Well, he came home, i fed him dinner, he went out for a job interview (though he has taken the one up north), i really tried to make him see i was interested afterward and let him know how proud i am of him. He slept in the spare bedroom, I did not argue. I could not sleep at all, and got up and watched tv all night (well, passed out on the couch... ) He came back to bed around 4..was "too cold" here, and then got up at 6 and left. We were very civil, not affectionate. distant, but not cold.<P>I dreamed that he had an affair with a woman we both know and hate, and they had broken up, and she was all distraught, and i was comforting her (that really did happen with OW at first discovery!).I asked him (in the dream) if he had anyone else on his list of women to have affairs with, he said yeah, but i woke up right then.<BR>H seemed frustrated that i had not slept, and it seemed he blamed me for the nightmare, but i guess my mentioning it at all was a lovebuster, so i apologized.(IF i were him I would feel guilty if he had nightmares about my ex-cyberguy, so maybe that's what H was feeling?).<P>I really, really felt angry with him last night, but i did not say anything. It all just seems so hopeless! Where is the happy, loving man i married? And why do i feel all the blame for the problems? <BR>I've admitted my online indiscretions, apologized for them, and ENDED them. I've admitted that i was a rather lackluster wife, and made efforts to improve. I've been trying to stop the lovebusting and screaming, but i lose it whenever i find there has been contact with OW (phone bills, ATM reciepts). I'm doing all i can, and i still feel like this is all my fault. <P>I guess i know the answer...TIME, and no lovebusting. Also, i need to acknowledge that he HAS made a major decision in taking this job and moving home. I just want it to be all fixed, NOW, and am being impatient.<P>I wish there were a magic relationship wand...NO girls, not the frying pan or the rolling pin! <P>Well, I'm taking the 2yo up to H's new job for lunch, i hope, so wish me luck. He says his cubicle is a wreck, so perhaps some flowers would be nice?<P>talk to y'all later!<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

LWB...<P>Our stories are remarkably similar...so much in fact that it scares me. The only difference is the fact that W and I haven't seperated to return. I'd like to talk to you sometime...to compare and help each other...lots of things I don't know how to handle.<P>

gee, L&S, i hope i can help...ask me anything.<BR>You DO know that he saw OW for 18 months, at least, and even lived with her without my knowledge for awhile?<BR>I think the main similarity is that we are right in the beginning of recovery?<BR>well, still, pick my brain anytime

Well, lWb, you are famous, you are the topic of conversation on the TOW board, you lucky little duck you.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Very well written, lWb. Thanks for sharing. I'd say my H and I are having very similar feelings of hopelessness. I think that's what makes this part of recovery SO HARD! There's no light at the end of the tunnel.<P>I love that rolling pin! LOL<P>l&s, welcome to h***! You're in good company. LOL Sorry if this offends anyone. I'm trying to keep a sense of humor about this stuff. <P>Lizbeth

hey sis, thanks for the compliment on my post being well written...i swear i sat over that thing for an hour and a half this morning..i sure worked out a lot of stuff doing that, though. very therapeutic.<BR>H and i had a nice lunch today, and he came home this evening to a fabulous steak dinner (ok, so he cooked it, and did the dishes ), and then he had to go south for some work stuff for the next couple days. at least he seemed sad to go. there was definitely more affection than the night before. be still my beating heart....(he even brought me roses, grape soda, and chocolate milk. oh, how pure sugar can warm my heart. grape soda? ooooh kay) <BR>im back to single till friday night. hm, maybe easing into it this is not so bad?<BR>i might even get some sleep tonight!

Hi LWB!<P>I read your post earlier - but didn't have a chance to reply. In fact I pulled it up a couple times, but got kicked off the computer! <P>I am very proud of what you did today for your husband. That was a deposit! Are you keeping score?<P>Will say more prayers for you. Now I have to run, because I am curious about the famous person you have become......<P>See you soon! <P>PS - Say hello to your hubby when you talk to him! Let him know how he is being thougth of here. We are all cheering him on.<P>I think it is wonderful that he has opportunities opening up all over the place for him. Read Malachi 2. It explains why those doors are opening.

thanks, tnt.<BR>i told H hi for you, he said he'd look for gideon's bible in his hotel room <BR>a very odd coincidence, his new company today gave him a penlight along with his business cards. sign from god?

WOW!<P>I have seen some signs from God recently! <P>If it wasn't so late - I'd write all about it. <P>Actually, Malachi 2 is for you too. It might give you comfort - those doors wouldn't open from God, if something wasn't shining up in heaven from your husband's heart towards you.<P>Sometimes our answers and hope isn't in the things seen - but God sees all, and he sees the heart. Something is going right, and I hope you realize it!<P>God Bless.<P>Connie

Oh man, you spoiled MY fun for tonight.... I was warming up the Frying Pan.... LOL <P>I'm glad you are doing well, and things are looking up for you. Keep looking forward!<P>TnT,<BR>I'm still looking for that window that has opened.... any ideas where it might be??<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

the best part about H being home is that the 2yo gets to see him. obviously he was the main reason we are working on our marriage.<BR>wellllll....the cutest thing happened.<BR>K is used to his daddy being home now, so when he woke up this morning, he ran all over the house saying, "da? da? da?..."<BR>I wish dhj's little boy were just a smidge older, so that his daddy would understand how much he misses him .<BR>K's first sentence, at 18 months, was to pick up a red race car like his dad's and say "bye bye da da"<P>ok, tnt, i'll read what you suggested, too. thanks.