Just wondered if any of the WSs out there would be willing to share their feelings of "coming out of the fog" -- back into reality of being back with or without their spouse and family.<BR>I'm sure my H is not ready for this yet, but I need to hear that it can happen, and I'd like to print the responses and share them with my H, eventually.<P>Thanks,<BR>Sun<P>

trying to educate your spouse without his/her permission is generally considered a LB. don't waste your time on him, work on yourself!<P>good luck<BR>WIFTTy

Sun,<BR>I agree with WIFTTy. Also you have probably come to teh wrong site as the majority of us here are already divorced or soon to be so our WS's probably haven't come out of the fog or at least won't let us know.<P>You may want to try the In Recovert forum.<P>Bob

Hi, Sunhasset.<P>I don't know if you went over to In Recovery or not but just want to encourage you to keep believing the best if possible.<P>My H instantly forgave me which I know is a miracle and sadly it would seem from visiting this forum not always so..rarely. Anyway, he was suspicious and so relieved when I went back to being truthful.<P>To be honest (relearning this!) I don't completely understand the fog concept---in part I do but in my story, I just wanted to end the A forever. I didn't know what would happen to me and it's been very difficult. March 15 is the one month anniversary of D-day for us. <P>I know that I felt like I'd been in a stupor for 6 months and within one week of confessing, I felt such peace at not having to live a double life, despite how tough everything is. <P>Your spouse is blessed that you really love H. I hope he will come out of his fog. I hope he will see the light of hope and love in you. Don't give up. If he becomes willing to work on the marriage, things, I pray, will get so much better. <P>this is only my opinion from my own experience. I am no expert and as you can see only a junior member but I hope something here helps. Feel free if you need to ask me further info or don't feel bad if this is not exactly what you're seeking and you decide not to reply. It's OK. but if it's all right with you, I will keep you in my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

sunhasset,<P>I agree with what WIFTT and RWD told you, but I also wanted to give you some encouragement that it does happen--it's rare, but not impossible.<P>My H left me in Feb. 2000 and had an affair until June 1st. Then he moved back home, "because the kids deserve a father" and continued seeing OW behind my back. This continued until Nov. 1st, when I found out he had never left her while I thought we were supposed to be working on our marriage. I moved out for about a weekn in November, and then I thought, "This is stupid--I didn't cheat! Why should I loose my home and kids", so I moved back in and would NOT move out. He moved in with OW and took her on a vacation for the Holidays. Then kids and I barely saw him for the whole month of December!<P>Then, in January 2001, I went on a date with a guy I really liked and wanted to know better. For some reason, my H acted REALLY funny, and I thought to myself, "What in the world is wrong with you?" Anyway, after a day or two I finally nailed him down, and his response was: "It just hit me that you will be living the rest of your life without me." (Well, duh!!) Anyway, somehow, this seemed to wake him up. I don't know why, but somehow it seemed to cut through the fog. <P>He has told me that the times during the affair where similar to being an alcoholic: he was numb, he was only thinking of what he needed, and he didn't care who he was hurting. But, like an alcoholic, you can preach and talk and try to explain it to them all you like, but until they admit to themselves that they have a problem, you can't do it for them. He said that he avoided the fact that what he was doing was wrong and that it was hurting his family, because in his head it felt so good. But like an alcoholic, when the day came that he admitted it to himself, then at that point he was able to receive help AND HELP HIMSELF. <P>sunhasset, I bet if you think of your H's affair like he is an alcoholic, it will make more sense. It has helped me a lot. He is not ready to say to himself, "I am an alcoholic, I am out of control, and I need help." He still kind of likes his liquor. And even though he may have stopped drinking for a while (by staying with you), in his head, he still thinks about the liquor and drinking and the warm, fuzzy way it made him feel. <P>When the day comes that, like an alcoholic, he is ready to admit it to himself, you might want to look at a website called Recovering Couple Anonymous--for couples recovering from the addiction to an affair. The address is <A HREF="http://www-recovering-couples.igc.apc.org/" TARGET=_blank>http://www-recovering-couples.igc.apc.org/</A> <P>Good luck! I hope this renews your hope and gives you the strength and courage to keep on going!<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.