This Sunday is our anniversary, and I do not know what the heck to expect. I can honestly say that I never thought we'd get to another anniversary, and that's something to be grateful for, in and of itself. However, I keep thinking of last year--we went out to dinner with his mom and he wouldn't sit by me, wouldn't hold my hand, wouldn't look me in the eye and wouldn't talk to me. OUCH! <P>In some ways, I feel like I should be happy that we have something to celebrate, but in real life, I feel more like the memories are overwhelming me. Just last night we found a box that had a whole bunch of cards and letters in it--cards and letters that I had sent to him while he was gone and with OW. He told me that he can not believe the way I treated him while he was treating me so badly, but unfortunately, for me, finding that box openned up a whole Pandora's box of old, hurting memories. <P>I'm sure I'll "survive" the anniversary okay, whether it's wildly romantic or ignored, because now I know how to do what I need to do for myself. The wall I'm hitting is that now that it's been a year, I keep getting reminders of what was going on a year ago.<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Like you said, be grateful for "another" aniversary. Something tells me it won't be ignored! Try as hard as it may be, to put aside the hurting memories. Don't expect too much, but do try to enjoy the anniversary of your marriage. I am so happy for you and this opportunity to rebuild, tough as it may be. I wish you a terrific weekend!<P>Love,<BR>Petrie<BR>

CJ<P>I don't how well this would go down, but why don't you and your h sit down and plan something together. That way, hopefully, there are no suprises or disappointments.<P>This would be a great opportunity to use POJA.<P>Thats my 2 cents!<P>Bob

Hi CJ,<P> Mine is coming up in April. I am a little nervous myself.<BR>Last year he watched me cry, before he went to work.<P>------------------<BR>Deb

CJ,<P>I think I am going to send you one of those neck braces that people wear when they have neck/shoulder injuries... Why? So you can't keep turning around to look back! <P>I can only imagine how hard things are for you right now... Just try and try and try to keep focusing ahead! You have come sooooooooooo far with God's help. Now He wants you to work harder than you ever have before and He wants you both to keep looking forward. I have a suggestion: Everytime you begin to think about the past and you stumble, say a little thank you to God for where you are currently at.<P>I pray for His strength, courage and perseverence to enter and remain in your daily life!<P>God Bless!<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Well, everyone, here is an update:<P>Our weekend and our anniversary went GREAT! All day on Saturday we spent the day together just putzing around the house and doing household chores, but we did everything together: laundry, dishes, grocery shopping and watching movies. We even made some huge hamburgers on the grill and had a little "picnic" on the porch!<P>A couple of times during the day, he asked me how I would like our anniversary to go tomorrow, and so we decided together to have a quiet day, sleep in, have brunch together--that kind of thing. He had made reservations for dinner but wouldn't say where, so I knew I had that little surprise to look forward to. <P>Last but not least, we talked about everything that occurred this past year, and I told him how I was feeling overwhelmed by the emotions of the past. All-in-all it was COOL, because he responded in a new way: he let me talk and said he understood, and he wasn't defensive or hurtful. He also talked about how HE FELT (which he never did before). I also told him that one of the big lessons I had earned was that I was responsible for my own happiness, and so if there was something I needed or wanted for our anniversary, it was MY responsibility to either tell him or do it myself or do it with the kids--it wasn't his job to read my mind. Sooooo...I was VERY excited because things really do seem different--there really have been some major changes in both of us!<P>Anyway, so Sunday was our anniversary. We got new, big, fluffy pillows for our bed on Saturday, so we slept in late on our new fluffy pillows. Then we went out to brunch. Then we did some "errands" and house shopping (he held my hand in the store!!). Then we went out to our fancy anniversary dinner...guess where??? At the restaurant where we had our first date! OMG--what a romantic idea! BUT WAIT, there's more. At dinner, we exchanged cards and little gifts, and you will NEVER, EVER guess what he gave me. A new diamond ring! He told me, "This is a new relationship and a new marriage, you should have a new ring." OH MY GOD! Blow me over with a feather! I cried for a while, because I could NOT believe it. WOW!<P>Now we are trying to decide if our new ceremony should be a religious ceremony with a rabbi in a synagogue, or an Elvis drive-through in Vegas! My H laughed and laughed (and laughed and laughed), because he said he could see doing both! <P>WOW, huh?<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

CJ,<BR>I'm very happy for you. You got it. <P>OOOO

CJ,<BR>I am so so so happy for you. You must be walking on cloud nine right now!!!!! You deserve it.<BR>It is so wonderful to hear a success story like yours, it is like, wow, it can really happen.<P>Love to you,<BR>Petrie

Mike, <P>Thanks for your throughts and prayers. You know, I had a feeling that some mighty spiritual warrior was out there praying for me, because there were definately times when I could NOT go on, and at times like that God said, "Then let ME do it." DUH! When will I ever learn, huh? <P>You are right about one thing that is SO important to this recovery stuff--keep looking to the future. The past is done and can not be changed, but the present can be different. I can't tell you how many folks I've met over on the recovery board who are in absolute AGONY over the fact that they keep looking back. Now, I'm not an idiot--I know that there needs to be some repent and repair, but I think looking to the future is KEY.<P><BR>OffOnOnOff and Rejected,<P>Thank you both so much for your notes. Just so you know, I think and pray for you guys both every day, that God will send His angels to you to comfort you. It's nice to have you'all out there as friends, though.<P><BR> <P><BR>CJ <P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Congratulations, CJ, keep up the hard work, don't get complacent, and good luck to the future!<P>When are you going on vacation? <BR>taking that RV trip yet?<P>NUTS & WIFTTy<P>

FaithfulWife,<P>I hope you don't mind me living my life vicariously through you for a little while I am so absolutely excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>You have come so far - the both of you have. It sounds like God has indeed touched your husband's heart - and what is just as important is that your husband seems to be open to His will. I sit and read this with a tear in my eye (for a couple reasons - see my other post). Be so thankful for where you are at right now. AND don't forget to keep the big Guy in your marriage always...<P>God Bless!<P>Mike

CJ - I've been intending to e-mail you directly and ask how it was going. Only I've been doing my own personal funk and haven't had the energy to spend on it. Been really trying to focus at work and haven't had a lot of time for being here or on my email.<P>You don't know how much you've been in my prayers. And your husband. I know that it takes two to tango. And he need prayers just as much as you. <P>If I were there I would give you the biggest hug. I am so proud of how far you two have come. If this doesn't sound like a miracle, I'm not sure what would. <BR> <BR>(((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))<P>Love you!<BR>Jane-Elise<P>

<P>'Nuff Said<BR>D<BR>

CJ:<P>That is wonderful news! I'm so happy for you. <P>Jen

FaithfulWife,<P>Wow, you just lived my dream. I am so glad it happened to someone. I like your attitude of looking forward, we can't change the past, we can only change the here & now.<BR> good luck on your journey into recovery. Prayers for you, your H & your family.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:<BR><B>...you will NEVER, EVER guess what he gave me. A new diamond ring! He told me, "This is a new relationship and a new marriage, you should have a new ring." OH MY GOD! Blow me over with a feather! I cried for a while, because I could NOT believe it. WOW!<BR>...<BR>WOW, huh?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yeah, WOW! <P>This is so very encouraging, and I confess to getting a bit teary over this myself.<BR>

CJ - If you have another wedding, who will plan the bridal shower? I'll book another block of hotel rooms in Nashville and we can have it here. Do you want linens, lingerie, cooking stuff? <P> <BR>Jane-Elise

or invite us all to Denver, and some of us will join you!<P>its a great reason to travel, isn't it?<P>tom<P>

Your royal majesty and sWIFTTy, <P>You two are incorrigible. Shall I invite the entire nation to my hometown for my bachelorette party too? Do I even HAVE a bachelorette party? What exactly IS the protocol for an Elvis, drive-thru wedding for two people who are already married again? Let's see . . .<P>Mr. and Mrs. Mark Wolfe<BR>cordially invite you <BR>to join them in Los Vegas<BR>and watch them drive thru<BR>the Elvis Chapel<BR>in their rented, red Corvette<P>Is that about right? Right now the votes are about 15 for the Elvis drive-thru wedding and 0 for the rabbi. Shall I wear a bright red, low cut dress or something tasteful in black leather? Hmmm....details, details. <P><BR>Okay, all kidding aside, GDP, I am with you. It still brings a tear to my eye and a smile to my lips. WOW! And of course any of you guys can come to Colorado anytime you want and I would be HAPPY to show off my state to you. There is so much to see, and it is so beautiful, that you'll need more than a weekend--so plan for a couple of weeks! <P>You guys, thank you all for all of your warm wishes, good throughts, and prayers. It has been so helpful to know that when I am too tired to be good just one more time, you'all are here backing me up. Also, I've learned so much from you all that I just love the heck out of you all. Thanks!!<P><BR>CJ<P><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

So, what about the shower? I'd need to do it here rather than transport all that stuff.