Well taking of your wedding ring is somethin only you can diceide. I left mine on for over a year after my wife left me and our subsequesnt divorce went through. I had to be separated for 12months before I could divorce because I was only married for 12 months and a day. The ring stayed on a year after this. It was a big step for me as it is for most people. Take your time, there is no hurry and only do it when you feel its time too. Good luck.

hmmmm -- this topic has a couple of threads going.<P>My husband had an affair. He wore is ring off and on no matter if he was with one of 'them' or not. It didn't matter to him. I stayed with him and tried to work on the marriage. After about the first 5 months I asked him when he would like to renew our vows (as we had said when we stayed together). He said he would not marry me again if I gave him a million dollars. That was when I took off my wedding ring. After that I only wore it on holidays. He never noticed until the day I left, 9 months later.<P>I still struggle with my vows and what they mean. My counselor has assured me that God will not hold it against me that I have left him. But he would not leave. He just kept searching out these other women and when they went sour, he came running back to me. I could not take it anymore. So I left. I believe strongly in marriage vows. I know, I could stay married -- he has not initiated anything legal. Also, I could divorce for the financial protection (he is a BIG spender) and yet remain faithful to my vows. Is this REALLY what God expects? Honestly, I don't want to hear that. I don't want to think that. So I have really put some distance between myself and God. I know THAT is not right. But there is the conundrum.

Hello,<P> Twice bitten three times shy. Thats what I think about marriage vows. 9 years with one unfaithful, abusive, addicted bi/polar was quite enough. He died. I was 28<P> Then I thought I found my soul mate. He always claimed we were. Both born again Christians (like so many others on board), best friends,the whole nine yards. Until Dec 99. What a big surprise. A new soul mate. I found out March 18,2000. That did not stop him. Full steam ahead. I was about to be (dumped) for OW on May 5th, but she turned him down. Fake recovery until Nov. When he finally gave up!!<BR>So may lies for too long. I feel used and was 2nd choice. I just found out TODAY, that yes they contacted each other on a regular basis, all summer long. When I asked him if he talked to her , it was always, no. My LORD how can anyone lie so long and expect you to recover your marriage?<P> I am proceeding with the D myself, he doesn't want one (he claims). But I say no. Since he left me feeling 2nd choice. It is now my choice to accept him. I say NO..<P> I never want to get married again. I prefer at 48 to live alone than be used and abused again. So much for marriage vows. <P> Lots of Hugs and Prayers to those of you who do not want a D.But get one anyway. I didn't want one either, but after all the lies. I do.<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Personally, I don't know what to think in the general case. But even the most staunchly conservative and (Christian) fundamentalist cultures I've been exposed to do not claim that divorce is never justified or advisable. The controversy generally seems to be in regard to whether it is then permissible to remarry.<BR>