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Joined: Mar 2001
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Wife of 12 years and 3 children wants out. No affairs. Been working plan A and in counseling unseccessfully. I went from the defense to the offense. We sat down and worked out a custody schedule but when it came time to sign it she started having a little question in her mind. She says i'm going too fast. Got it signed 50/50 joint legal and physical. Hope is stands up. After her earning income for over 70% of our marriage, she thinks that I should fully support her for the next 4 years so she can go to school without working. I don't agree and have expressed that nicely as she calls me a few choice words. She wants mediation but I don't know if that will work.
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Joined: Apr 2000
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Is the reason she wants out that you are not willing to support her when she goes back to school?<P>Seems like a minor issue to disrupt the children's lives over.<P>Clarification, please.
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Joined: Mar 2001
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No the reason she is leaving is that she is not happy and does not think she will ever be happy in marriage. I want nothing more than to reconcile. She won't. I do not want to hurt the children. I have been trying everything, she refuses.
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Joined: Mar 2001
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I would support my WIFE, if we were married, through school.
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Joined: Apr 2000
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Ah, the old "not happy."<P>I wish I could give you some advice about this one. I got the same thing. Of course, she was hot and heavy with the OM at the time (and still is).<P>Have you tried counseling?
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Joined: Mar 2001
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Tried counseling. She thinks that everything is my fault and when the counseler started with her issues she couldn't handle it. I have spent the last 12 years kissing her *** and when she said it was over I was devistated. I spent weeks begging and she controled me like a puppet. Once I said OK lets get things moving and started actively asking her to discuss the issues she got real confused and angry. It not fun to hurt the one you love, but sometimes it feels good to give her some of her own medicine. Still hopeful.
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
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Before going the divorce route, why don't you try what is called a healing separation. Draw up an contract between what is acceptable, such as access to kids, is dating permitted, etc.<P>By forcing her out on own she may wake up to the fact that marriage can be salavaged. By divorcing and you still supporting her will not sove anything.<P>By her being out on her own, she would move out since she wants out, reality can set in.<P>There are a few books with samples. One of them is "Rebuilding after the Relationship Ends." I don't remember who the author is. Some others will probably post some other alternatives.
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Joined: Mar 2001
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We seperated once before for 6 months, she knows what to expect. During that time she was working and I paid her bills so she had a lot of play money. I'm hoping that by taking a firm stance and staying on offence that her eyes will open. If they don't I still have to look out for my children's and my best interests.
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Joined: Dec 1999
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There is actually a book called <I>Divorce Dirty Tricks</I>, but why not make choices that let you look yourself in the mirror after all the dust has settled. <P>I realize it's very painful and its a strain to even approach equanimity about this ... perhaps more study on separation could help. There's a book called <I>Should I Stay or Should I Go</I> on "controlled separation". Maybe that will help ... at least one of you planning and setting ground rules and making rational decisions.
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