Hello All,<P>Just thought I'd give a quick update. The last couple of days have not been all that fun. My STBX is still making preparations to leave this marriage. I believe she is very far into the fog, that even I can’t see her anymore. The changes that I have made in my life over the past 4 weeks have angered her to no end. Every time that I try to discuss anything with her, such as custody arrangements, she gets very irate. I still talk to in a calm, nice, understanding tone, and this just makes her even angrier. I believe that in her mind, she is the sole victim in the breakdown of this marriage. She wants nothing more than for me to prove her right and when I don’t, all hell breaks loose. I refuse to use the anger. I have also been working out more, and have lost 20 pounds in the past 4 weeks. She has noticed this. I feel better about myself than I have for a long time. I still would like nothing more than for her to come out of the fog so we could at least discuss the possibilities of reconciliation. This won’t happen, and I need to keep moving in a forward direction.<P>Lately I have felt like I just want her to leave (she is still living in the house part of the time). I want her to take her stuff, and move out. I want her to go live her little fantasy with the OM, and I want her to very much trip over reality and fall flat on her face. I do love her very much, but the strain that she has caused the kids and me has made serious withdrawals from my Love Bank. As much as I want her out, I still have a strong desire to try and make it work. Normal?<P>I have taken a couple weeks off from work so I can sort through some of my own feelings, and try to get my life on the track that I want it on. I look back over the past 4 weeks, and I truly believe that I have done everything humanly possible to get her back. Maybe it is not to be. Time to move on the next level of my life.<P>Griz<P>------------------<BR>Sometimes the hardest journeys in life are not the ones you embark on alone, but those that you choose to travel together.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Griz:<BR><B>Lately I have felt like I just want her to leave (she is still living in the house part of the time). I want her to take her stuff, and move out. I want her to go live her little fantasy with the OM, and I want her to very much trip over reality and fall flat on her face. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hey Griz,<P>Boy I know THAT feeling! If you read my posts on EN, I too was so tired towards the end that I couldn't wait for her to get the heck out of the house. Shoot, I practically offered to help her pack!<P>And then, lo and behold, she started coming by and playing family every other day or so... Imagine that! I had to put an end to that, as I felt that the insanity will just continue forever otherwise.<P>So now she's on her own, telling me that she cries every night because she is miserable <sigh>. Yeah, your W will also fall flat on her face. Not that she will come running back, but reality is usually ugly for the WS's.<P>All I can say is that I'm glad she finally left (I know it sounds very un-MB, but it is nothing more than Plan B). I know of others who are "stuck" with their WS's in the home, despite practically renting a forklift to get them the heck out... :-)<P>You're doing fine, Griz. Let her go, and focus on the big picture for a change, instead of only focusing on your marriage (this suggestion courtesy of JL).<P>AGG

Thanks AGG,<P>It just seems some days are horrible while other seem to go OK. I really do want her out. She needs to go see what she thinks is out there.<P>Days like today are particularly hard, because I woke from a vivid dream of her. It seemed so real, and once awake, reality kicked me square in the @ss. It makes me so damn angry that that sorry excuse for a man gets <B>MY</B> W, and I get to suffer because of it.<P>Once she finally gets her things and goes, I think it will be easier to evaluate things for myself. I am a realist, and know that the chances that my W will return to me are slim and none (with emphasis on the none). I am letting go more and more each day, and oddly enough seem to find more and more peace with this decision.<P>AGG, you have been a great support. More than simple words on a post can say. I have read your post on EN, and thought about replying, but unfortunately not much insight here. I haven't gotten that far along in my seperation. Do hang in there and keep in touch.<P>Griz<P>------------------<BR>Sometimes the hardest journeys in life are not the ones you embark on alone, but those that you choose to travel together.

I second the feeling. We have been separated for one year. I, too, could not wait for her to get out of the house. She has fallen on her face, but for some reason, does not mind (or can not see) the bruises and scratches.<P>It is normal for you to want to make it work. At least, that was my reaction, too. However, after a time with no work on her part, what is the point?<P>I need to do what is in the best interest of my children and myself. She chose not to be part of our lives.<P>I used to be upset because the oM took my wife away. But with distance comes perspective. It wasn't so great the last couple of years. I won't bore you with the details. If you want, search under my name. On one of my posts, I likened my situation to the man who kept hitting himself in the head with a hammer. When asked why he kept doing this, he replied "Because it feels so good when I stop." That is the way I feel. I have passed my former hammer to him. He is hitting himself over the head with it and doesn't even know it. Let's see if he lasts 14 years. I doubt it.<P>Good Luck. Take some time for yourself. And it does get better.<P>Gramps