I've left any of the divorce procedings up to my husband, as I would not take any part in any of it. Of course I had to sign the papers-but I basically had to do that. He doesn't have to stay married to me if that isn't what he wants, and I guess that is that.<P>I had to stop by my office this morning to fax a few things to "our" accountant. Normally on the weekends I am on my own-meaning I can't come to the MB forum. But since I was here.......... <BR>I've felt like I have had absolutely no control over this divorce. He just came to me one day, or should I say called and told me that he saw the paralegal and they drew up the papers. He was more than fair, on paper anyway! He is/was a very controlling person. When I even brought up the fact that I was going to have an attorney check everything out, he turned into a psycho. He started to scream at me; fine if that is how you want to do it, turn it into a big mess (much more was said, and he was very cruel and he later apologized). So I decided that it was "fair" and I didn't want to fight (don't get me wrong, I am not meek).<P>So there it goes, as I am faxing stuff to my CPA, I am feeling like I didn't fight hard enough. I know that I have prayed and prayed and have shown my husband that the door was open and I have forgiven him and my love for him is so very deep. But it all didn't matter.<P>Tears are streaming down my face, I am in control of nothing. I have to let him go. I really don't want to. I miss him so bad.<BR> <BR>

I'm in the same posistion you are in, this divorce is all his doing and none of mine. He has gotten everything he wanted and I have gotten nothing. He's walking away happy and I'm left here trying to stop this gaping hole in me.<BR>This whole ordeal has been out of my control and I have no choices to make except ones I don't want. But what can we do? All I can do is actively promote my growing hatred of him and nurture it so maybe his leaving won't hurt so badly. Pretty terrible, no?

Rejected,<P>You are taking the first steps in realizing you are not in control. God is in control. He sometimes allows these things to happen to bring us closier to HIM. Please get into<BR>your restore books listen to God not the world.Show your h love but don't say anything to h. You will see changes in Gods time. I feel for you and your pain. I know it very well<BR>and even with all the changes I have seen I still let my emotions take over and I cry out to the Lord. I had one of those days yesterday. God showed me I still have some things to work on before my husband comes home. Remember God uses the pain to mold us.God wants your marriage restored but it will be in HIS time. Divorce is not an end.<BR>The divorce may have to take place in order for your husband to see that divorce was not the answer to his problems. Keep writing we will give you encouragement. Read your books and pray and believe.<P>Nduli2,<P>I am sorry about your pain also.Please believe me when I say I know that pain well. Never give up hope. Please don't try to hate your husband. I know the worlds tells us this is the way to end the pain but it will only make it worse. <BR>God has called us to love one another not hate. Hate leads to war not peace. Return evil with good. I pray this helps you. <P>gentle

I have no hope left to hold onto, I wish I did but the reality is that my STBX has totally written me off. Holding onto some faraway hope is just breaking me. I love him with all of myself but he does not love me and has gone out of his way to damage me. I will never hurt him but I can't stand loving him either. I would welcome him no matter what but the feeling is not mutual and that knowledge hurts a lot.

Nudli2,<P>A little over a year ago I felt just as you do now. Every where I turned I heard "no hope " go on with your life.<BR>I loved my husband so much and I had a gaping whole that was eating me up. The pain was so bad that I wanted to die. Then God opened my eyes to many things. One was that my husband had been taken prisoner by Satan and that was why he was teating me the way he was and still is just not as bad. This doesn't excuse his behavior it just explains it. <BR>God also showed me that I too had been taken prisoner and didn't even realize it had happened.I had fall for the lies this worlds tells us also. I had hardened my heart. God is giving me a new heart. A heart that has hope. Search your heart and you will find hope. Without hope all roads have a dead end and with hope the path becomes a journey and doesn't end. Don't search the world, search your heart. All things are possible with God. This is coming from someone who doubted that God existed just a few short years ago. It took me being brokened to realize that there is a loving God who can do the impossible. I hope this helps you.<BR>gentle

{{{{{{{REJECTED}}}}}}}<P>I'm sorry. I know the feeling. I still love my STBXW very much too. We are going to mediation to get custody of a children worked out, then she will file for D. I am so tired of the stress and pain, that I just want her to go. I do want her to be happy, but I am having trouble making peace with myself on letting go. I have told her that my door will always be open, but I am unsure if I can keep that promise. The fact that she stays with the OM when not here drives me nuts. <P>You are not alone in this. I do not want this D. But I have no choice but to go along with it and make my life the best that I can for my kids and myself. Keep your chin up. You will make it. You will survive.<P>Griz

REJECTED & Nduli2,<P>What can we do? Believe. Trust. Trust that God has a reason for all of this in our lives. Believe that even while sometimes we can't see that things WILL get better, they will!<P>Know that each of us is not leaving our marriages with "nothing". We are learning so much about ourselves. We are learning that our commitment is being and has been put to the test, and at least as far as we are concerned, we have passed that test. Can our spouses say the same thing? For all of us who have resisted the temptation to strike out against our spouses for revenge, we need to be proud of our actions. For those of us who have reacted with anger, its OK to mess up here and there, but lets all try to learn from our mistakes.<P>One thing we often forget when talking about faith and hope: It is soooo easy to have faith when we are in 7th Heaven and everything is going smoothly, it is only in the trouble times of our lives where our faith is truly put to the test. For faith is believing without seeing. Sure our spouses may have written us off, or that is how it appears, but we still need to work on our faith. Faith that if we believe, better days are ahead.<P>God Bless us all,<BR>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Mike,<BR>You know, I almost felt quilty for feeling so desperate and going to the Lord "out of desperation". My faith was strong before this whole ordeal started but I think I may have taken the Lord for granted, and my nice little life for granted. I've placed little "reminders" throughout my home, you know, like a rock that says "hope" or inspirational notes, and of course my books (the main one being the bible!) It helps to me to keep the faith and continue to have hope.<P>Better days are ahead for all of us!!! <BR>-Petrie<BR>

REJECTED,<P>I felt the same way that you do when me and my X were going through the procedures this past summer. I loved my X and did not want the divorce even though he had 7 affairs over the past year and one before that. The first one lasted 4 years. <BR>My X is very materialistic and wanted to squabble down to the last nail. At the time, I was emotionally and physically drained and did not fight for what was rightfully mine. What I thought I had that meant anything to me was already taken away so who cared about the couch or the lawn mower, etc. <BR>One afternoon after I had asked my X to come back home for the third time, I asked God to bring him back home if and only if my X would be faithful to me. He is know my X. <BR>There will always be times when the wound is open and the hurt will surface. In time, the wound does not open as wide and the hurt does not hurt as much. <BR>My X left me in June of 00. Now he is wanting to come back home. He does not want to leave the OW until he sees if it can work out. I feel as though I have had to divorce him again. He is happy and he has left me with a guilt trip for not putting the family back together. God be with you Always.<P>P.S. After reading His Need Her Needs, do you feel as though divorce is never the answer even though you have tried and tried and tried? After how many affairs and tries is it okay to call it quits><BR>