I'm just venturing into the realm of divorce...I know I have got to come to some agreement with my stbx about visitation with the kids.<P>I was lucky that NJ doesn't have legal separation laws, so when he moved out, I was able to pretty much control what visitation he got with the kids. One of my concerns (among many) at the time was that he was insistent about being allowed to take the kids to meet his OW.<P>He threatened to take me to court (but couldn't) and finally gave in and agreed that he was wrong to have insisted that. Afterwards he pretty much agreed to either seeing the children supervised at his parent's home, or to staying with us as a family on weekends.<P>Now that the divorce complaint has been filed, he CAN legally demand his rights to visitation. We aren't fighting yet...and I'd like to try and keep this as nonconfrontational as possible...BUT...I'd like to write into any agreement that we make that he does NOT ever have the kids overnight with another woman. <P>I'm worried that he will parade a string of women through their lives. I know I don't have a great deal of power here, (God I hate him sometimes for doing this to us) but I'd like to know what solutions or approaches you all took regarding this. If he marries someone else, fine, I can't complain really can I....but in the meantime, I don't want them staying with him if he's living with someone, or has someone staying the night with him.....<P>Help - any ideas?

My STBXW and I wrote our own visitation agreement, we agreed to 50/50 joint physical custody, that specifically addressed that issue. Of course, we were getting along when we did that. I'm sure that it could be challenged but in our state if you take an agreement into court the judge will usually believe that the parents have made a decision in the best interest of the children and allow your agreement to become part of the decree. Sounds like there are a lot of differences between your case and mine but the one thing everyone would agree on is that during this tough time someone has to be looking out for the children.<P>God Bless<P>Love, Bill

My XH and I agreed to 50/50 visitation even though he and I both knew that I would have my child more than 50% of the time. I specifically stated in the decree that no one of the opposite sex can be under the same roof as my child after 10:30 pm unless the opposite sex is married to the parent. We were not on good terms as the time but both agreed that it was in the best interest of our child.<P>I divorced my XH because of OW. (After 7 OW I decided to call it quits.) However, anytime I was dealing with an issue that dealt with our child, I put my feelings aside and thought only about what was in the best interest of my child. I had to bit my tongue but it was worth it in the end. My XH also saw that my concerns were not out of jealousy but concerns about my child's well-being. Therefore, he agreed to my requests that dealt with my child.

Hi Bill, Hi Smacks thanks for your replies.<P>Yes, mine situation is a bit different. There's no way I will agree to 50/50 visitation, and right now I'm trying to decide if I should pursue the "supervised visitation only" route with my stbx. (he's got an ugly temper, is an alcoholic, and his string of gfs is only the latest manifestation of his problems)<P>I want to move out of state, I need help to raise my kids and to provide a stable home environment. I won't be around to 'police' him if he decides to do a number of things with our kids.<P>I don't want to fight him, and I don't want to cut him off from our children. They love him. But I also know that he and I won't see eye-to-eye on what is best for our kids.<P>I'm glad to know that I can get possibly get an agreement btwn me and stbx included in the decree.

BrambleRose<P>Sorry to hear about all of the s**t your STBX has put you through. If my XH had some of the problems that you are faced with from you STBX, I would not have agreed on 50/50 visitation. Whatever you decide to do, get the visitation agreements, along with child support payments, life insurance policies, retirement plans, automobile agreements, etc. stated in the divorce decree. That way you will have legal documentation and your STBX can not a thing about it. Good Luck..God be with you!

Actually, I think the 50/50 visitation would be great..<BR>he would actually have to learn to be responsible as a<BR>parent during his time with the kids..something I'm afraid<BR>most men I know aren't...including my stbx..<P>and with that..you'd have time to yourself..and could actually learn to enjoy having some free time to yourself..<BR>and being able to come and go as you please without having<BR>to worry..<P>I know that I enjoy the time I have w/ out my kids..sure<BR>I miss them...but I enjoy the time alone..but then I was a single mom long before we separated..<P>