestions of how to handle the phone call? Should i confront my father? Can i be truthful to my mother when she calls and says that she can't find my father to get some info about income taxes? I am definately between a rock and a hard place with boundaries being pushed from everyside.<P>Thank you for taking time to read this post. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by ceratium_nut (edited March 09, 2001).]

Wow you are in a tough spot. I personally don't think I would tell your mother - it is not your spot. However, you might pull your father aside and say I know what is going on, if you don't tell Mom - I will and give him a time frame to do such. As for the other guy - the H - I think he is going through you because he is desparate, distraught, looking for answers. I personally don't think he means any harm. However, I would kindly tell him that you don't wish to speak to him again, you are sorry for the circumstances and please leave me alone or I will call the police for harassment. I wish you luck - I am so sorry!<P>Missy3

Missy has given you good advice. Don't get caught in the middle here. If you try to influence your father, he will alienate you as well. Nothing is important as the "affair."<P>Hang in,<P>God Bless

Hi Ceratium<P>What a lovely screen name. Here is how I would handle it at age 58, long way from a 25 year old.<P>One of the lessons you learn by this age is that the first information you get on anything is almost always wrong. Before you jump into anything, it is recommended that you check your facts first.<P>In my never to be humble opinion, if it was me, I would make sure of what is fact and tell the fact to my Mom. Did this caller give you his name, address and telephone number?<P>How do you know the details of the separation of OW and H/caller? Are you relying on what he said?<P>I sure wish you had pressed the caller to find out how he got your phone number.<P>There is a world of difference between your Dad going to visit this guy's wife, and some anonymous caller claiming that that is going to happen.<P>I don't know whether or not you have to confront your father, but I think it is a good idea for you to tell him that you received that call.<P>Praying For You,<P>Bumper

Don’t lie to your mother. Do not “enable” your father to have an affair.<P>His affair is your business plenty of your business. Keep in mind that he will most likely not care what you think about it. He may try to alienate you if you try to influence him. However, as Dr. Laura says, & I agree 100% with, “do the right thing.”<P>This does not mean you won’t hurt anyones feelings. But do <B>not</B> hesitate to let him know where you stand on this issue.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Hello,<P>If you are who I believe you are, your initials are JDS. Anyway, I want to protect you anonymity on this forum, so just realize this is your friend from El Paso. I am so glad that you decided to post here. I would suggest that you get your mom to come here also.<P>Read as much as you can on this forum. Not everyone here is a Christian, but you can get really sound advice. I would suggest that you read more on the Infidelity forum, especially in the General Questions area.<P>Also, the offer to call me or my wife is still open.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,<BR>John

Missy3, RWD, Bumperii, Chris, IsIt2Late:<P>Thank you all for taking the time to reply. <P>I did press the H/caller as to how he got my #. He said it<BR>was laying on a piece of paper at the house. He thought is W wrote it there. (Though b/w U & me, I never gave it to her/OW, but my dad might have.) <P>I tried to reach my father by phone before the "trip", but was unable. Then before I left for the weekend, I received a call from my mother saying that she isn't sure where he his, as he hasn't reported to work either. (She is checking up on him, and the people he worked with previously are helping her do so.)<P>I didn't say where he was, because I only had the other guy's info. Though still, i am hoping to talk with my dad before I say anything to my mom. I hate lying to her. But I agree that it really should be my dad who tells her.<P>The biggest problem in their marriage (from my perspective) is that they do not communicate well. So if I do the communicating for them, i am merely helping them not communicate with each other. <P>Staying out of the middle has been very difficult, especially because i am the oldest, and i am the peace-maker of the family. When i went to college, things were more tense at home for everyone. <P>Again, thank you. Your thoughts, advice, concern, encouragement, and prayers are important to me. <P>Ceratium<P>Bumperii: Ceratium is the genus of my favorite<BR>dinoflagellate (photosynthetic microorganism). <BR>It looks like the eiffle tower.<P>IsIt2Late: I am who you say I am. Thank you for your<BR>encouragement. I am working on my mum.<P>Missy3: you are wise.<BR>RWD & Chris: Thank you. I hadn't thought about my "silence" as a means of enabling my father.<P>Grace & Peace.<BR>