In recent threads posted on this board, two members have spoken up about their new relationships with persons met on MB.<P>I also, am now in a relationship with someone I met on this board when posting under another name. I feel that perhaps we are members of a secret sub-group of this board. I felt from the first day that I discovered MB, that it could be a hotbed, so to speak, for people in crisis being drawn to one another. It certainly is not hard to find someone you have "something in common with"!! In our raw and open state, we are very vulnerable to a kind word and reassurance from someone who carries the same baggage in their broken heart.<P>I find the whole idea fascinating and wonder if any other brave souls are lurking and wanting to confess their meetings and/or relationships with other members. I have a feeling that Steve Harley may not be prepared to start attending all these marriages in the future, Plan "C"!! Ha!!<P>So, if you'd like to share, please do. Lord knows, many of us, have earned a little happiness.

Hey FreeAtLast,<P>I have to believe that I am one of the two you speak of. That or I am number three. Yes, we are all vunerable, being involved in infidelity sucks raw moose c*ck. This just makes me think of the scum hitting the school at the end of the day looking for single moms to screw. Sorry, not wanting to be nasty or graphic, just the way I feel.<P>In my situtation I tried my hardest to "win" back my W. It just didnt go that way. I still love her and probably always will. I found a "friend" here to talk to. She also tried to fix her M. We IM'd, we talked on the phone and it turned into something more. We found that we have so many similar interests and ideals for the future. I didn't come here to look for a third W. I/we have an attraction to each other. We are taking it SLOW. <P>And, I'll tell you one thing that I am very fortunate that my lady friend shares the same principles and thought patterns of LB that I do. As I said the Sheryl, we could do the "the death do us part" gig.<P>We both tried our best to save our M. It didnt happen. We just found each other here and I don't see that as a bad thing. Better than an "in search of" ad.<P>Dont know what the future will bring, but, I am happy now.<P>Guess you don't want to share your original name, eh?<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Zippy

Dear Zippy, AKA Tim,<P>Yes, you are one that I noted. I would agree with several points that you make. (Raw moose WHAT!! Can't say I ever viewed it in that EXACT imagery) I too, fought long and hard to make something out of the ruins of my marriage. Some situations are beyond tolerance or repair. Every person's tolerance is different but we all know when we've reached it.<P>I had struggled for a year after D-Day before I found this forum. It was a last ditch educational journey for me to assure myself that I had done, tried and exhausted everything to be able to live on in my marriage. I couldn't.<P>I too, "clicked" with someone who's circumstances were very similiar to mine. Like you say, here on the board, IM, email, phone calls and finally meeting. I guess it would play out the same for everybody. The great advantages are exactly as you state. With the additional information and guidance on what it takes to make a relationship successful and given our mutual understanding of our pain, we have a big head start.<P>I insist on going slowly. I have been on my own for a year and am in no hurry to change that. I think anyone would be wise to approach a new relationship with anyone, with great thought and caution. We are still damaged goods on the inside and it takes time to heal and find our footing again.<P>I think we are very fortunate to have someone in our corner to help us face our new lives with the greatest of understanding and empathy. <P>No, now is not the time to reveal my past spent here. A few feathers will ruffle and fly.<P>I wish the two of you all the luck in the world and whatever comes, you got another chance at the magic.<P>Peace and Healing!

Hi you two <P>Well, Free... I don't think you could stir the pot, or ruffle any feathers, any more than Tim and I have.<P>So, I say go for it and get it out there... it is cleansing, is it not Tim??<P>I'm happy for anyone who can find happiness in the midst of all the unhappiness and broken dreams we've endured. <P>I wish, as I said several times, that I'd waited to move... and yes, it would have been better to wait to begin a relationship. But...sigh... I didn't... <P>That being said, it is an amazing thing to find someone who knows me inside and out, much from what I've written on this site, and who is willing to follow the precepts outlined here. We communicate in a way that David and I never did, and I feel safe, for the first time in a long time.<P>I hope you two feel the same about the people you've chosen to spend your life with.<P>Take care, and maybe we'll be the only ones brave enough, or stupid enough, to post to this thread. I know there are others, but it's a pretty scary thing to put your life out there... just look at my thread! The best thing is truly how wonderful most who replied have been - almost without exception.<P>I was feeling bad for coming back here and putting this all "out there" but maybe I helped to open a door which needed to be open...<P>Remains to be seen, I think.<P>Peace and Love to you both,<P>Sheryl

Well...an MB marriage?? No. A fling was more like it! LOL LOL (for lack of a better word!LOL)<P>I won't name the person because it wouldn't be fair to him but he has become one of my best friends in the past year. It wasn't meant to be anything more than what it was, but I don't regret it. Was it painful that it couldn't be more? Sure. But we are still friends and I wouldn't want it any other way.<P>Well you guys! I guess I just got brave! LOL LOL <P>Mitzi

Mitz!!!! <P>You go Girl!!! <P>Love ya.<P>Gina <BR><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Mitzi!!!!<P>WHO?!?!?! LOL, all this excitement, and I didn't even know it!<P>Hi Gina & Tim & Cheryl & Free... All along I've thought that it would be the very best to finds someone who had been through all the same learning process. It is a strong basis for success. But also sharing our pain in other ways works too . <P>I'm just thankful for all the friends I've made here, and all the great advice, and other points of view! No love match for me here... LOL.<P>Well, it's late and the pain pills are makeing me dopey... I'll see ya'll later!<P>Butterfly

Gina!!!!!!!<P>HEY! How ya been??????? <P>Mitzi

Butterfly,<P>I'M NOT TELLING!! <P>How you feeling? <P>Mitzi

Hey Girls!!<P>I am doing fine.[other then getting over an upper respitory infection and now ear infections.]just dandy...lol <P>I am now knee deep in getting ready for a move.Selling the house next month and moving this summer.<P>Ok,so that is all that I am saying.<P>Love you guys<P>Hope to see you in VA!!<P>Gina <P><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Oh,dang.......<P>And Dawnetta...my prayers are w/you!! <P>Get some rest!<P>"SEE" you soon.<P>Gina <P><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Hey Gang,<P>Sheryl makes an excellant point. Gina [like you guys didn't know] and I read each others posts and knew so much about each other before we even spoke for the first time.<P>In the "normal" dating ritual, you see someone physically attractive, ask them out and find out more about them. "We" did it backwards. We knew almost everything about each other and then met. Looking back, I knew too much about her. Some of her posts, HOLY SMOKES!!! Even with all the junk in our past we were still attracted. It started with a mental attraction. I have to believe that it is a good thing.<P>It was a little ackward at first when I picked her up at the airport on our initial meeting, but with the hour ride back to the house we were very comfortable with each other. We always have a blast together. I'm a good guy and she is a great lady.<P>She got past my BIG nose and I saw past her glass eye, hook for a hand and wooden leg. Just have to remember which eye to look at when I talk to her.<P>I often smile when I think of how I met my "third W". I just don't understand how our Ss thought they found someone better than us. We are the best. <P>Dawnetta and Mitzi, you will find your someone. We were all drawn to this place for a reason. We have learned a lesson and next time will be much better for all of us. Ok, getting off my Wiccan soap box.<P>Sheryl and FreeAtLast, I really do wish you the best. I hope you find happiness as fulfilling as I have.<P>The Pinhead

Hopefully Free At Last you are divorced and your rebound is too? If you both aren't than you are no better than your BS. I read the posts here and the thing you all say sound just like what WS say when they are in the fog. I think it's very sad that a site like this is now being used as a cyber meat market. Of course I can hear you saying but it's not like that with us, we're different. Sounds like something a WS wouild say. <p>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited March 11, 2001).]

A Cyber Meat Market? Please. I have no doubt that some folks met here; people meet in lots of different places. Most that come here are incredibly vulnerable, lonely, sad, their self-esteem has been shaken to the very core. To describe those conditions as a meat market is rediculous. None of us should sit in judgement of another. <P>Sometimes it seems that some folks think that pain and suffering are somehow a virtue. Life is so very difficult...divorce is painful, betrayal is painful...why is so wrong to find light in the midst of all the darkness?<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I think it's very sad that a site like this is now being used as a cyber meat market.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't think this is the case at all! <P>We all came here in the midst of great pain, and we were drawn together. We became friends and family, offered support, encouragment and love to each other. With any group of single mixed gender friends who are this close, there is bound to be some who find a romantic connection. <P>I don't think ANYONE here came her looking for that, or even thought about finding that here. I do however think it is wonderful that during the recovery from the garbage we have all be through, that such close bonds of friendship have been made. And if a friendship so strong turns into romance, EVEN BETTER!<P>I know I have made some wonderful friends here, people who are family to me. Many I have never seen, and may never see, but they are very near and dear to me.... And I wouldn't change that for all the world! <P>I love all you guys!!<BR>Smooches,<BR>Dawnetta

TMD<BR> <BR>Of course I am divorced (note the name). My "rebound" is, as well. Why would you be so judgmental? Why would a relationship that has sprung from this board receive a label such as rebound? We waited until well after our divorces to meet. Does ANY relationship after a divorce qualify as that to you? As stated beforehand, any friendship that developes here is one that surpasses most of those in our lives. We are brothers and sisters in great need of help. We open our hearts and souls to one another and offer a hand. We are here looking for an answer to help survive a life that we no longer recognize as our own. God's work goes on here at this site, everyday, every hour, every minute. It is the goodness and resilence of others that sometimes keeps us alive! None of us came here, to the house of pain, seeking "a piece of meat". Anywhere, would be a better place to be....than here.

Ooooh Kay, here I go!! (Visualize Stu holding her nose and shutting her eyes as she jumps into the deep end here)...<P>ALL of you posting here (with the exception of one or two) know that I've expressed sentiments similar to TMD. Technically, if you aren't divorced yet, and you are with someone besides your spouse, then technically it is adultery. All the "I deserve happiness" stuff doesn't fly with me. I agree that morality tends to become quite subjective once we are the ones the rules are being applied towards. Been there, done that, got the bloody T-shirt and the emotional bruises to go along with it. It seems to me, if we are going to make a statement about infidelity, it has to apply to everyone, not just when it is convenient. If one's morals do not include this definition, then just say so. Otherwise, don't make excuses. <P>That being said, even if your spouse is the demon-spawn and has given you complete license to go out and find someone new, I just don't see any reason why someone shouldn't wait until after their divorce is final to start up a new relationship. On one hand, the "terms" of the marriage are completely between the two who entered it. Noone but they truly know what happened or what was agreed upon. However, it seems to me that even the appearance of adultery is likely to harm a relationship in the long run. We won't even discuss the danger of becoming involved too soon. Most of you know this. And I'm not even going to wag my finger and say these relationships won't last. My record is friggin 0-2, so what the hell do I know?<P>OK. I'm off my soapbox. I hope I haven't offended my friends here. I agree that the world isn't always "black and white", but ya know, we could sure all make our lives a whole lot easier if we could get used to the idea of delayed gratification. I know...easier said than done. <P>

I don't get it I guess. This is a website it is not real life. The idea that you can form better relationship here with someone typing on a computer screen using an alias than you can with those in the real world! And God's work goes on at this site! Wow! Yes there is a lot a good information here and it provides great support for those going thru terrible situations but it was not intended to be a dating service. At least one individual here has used it that way. <BR>People who come here are in pain and vulnerable and others can take advantage of that. Anyway I don't normally come to this forum I just stopped by to see if someone I recommended this site to had posted. Thankfully they have not. I am going to refer them elsewhere.<P><BR>

TMD...you need to lighten up a little. What is so disturbing to you? This place is not a cyber meat market. Sometimes people get together in very strange ways. Why is it so wrong when two DIVORCED people find comfort in each other? Should the person who has endured a divorce be a martyr? Why? <P>Everyone here has their own story. I am here because I have had endured absolute hell for a very long time. Most of us have. I honestly don't believe anyone logs on to this site with the intention of luring someone in. <P>I have learned that no one should sit in judgement. What is wrong with finding happiness? I met someone here...we are not a couple, but I believe we helped each other during an absolute horrific period in our lives. I don't know, but I think we have a bond that will never be broken because of how we met and what transpired for us. Perhaps we saved each other from something more horrible than what we went through...or continue to endure. I don't know. There was nothing horrible about it...or was it wrong. <P><BR>

TMD,<P>Just for the record I post on many message boards. Quite a few of them have nothing to do with infidelity. I have seen people on those boards start posting, then move on to IM then meeting in person. For some it didn't work out, Some are now engaged. <P>For me marriagebuilders is not just a website, it is a community, almost a family. I have shared some of my deepest hurts and fears here along with my greatest joys. I have friends here who mean everybit as much to me as my RL friends do, some even more.<P>I do not think that those who are still married and trying to rebuild should be getting involved with one another, BUT if both marriages are over and divorces have been filed for I really don't see a problem if people then decide to meet and see what happens. Now if people are still married and start pursuing another relationship while making their spouses think they have a chance that is a whole other story. I hope that is not the the case with our couples here. I know Medic has been separated for a long time, and I know the man tried everything in his power to restore his marriage. I don't know his new SO, but I am sure that she too did what she could. To ask anyone whos marriage really is over not to get involved with someone else is just silly. To ask them to wait until that time is perfectly reasonable.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>