My saga continues regarding my children.<BR>H has been gone for 2 years....no contact with me about parenting at all.(His choice) Had to contact me ashe wanted to take d away for March break...so finally he did and I also discussed many issues and problems the younger 2 kids were having. (No flaming, accusing or anything from my end, I remained very focussed and did not allow any other issues to cloud the conversation.I also used the terms "we as parents of.....")<P>Son 17 has been out of control,deciding that no rules apply to him. I laid down the law ...told him the specific consequences to specific behaviour and actions and told him that if he wanted to live in my home ,then that was the way it had to be. I did call his father last week about this behaviour. H who agreed..told me that his home was not to be used as an exit door,told me that the best place for son was in my home as I could not only provide the boundaries the kid needs,but also the other parenting caring he needs.<BR>H told methat he had made a mistake the previous time when son went to live with him a year ago....due to an impulsive choice. H told me that he was not an "on-call parent" I asked him to let son know that his door was not open to him at least during school time.<P>Well son balked at having to pay the consequences for his behaviour and went to his dad,who of course picked himup,despite letting me understand that this would not be an option for son!!!!!!!<P>Son knows that he cannot come back here now, he cannot go away with me for a week which I planned with him (as father had refused to include himin trip with d) <P>This wasall clearly explained to son prior to his choice-understandthat I as his parent make the rules and boundaries which I will and do enforce...and if you do not like them,then you are free to leave. But if you do choose this option,then I will not support you in any way. I told his father this as well.<P>So son left on Tuesday night.....I am frustrated,angry and father has left him on his own for a week while on his holiday with d (and bimbo and bimbo's child) so son can do what he wants whenever he wants etc etc.!<P>What is hard for me is that while son is 100% responsible for his behaviour,his father again has enabled this no responsibility attitude.<P>What is also hard is that I now have to stick to my guns,and when son might choose to come back, I cannot allow him in.Basically I cannot save him (as I have so many times,especially in his hurts form dad) and as a mother this is so hard,but I am also teaching all 4 kids that they need to be responsible for their behaviour and the choices they make in life. (and now standing back as I have to do is hard for me as a mother)<P>I am also incensed that the other kids,knowing and stating that their father was wrong to take kid in, refuse to acknowledge this in any way. Basically I am also incensed that they continue to enable his behaviour (in terms of the kids)which they know is wrong and this simply perpetuates the cycle of nuttiness I am living with.<P>What I have also had to do is decide not to care on a daily basis about the kids......thier behaviour and attitudes have caused me to have this reaction. There is nothing I can do for them that makes sense to me...no parenting,only good times is what they want so I am at the point of leaving them to their father and truly getting on with my life....a life which no longer centres on parenting the kids, taking care of them in a responsible way...and this is the hardest part. I guess I will be the aunt mom in their lives....since the other way does not work for 4 selfish, egocentric nd abusive teens who constantly put hurdles in my way to doing what I have to as a parent.<P>Sorry for the vent....I am fed up with all my 4 kids behaviour and their father whose desire to hurt me,is in the long run, hurting the kids more.<P>He did tellmethat I am losing the love of my kids....I told him that this was not about my fear of any of this,but doing what is right for the kid!. I no longer believe a word he says anyway.....whilethekids arenot my friends,(big buds with their dad) and can be angry with me, they love both their mother and father, and nothing he can do will ever change theirlove for me....<P><BR>Sorry about the vent.......but H is a pathalogocial liar, he is delusional,and demented. While that is his problem, hte faqct that this has so adversely affected the kids has been and will alwys continue to be my problem.<P>By talking to H again, reinforced what happened in 1999....that he was not anyone I knew or wanted to be associated with in any way.<P>

Hi willbok,<P>i thought about you recently, wondering if you were still alive. I scanned yours just before i posted mine, and i am pissed to no end. especially, on the way to my house for the weekend, the kids asked me what i did in the afternoons after school, and i told them i played outside before dinner, and studied after dinner unti bed. 9 yo and 12 yo started rebelling by saying that they didn't want to be perfect like me. (excuse me, but where the f@#$%^ did that come from?) and they were being very beligerent about not being perfect.<P>It is the direct result of the X standing up for them against me, in front of them inappropriately. it is the X criticizing me for working too hard, without talking to me about her concerns. it is her not supporting me in front of the kids, but always criticizing me.<P>The kids test me, just like they tested you, almost everytime i pick them up, and they realize i don't give in, and i stress rules, boundaries, and its their actions, not my rules, etc. you know the speech. i keep giving it, and they keep trying to talk me out of it. <P>since 12 yo boy is just like his mother in most ways, personality, genetic illness predisposition, etc. it will be hard even if i have custody. i have to meet with the lawyer in two weeks. but in reality, it will be difficult, and probably very expensive.<P>i have to think about it.<P>thanks<BR>hugs and hope to you!<BR>keep your strength!<P>tom<P>