dlara, i tried the dhea because i heard all the reports about had it improved workouts. i didn't need it to improve my sex drive.<br>landis, your frustration is very clear. it's easy to see why you long to be with your old lover. i know this has been worn out but in your case a sex therapist sure sounds like the answer.

Frankie,<p>Do you mean a sex therapist for me or my husband or both?

landis, i doubt it matters which of you makes the first move to work with a therapist. i suspect both of you will eventually be visiting the therapist because the situation involves the two of you. since you expressed the concern here, you will probably be the one to take the initiative. i too plan to seek help from a sex therapist to help me and my w have a better sexual relationship. please let me know how it works out and i'll do the same.

To the Woman who have the "SEX DRIVE". <p> My original post is called<br>"Not interested In Sex". And I want<br>to know, from the women who do not<br>have this problem, to share with us who<br>have little or no interest. Any suggestions? <p> Although I have<br>had several responses from my post,<br>I would like to hear from someone<br>from this category.

Are there really woman out there that have a higher sex drive then men? lol. I'v tried to explane this to my wife but she doesnt blieve it. We've been together for fifteen years and married for twelve. Her sex drive declined one month after our marriage and has never returned. It was also complicated by a very sever industrial accident I had that left me in and out of the hospital for a year. We were married just over a month when this happened. The first year I contribuited it to the accident but later on I relized this was going to be an up hill battle. I became so depressed with my injuries my wife got me into a counselor. After a while my counselor wanted to see my wife and the history of her molestation by her father came out. Since then we have seen several other counselors about our sexual problems but to no avail. Its been like once they discover her background they tiptoe around sexual issues. After years of theripy (pardon the spelling) we both felt they havent even scratched the surface. Im not sure what to do next. We have dropped the counseling because we felt we were being groomed for a long term client base. We have actually gotten further reading books on our own but the progress is very slow. I love my wife very much. We are soul mates in every aspect of our lives except sex. We rarly argue about anything else except sex. I think what hurts me the most about it is she doesnt even think its a problem. She feels its normal for men to have the higher sex drive. I feel its normal for both partys to need and desire each other. Whats really got me baffeled is the unwritten rules that you cant talk about but you are suppose to know. For instance its ok to have sex but its not ok to be aroused by sex. She prefers me to wake her up in the middle of the nite for sex. Normally this is ok. But this represents aproximately 75% of our love making which leaves her portion of interaction to a minimum. Im done by the time shes awake. Normal interaction sex is mostly confined to weekends although some times they just slip away unnoticed. When she does interact with me for sex quite often I feel that its because Ive gotton grumpy or its become obviouse I need some companionship. Normally this would be fine but when does she need me? She may respond to my needs but she never has a need for me to respond to. If any of you have a comment or a suggestion on how to deal with this I would very much appreacate it.

FFF,<P>If your wife was molested by her father for real and it wasnt just a planted thought by her therapist, then I think this is the reason for her problem with wanting sex. She will probably need more counceling and support group counceling, but by a reputable therapist. some therapist can cause more damage than undo. I think the fact that she realizes you have needs and makes herself available is great and proves she loves you. Ofcourse if you feel she never initiates because she does not desire you then I can see your dissappointment. Everyone or most everyone needs to feel desired and wanted sexually. Like most of the women on this thread my sex drive is slightly higher than my husbands. It really isnt a problem, but there are times when I am dissappointed when he doesnt initiate it and it's always me. I ask him once if I were to wear a wig and dress up like another person would it excite him more. He said he didnt want another woman...he wanted me. But I was just trying to see where his lack of enthusiasm was coming from. I finally attributed it to his age and stress at work. <BR>Yes there are those of us women who desire more sex than our H do. Watching sexy movies and I dont mean porn usually heightens my desire or even a sexy novel, and music. but most of the time my hormones dictate to me when I need animal sex~~~ <BR>It would be great if our endocrine systems were on the same clock....<BR>Your problem is more delicate due to your wifes history and abuse. This is a terrible thing for a child to endure from her father or anyone for that matter. I get so angry when I think of child molestation I could just scream. My prayers are with you and your wife and may you find your answers...dont give up.

Jonquil<BR> Thank you for your replay. Yes I really and truly belive my wife loves me and we have made some headway in the sex department. After the coming out of her molestation she was an active member of AM<BR>AC (adults molested as childern) for about five years. One of the problems with the theripists were they did very well with the issues conserning with the child abuse but did very little with sexual issues. We tried to locate some one who specializes in sexual problems but couldnt fine one within a hundred miles. Our progress is slow but we are making headway. One of my biggest problems is her denile of the problem. She's not effected by her lack of libedo so its not a problem to her. Looks like we have the same problem just different curcumstanses.

Wow!!! I have not checked in here for awile. Want to respond to a couple as many people here as time allows.landis, again I am responding to you because I totally understand how you feel. It is an intense need of mine to be sexual(a lot), and feel sexual. It is difficult if one partner is not on the same wavelength. Actually, it is beyond difficult! It is hellish, and frustrating, and there is a deep craving for what is missing in this arena. Especialy, if it is a priority...........At this point in time, I am not sure of what I am going to do...........but I do know that I cannot continue this way forever.......it is stiffling(sp?), in addition to not having any "health benefits". LOL.......I will be back with more in a sec

Back...I have a bit more time.....FFF, I also understand what you are going through, and I agree, with some of the other posters,<BR>you are in a difficult situation, because it does not have to do with you and your wife's love for one another, it has to do with a very deep traumatic experience that has scarred her. She absolutley needs to go to a therapist that is really in tune with the symptoms, scars, virtually every other facet of the monster that it is. Trust me, that has to be a priority for both of you to get her to someone "WHO CAN HELP," and who is familiar with dealing with this issue in every way. I am aware that is not an easy feat, I have been through this. It is a long story, as always, but the bottom line is that 4 years ago it was discovered that my 2 wonderful daughters were sexually abused by their paternal grandfather when they were VERY young until???? They repressed it until the youngest went away to college and all of the memories started to haunt her, and shock her. It appears that she and her older sister were victims of his sickness, as was my husband! One of the symptoms for them was blocking out many years of thier lives. My daughters, I discovered, blocked out the years that I had an illness...........and they used to stay at "those people's house"! My husband i discovered after this came out, blocked out his entire childhood! Since I am in the process of going through this horrendous reality, the only thing I can recommend is to find someone who is "the best" in this field. They all did, and are going and have been going,to different people, for a couple of years. Another reality is this process can take many many years! The damage that another human does to the soul and psyche of a child can can be so disruptive and destructive that the rippling effect goes on and on and on..........Please get her help! I just vented on here guys, sorry!!!! I am hoping we all find a bit more peace out here..........such is life............

I'm sorry, I have to say this, and it may offend people, but I do not believe in massive repression, as in blocking out all memories of childhood. I believe it may be possible to repress or suppress memories of one or two instances of abuse, but to block out repetitive abuses does not even make sense. The human body and mind is build to DEFEND itself. The most natural reaction to potential danger is to be on the ALERT for any signs of it happening again. A person would be going against their very survival instinct to continually be abused, block it out, be abused again, block it out, ad infintum, therefore going against that very survival mechanism that serves to protect them. I would think that after a couple of times of being abused, you'd be on hyper-alert-ANY sign that it might happen again, real or imagined, would have you obessing over trying to find a way to AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS!!! Please go out and buy these books: Diagnosis For Disaster: The Truth about False-Memory Syndrome ( I forget the rest of the name) and Victims of Memory. They are excellent resources for this phenomenon.

Tommywife, Ever heard of Cybil? Belive it, it's true. Your right about the mind having defence mechanisams. The split personality can be the result of a trumatic experience. Or a person may have trouble remembering a terrible accident. Almost everyone knows someone this happened to. My wife has gone thru hypnosis and has helped put together some of her childhood. The therapist did a good job with some of the puzzeling pieces of her past but he wasnt a sex theapist. We accomplished zippo in the sex department. Granted it was tough finding out things that happened to her and I relized this was going to take quite a bit of time. But after seven years of counseling and four counselors you would thing somone would know there is something wrong in the sex department. Dont take me wrong. I love my wife very much. I dont want to leave her or have an affair to satisfy my need for sex. I would just like to have a normal sex life.

Tommywife......You are entitled to your opinion..but Have you seen this for yourself? I have, and as FFF indicated, the defense mechanism going on is the repression, denial, suppresion, splitting off, you name it.......Anything goes if one is a very young soul and has no recourse but to survive within themselves. Therefore blocking, splitting, the whole bit, fits into what a human needsto do to deal with this horror. And I am truly sorry, but there is no such thing a false memory syndrome!!!! That was established by an older couple who were accused of sexual abuse by their daughter. They said their daughter was suffering from this..."false memory syndrome".......truth is.they made it up to represent themselves. In reality, their daughter is a PHD of MEMORY in a University in the west. She had to move away from her family that would perpetually lie about the facts. I have done extensive research on this topic for many years. The false memory people are for the most part, people who have something to hide.........

Yes, I have known of people to produce false memories of abuses that never even happened, I have known of people having memories of being in Vietnam but they weren't, etc. Everything I've ever studied about memory states that it is reconstructive, meaning we literally take bits and pieces of things that actually happened and throw in other details depending on our perspectives, experiences, moods of the present moment. Get a Psychology book on memory, or any good University Psychology textbook and read it yourself. There is absolutely no proof that massive repression exists. And yes, in the hands of a zealous therapist, or even in the right state of mind with self help books, ANYONE can create false memories. I know plenty of women who endured years of sexual and physical abuse who NEVER forgot. Their problem is that they CAN'T forget!!

tommywife.......You are entitled to your opinion, however, I have read many psychology books, since that is the field I am in, and repression is in psych 1! Of course repression can exist in the human mind! how do you think a young child is to deal with the advances of a sick adult? They use repression and other defense mechanisms to survive this all to common horror! I think that you may be getting a lot of input from people who are entrenched in the false memory syndrome BS. I am sure that there are some cases of people who think something happened to them but it ended up something else. I must tell you that if you experienced what I have with people that had to repress a trauma, you would never make any of these statements!

I would just like to add some own coments on the subject..husbands with low sex drives..<BR>I have to say that it is sure a difficult issue for me. Almost 10 years of marriage, my husband is 10 years older than me,I'm 36 and he's 46. Everything had been great from the beginning with our intimacy in the bedroom, but I have noticed a gradual decline over the years with his drive.It really is depressing for me. I have strong christian values for my marriage,and looking outside my marriage is not an option.I feel like we are in a downward spiral that is just going to get worse.I wouldnt say that I have a strong sex drive, but I do enjoy it alot. I would be happy with twice a week, or even once a week.I think we average about 3 times a month. Women who have husbands with that strong sex drive ..should love every minute of it without complaining that their husbands want to much sex.My husband has been aware of my frustration and he really wants to keep our love life together he says, so he wants to get the so called miracle drug Via....I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Maybe things will get better on there own without any drug, and maybe thats what it will take. I was very surprised to see such a big respond on this subjects..hopefully this issue will get better for all of us in time....violet1

I respectfully request that you begin a new topic for this subject. With so many responses, it takes an awfully long time to load and it might serve you better to begin again.<P>Thank you,<BR>Alice<BR>Moderator