I’ve been reading posts from Marriage Builders for almost 2 years. Despite all of my efforts to work on our marriage, my husband has filed for a divorce a little over a year ago. <P>I noticed that he is not the man that I married. From a caring and honorable man, he turned into a selfish adulterer. I am so disappointed in him. <P>We had a fairly good marriage, we had our fights from time to time, but then we always said ‘I’m sorry’ and all was okay later. But something changed in 1997. He started spending more and more time on the net, ‘working’ as he called it, and ‘talking to friends’. If I asked him to help me with something, he would say <BR>‘Not now’. I also started to notice that every time I came back home, he would have this ‘after sex’ look: shiny eyes, still breathing a little hard etc. So one day I got on his laptop while he went out to run some errands and I opened his email software. God, I have never seen such sluttish and weird things before. He had an Internet affair with a 25 [!!!] year old girl somewhere from Europe. He was then 45! So this was my honorable man?<BR>When I confronted him with the emails, he got very upset that I was snooping on him [as if I hadn’t used his laptop before] and he immediately put passwords on everything. <BR>And he was spending more and more time on the net, talking to this girl and driving me insane. I was crying, sobbing and begging him to go to marriage counseling with me and he finally agreed. It was a nightmare. He was throwing such things in my face at the counselor’s office, that I was ready to run. He was accusing me of affairs, of taking part in swinger’s sessions; I don’t remember all of the things he said. And he was feeling very safe there. When I asked him about the Internet, he said that ‘this is just friendship and work, nothing else’, and he gave the counselor a very long ‘she’s making it all up’ look. <BR>We did the counseling for almost a year, with him canceling sessions and lying through his teeth. <P>Since the filing, he has moved out and now I don’t even know where he is. He’s stopped sending me support, which makes my situation really hard. I am working right now, but the mortgage on the house and all the bills is simply too much. My therapist says that I should take a break and then find a non-stressful job, but I cannot do that. My husband’s attorney is a real a$$, dragging my husband into giving him more and more money, so he can destroy me completely. Sometimes I really feel as if this man was after me. He is the worst example of a greedy, aggressive lawyer. <BR>I have been accused of so many things, that I don’t remember what I have done and what not any more. <P>I hope to find some peace and support here. I don’t feel like going through it alone any more. <P>God Bless, <P>Marion<BR>

(((((hugs)))))<P>Not much else I can offer you. I'm going through the custody-battle-from-hell right now myself. I can't understand how a man who once professed so much love can turn around and cause so much pain.<P>Best of luck to you in your situation.

Ann,<P>First, you will always have my support and caring! And especially my prayers. I am so saddened by your post, mostly because my profession is centered around the Internet. I hate to see so much evil come from what can be a very useful tool. Unfortunately, the ease of use and the anynimity of the net make things like this common place. Men and women are so quick to justify their actions and rationalize that what they are doing does not constitute an affair. Sorry, but it most certainly does.<P>E-Mail also played a minor role in the final days of my marriage. After my wife moved out, I found messages written to "friends" about our private issues. Here she was opening up to men about our problems and issues. I eventually confronted her with what I found, but just as with your husband, she rationalized it away.<P>But we can't blame email or the Internet. It is only a tool. Somewhere along the lines something happened to your husband and to my wife. We probably had something to do with that (I know I definitely have some share of the blame).<P>I don't know what direction your situation will take - only God knows that. I don't have any magic answers for you - only what has worked for me and that is to relocate and strengthen the faith I have in God. I went to Him last year the day my wife left, and I have looked to grow and learn each day since then. Some may say that religion is just a psychological crutch to help you through bad times, but I will tell you what, there are just certain things that have happened over this past year that are just to coincidental to have "just happened". I can look back and clearly see the things He has done for me and continues to do for me everyday.<P>While He can't (or more correcly won't) change our spouses' minds, He will provide for us as long as we make the "choice" to walk in His light.<P>I'm so sorry that you are here, but I am also glad that you are here <P>Post whenever you feel you need to or want to - don't ever be afraid to ask questions or to post a contrary opinion - it is often through disagreements that we learn the most.<P>God Bless,<BR>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.<p>[This message has been edited by SoTired2000 (edited March 19, 2001).]