My husband will not speak to me because of my weight. We have an eight month old daughter. I gained a lot of weight with the pregnancy and have lost all but five pounds. However, I would like to lose about 15 total because I wanted to lose 10 b-4 pregnancy. (I am 5'7" and weigh 145-150 lbs). My husband feels that my weight is completely within my control and he hates the way I look. He has stopped speaking with me because he does not think I am trying hard enough to lose the weight. I work full time and bring the baby to work with me. I take care of the home, cook, clean and do most everything around the house. I don't make enough time to work out or eat as healthy as I could. However, to me it is more than a weight. I don't think his behavior is justified and he simply says I know what I have to do to stop it. I need an outside opinion about whether he is right because the guilt and depression is really getting to me. I don't want to leave him and deprive our daughter of a dad. I also made a commitment and still care for him. I am having a hard time living this way though. I have suggested counselling and he refuses. Any suggestions. Thanks.

Hang in there! Sounds like you are doing great on your weight loss-most Doctors tell women to give themselves1-2 YEARS post-partum, to lose all the weight from a baby!You should be congratulated, not ridiculed.I know, my husband had a similar reaction- found me sexually uninteresting for a long time after #1, and I lost all my weight right away, too.<br>In therapy, we learned it had more to do about his fears about changes in our lives, both physical/emotional, to do with assuming the parenting role for a new baby.Does your husband have good parental role models?Mine didn't, and we still struggle with his issues on intimacy responsibility, 10+ yrs into the marriage.He is better, but the key was to get him to look at why my post-baby weight is such an issue for HIM.God Bless, and Congratulations on assuming your new rol/working etc.You must be a strong woman-take a bow!MARYGOLD

KSolheid,<p>I don't think your husband is treating you right at all. I would not want my wife to be fat. She also picked up weight after our sons were born. But she's always had pride in her figure and she took the weight off through diet and exercise. While she was overweight I didn't prefer it but she was still my wife.<br>I can see how your husband wants you to lose weight. But I can't see how he will not speak to you because of it. That is totally wrong. At best he should be working with you to help encourage you, and help tailor circumstances where it will be easier for you to lose weight. And he should be treating you with respect in the meantime. I don't know how you're approaching it. If you give the impression that you don't care about your weight I can see how that could make him a little perturbed. But I still don't see that as call not to speak to you. If you want to stay married I'd try to lose weight and just improve myself in general. Do it for yourself, not just for him. Perhaps when your husband sees what you're doing his conscience will [censored] him about how he has acted towards you.

KSolheid,<p>I don't think your husband is treating you right at all. I would not want my wife to be fat. She also picked up weight after our sons were born. But she's always had pride in her figure and she took the weight off through diet and exercise. While she was overweight I didn't prefer it but she was still my wife.<br>I can see how your husband wants you to lose weight. But I can't see how he will not speak to you because of it. That is totally wrong. At best he should be working with you to help encourage you, and help tailor circumstances where it will be easier for you to lose weight. And he should be treating you with respect in the meantime. I don't know how you're approaching it. If you give the impression that you don't care about your weight I can see how that could make him a little perturbed. But I still don't see that as call not to speak to you. If you want to stay married I'd try to lose weight and just improve myself in general. Do it for yourself, not just for him. Perhaps when your husband sees what you're doing his conscience will [censored] him about how he has acted towards you.

I have to agree with the others. Although physical attractiveness is a mans need. He's going about it all wrong and much too harshley. (and hey, I weigh the same as you and am 5 inches shorter!!! so it could be worse!) There has tobe an underlying fear on his part. Good luck

Sounds like there's some other problem other than the weight. I'm suspicious.<br>The problem is that as men get older we start looking like Sean Connery (good, right). The other problem is that as women get older they too start looking like Sean Connery.<br>Sometimes we never understand. Sometimes I call it "justification by putdown" -- we elevate ourselves and build self confidence by putting others down. Typical of insecure people.<br>I have a friend whose wife is about 5' and weighs around 100lbs. The other night he started dogging her about being over 100 lbs (maybe by a pound or two. They got in a big fight, I couldn't believe it. <br>You guessed it, when describing him the word "insecure" would be one of my first choices. <br>You can't change your husband but you can try to understand him a little better, which might make your life a little easier.<p>[This message has been edited by czechy (edited 01-28-99).]