Well, she is definitely leaving. We talked about a couple of places that she found to live (in another town, close to the OM) and I informed her that my brother was going to move in and help me out. This made her very angry. I gave her some money towards her part of the equity in the house, and today she went and put a deposit down on an apartment. She then came home and packed up as much stuff as she could pack, and went to deliver it to her new home. She will be out by this weekend.<P>I can't say that I am all that sorry to see her get her things and leave. I love her very much, but I don't want her here anymore. She wants the OM, so I hope that they will be happy together. I really didn't want my marriage to end, but I know that it is time for me to move forward. There is bound to be some emotional times once all her stuff is gone, but all in all, I think I am ready for her to go.<P>Griz<P>------------------<BR>Sometimes the hardest journeys in life are not the ones you embark on alone, but those that you choose to travel together.

What you said at the very end really hit me, thank you for saying that.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Griz:<BR><B>Well, she is definitely leaving. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Griz! Sorry to hear this, but if you're anything like me at this point, I think you might welcome the change in the situation. It sounds like things were too tense before; this will give you both some space.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I gave her some money towards her part of the equity in the house, and today she went and put a deposit down on an apartment</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Not to be too inquisitive here, but how are you guys handling all the money transfers? Or are we talking fairly small amounts? Also, what about the kids? Are they staying with you, are you sharing them, etc? As you can see, I'm trying to get a feel for how well you are protecting your interests in this separation, especially since she is pushing for divorce (right?).<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I can't say that I am all that sorry to see her get her things and leave. I love her very much, but I don't want her here anymore. She wants the OM, so I hope that they will be happy together. I really didn't want my marriage to end, but I know that it is time for me to move forward. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, in my opinion, you are just now entering the "interesting" phase of this fiasco, so don't give up and move on too quickly. Now is when she will start seeing the OM's other side and dirty laundry (no one is perfect, not even an OP), and if youplay your cards right, she will see what she gave up. So I'd say stop worrying about her and think about yourself and the kids, but also keep an eye on her la-la land developments...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR> There is bound to be some emotional times once all her stuff is gone, but all in all, I think I am ready for her to go.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> There will definitely be emotional times... I was waaaaay ready for my W to leave, and I am greatly relieved that she is out. But, I now walk around the house and am constantly reminded of the life we had here, the dreams we shared, etc, and it is not as easy as I expected. Please be prepared to be miserable at times, no matter how prepared you think you are...<P>Hang in there, Griz!<P>AGG<BR><p>[This message has been edited by AGoodGuy (edited March 20, 2001).]

AGG,<P>Yeah. As I was helping her load up her stuff into the van, it amazed me how calm I felt about it. It was almost peaceful. When she has been in this house the last 5 weeks, the tension is so thick that you can barely see. But all that was gone as I helped her load up. It definitely was a welcome feeling.<P>Well as far as things go money wise, there really isn't much. We have a little bit of equity in the house, but can't afford to sell it right now (bad market where we are located). So I decided to hang on to it right now, and see what developes in the future. If things change between us in the future, it will only set us back a little.<P>As far as the kids go, we are going to mediation Thursday to work out custody arragements for the youngest. I see no reason that I can't get joint custody of her right now. She is only 2 y.o. I truly believe that my STBXW is a good mother, and there is no reason to try and take the kids away. <P>The oldest is mine from a previous marriage, and she kinda gets to make the decision on whether or not she wants to see my STBXW when she moves out. I have been gently hinting that this would be a good thing. Her bio mom isn't the greatest mom in the world, and currently I have custody of her. She has considered my STBXW her <I>mother</I> for the last few years, and I would hate to see that end.<P>Our middle child is the one that I am going to have the hardest part on. My STBXW was pregnant when I met her. She decided to keep our son, so I have been his father since the time that he was born. Unfortunately, I am only a step parent, and therefore do not have many rights to him. She has used this against me several times, but I still pray that she will look out for his best interest, and allow me to have some visitation. As a matter of fact, she was in a very pleasant mood this evening, and I asked what she was going to leave over here for him. She gave me a list of things that she wanted to take, and what she thought he might need when he comes to see me. This is a good thing. <P>And yes, she is very much pushing for Divorce. She has already told me that once the mediation is done that she will be filing. That means that this could all be done within in the next 30 days. <P>As far as giving up, I can't say that I totaly have. I am still very much willing to discuss with her the possibility of reconciling. But at this point in the game, that is not an option. Therefore, I must explore the options that I do have. I am working on improving my life, as well as trying to give my children some sense of stability through all of this. I am starting to creep forward, and if I ever get to that bridge, I will decide then if I am going to cross.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Well, in my opinion, you are just now entering the "interesting" phase of this fiasco</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't know if I like the sound of that! <P>Thanks for the input. You really have helped a great deal in this whole <B>fiasco</B>.<P>Griz<P>------------------<BR>Sometimes the hardest journeys in life are not the ones you embark on alone, but those that you choose to travel together.

I definitely didn't expect for my emotions to be this conflicting. I am having a more difficult time today, then I thought I would. My house is so empty, but still so full of memories. There seems to be a ghost in every corner, and no matter what I do, those ghost float right on out. A kind of reminder to what I am losing. <P>Part of me is relieved that she is leaving. I feal rather peaceful with the fact that she will soon be gone. The other part of me is in utter turmoil. I am watching my STBXW leave this marriage. I know that once she gets out into the world, there is that chance that the fog will lift, and she will see the OM for what he truly is, as well as realize what she left behind. But this does not seem to comfort me. I just want to be happy again. <P>Griz<P>------------------<BR>Sometimes the hardest journeys in life are not the ones you embark on alone, but those that you choose to travel together.