Looking for women to share their "sucess" stories on how to make it through those "though" times (lol).. Just recently married & husband (12 yrs my senior) is not as interested in sex as I am.. Would love to chat further....

Haaa- If I knew how to get through it I think I wouldn't be in this forum. Looking forward to others' comments too. (and isn't that WHY older men marry younger gals---lol ) Also, I think i don't want ot learn to live with it, I just want to FIX it

LOLOLOLOL<p>Lotta guys on here saying "shoulda picked me"<br>In reading about all of the women on this forum who's sex drive is left unsatisfied I think all those woman live in an ice breaking camp in Siberia and just got internet access. I never found one , heard of one, or even imagined one till now.<br>I have no advice, sorry.

GBM:<br>So, how long have you been in this position? H & I just got married in August & granteed he worked unbelievably long hours up until Christmas then, got sick but MAN!! I come from a culture where you have sex whether you're sick or not (lololol) ( I wish).. Anyhow, we chatted this morning & we're going to go to counselling- hopefully a PAIRS marriage seminar on "Intimacy".. What have you & your h decided to do? How are you doing? If you need to talk- joyross@concentric.net

The brain is the largest sex organ. Imagination and good sex go hand in hand. Foreplay begins in the morning before your hubby goes to work and continues through the day with phone calls to him telling him how much you love him and with a warm welcome when he comes home from work. In short if you want to light your fire you need to light his fire.

The brain is the largest sex organ. Imagination and good sex go hand in hand. Foreplay begins in the morning before your hubby goes to work and continues through the day with phone calls to him telling him how much you love him and with a warm welcome when he comes home from work. In short if you want him to light your fire you need to light his fire.

Thanks Mars... "TRUST ME".. I too subscribe to the day long "four play".

I agree with pragmatic. Where do you women come from? My wife says women like you don't exist.<br>Did you have great childhoods? Loving relationships with your dad? Did you horse around (not sexual) with your brothers? Are you just physically oriented people?<br>And taking it a step further - who are these guys? Most men I know would be thinking about sex if they had one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. The ones I know who aren't thinking about sex with woman are thinking about sex with a man.<br>I guess the guys who want it don't get it and the ones who can get it don't want it.

Czechy:<br>Believe it or not, there are some of us out here & we're also willing to work it out & not search else where.

joyross-<br>i've been married for 10 years. My husband has never been one to initiate sex. Ithink in the beginning I was to blind to realize that I was doing all the work. My story (the painful one) is about 5 years old and after much distress thing are getting better.

GBM:<br>Glad to know things are better!.. What did you two do to turn things around?. My h and I are making a conscience effort to do things that will enhance intimacy in general (ie- dinner without TV- special trips).. We're going to a Marriage Seminar called PAIRS this coming weekend so I'm really excited about the fact that we've addressed the situation at a very early point in the relationship. Keep up the faith!

Joyross--<br>Sorry I had to cut my last post short--my husband woke up.<br>But I think you are right, it is a VERY good thing that you are already addressing the problem now before it becomes part of your history. I wish I would have. Here's the jist of my situation. We were very busy for the first three years of our marraige. Then we had kids! But we didn't have much time together until about 5 years ago and found that our daily lifestyles weren't an easy match. PLUS, he had a low sex drive and didn't help with the kids. Anyway, I pleaded for us to work on our relationship for a few years, only for him to say that he was happy, why couldn't I be? (cause there wasn't much of a relationship there besides a partnership for the household and kids). Then I went into a pretty deep depression, got help (meds), was counseled, told to get joint couseling, he hated it. I stopped going and taking meds, tried to be happy on my own, a year later realized that it wasn't working (that was early this fall/late summer). Have been on meds again and am able to cope with life. Our realtionship is better because I am able to cope with stress better. I am a happy person again. And I have the energy to try harder with our relationship. But if I really examine our relationship very little has actually changed. <br>Pragmatic---I swear there are other women like me around. I think (IMHO) that other women would feel like this if they realized that it could be wonderful. They must be in the mindset that sex is just for men. Just like men (ok--some) think affection is just for women. But if we'd really look at those needs working together it's be a huge WIN-WIN situation. (for example, my husband is VERY happy with our sex life when I am happy with our relaionship. But I don't much care to make love and please my husband when he has put no effort in the relationship and my needs.)

GBM:<br>I'm really glad to know that you have found a combination that allows you more control over your feelings. I know it's challenging & i'm also glad for this forum for us. I was chatting last night with a lady who had posted with similar concerns & we've since begun e-mailing directly & it makes me see how "Fortunate" I am to have my H in genereal. Sometimes we just need a supportive plane. Hope to chat further.

GBM:<br> this is an addition to my last posting. If you have ICQ, my number is 5365977

joyross, i have no clue what ICQ is !!!

GBM :-)<br>ICQ is a software program that is similar to the AOL buddy system. It allows you to see when your "buddies" are online & you can have spontaneous messages relayed to them or, you can go into a private chat . It's really wonderful. If you'd like to review it, their web site is www.mirablis.com It's a "free" program. All the best!

There are us women out here who like sex alot.We do exist. I don't live in Siberia either,but in the wonderful Arizona sun.I have a terrific relationship with my Dad.My childhood was normal until my folks divorced when I was 14.I wouldn't touch my brothers with a ten foot pole.I think I was exposed to sex alittle too early by a neighbor friend, and I have pretty high hormones and I think I just loved the feeling and the attention.<br> I have a post that you can read to get the background on me.I won't bore the others with repeating it. I basically deal with my sexuality by self gratification when I am climbing the walls and h isn't interested. I don't really feel guilty about it because I am not fantasizing about another man.I am thinking of my h. I think he asked me once if I did ever m .he didn't seem upset. He was kind of glad that the pressure was off him to have sex. So as long as it doesn't bother him, I will do it when I need to. It doesn't fulfill emotional intimacy, but it gets rid of the desire for now. I would never cheat. I would always be faithful to him. I don't read trashy books or mags or watch porno. I do sometimes wonder why God gave me a husband without a lot of sex drive when he knows that the whole point of me getting married was to have sex!!! I told my h once in our 1st year that there are millions of guys who would die for a wife that wants to jump his bones all the time. He says he can go without sex for years. I can't use sex for a weapon like some can. He uses it against me. I used to have a boyfriend in highschool that loved sex. It was intoxicating and addictive. The reson we broke up was because he was an atheist and we couldn't live with the differences. I know it is wrong to look back, but I guess I have to be thankful I had some fun in life. I guess it was a tradeoff.I got a man who loves God, but gave up the guy with the earthshattering sex.Go figure.

Well, my hubby isn't quite THAT low on sex drive, but he can go for a week or so without really wanting it. Especially if he's really stressed out. He tells me that when he's extremely stressed, he doesn't even think about sex! I've never heard of that before!! I can see not thinking of it for a day or two, but for a whole week? I'm female, and I think about it a lot! I don't know if it's everyday, but it's close to everyday! You're right,there are those of us women who have high sex drives. And no, I Didn't have the happiest childhood, had NO contact with my Dad whatsoever, but I did get along well with my brother. We've always been close. I don't know if that affected anything or not. But I've been orgasmic since I was 5 years old...that's when I started masturbating. It could've been even younger than that, but I can remember doing it at 5. So, I guess that I always knew it could be wonderful. I even grew up with a mother who basically gave the impression sex was dirty and women weren't supposed to enjoy it, even though she never came right out and said that in so many words. I recall being caught masturbating when I was little and she'd make me stop, saying it was ugly. But, as soon as she turned her back, I was at it again! So, that didn't deter me one bit. So, i've been highly "sexual" since I was a baby practically. Maybe it just became so much a part of who I am that I can't imagine life without it! Who knows?

tommywife and diana,<br>It's funny how I can have sex with my husband at least 4 times a week, but if you have read my posts I cant orgasm with him, but can when alone. We would probably have sex more but my husbands work is very stressful and physically draining and yes there is such a thing as low sex drive due to stress..mental or physical. My husband is 42 and that may have something to do with it but I count myself lucky to be having it 4 times a week, after I listen to your stories. I too masterbate to relief the pressure of simply not having an orgasm with my husband...but would not trade the physical closeness and the smell of him those 4 times a week for all the orgasms in the world. Do your husbands let you cuddle with them? But then again if you are really wanting sex I guess cuddling just makes it worse and your husbands know this. There has to be a compromise where you and your husbands get away 2 times a month for a special weekend of lovemaking. You cant just let passion die. To me when passion dies that is when we start looking outside marriage for that old boyfriend or any man who is atttentive and fills our empty basket. Time is a precious comdity, but there is enough for sex too...it's just a matter of priorities and husbands as well as wives need to realize this.<br>tommywife, I started masterbating when a small child too. Once I discovered this secret delight I couldnt stop either. I often thought that this may be the reason I cannot orgasm with my hubby. And when a child a didnt orgasm with my hands but by rubbing my thighs together strongly. Any insight? Good luck to all of you.<p>[This message has been edited by hopeful2 (edited 02-04-99).]

yeah, my h lets me cuddle with him.I usually have to do favors to get kisses and stuff. If he asks for a drink of water, I say,"I'll do it for a smooch!"He doesn't seem to mind, but then I try to get more than a smooch.He teases me all the time.He takes a shower, doesn't let me come in, and then walks all over the house naked while singing,"I feel good..da da da da da da da"When I go over to pinch his butt, he playfully says to get away"Can't touch this..."He did that the other night.I try to get something going.We're both awake and one of us is naked.THen he doesn't want to get dirty after his shower.What am I going to do with him.I think I had my first O when I was 11.My jeans were too tight and I started rubbing and discover it felt better. My h can usually give me an O when I am warmed up enough. No one else ever has, so until I got married, I thought I couldn't have an O during actual sex.Oral sex does it every time for me, but he doesn't like giving it much. So, when I don't have the O during sex I can do it myself in under a minute. I really don't need the O as much as the affection.When he has a bad nightmare, he is really passionate.I am usually asleep, but I enjoy all the love instead of just a quickie or something.