Hi again - <P>Not sure how to act. After putting my son down for a nap, I thought I would try to nap myself. A few minutes later it was H on the phone. I decided to let the answering machine get it. He said he was calling to check in and when I felt up to it to give him a call. Should I call, or let him wonder what and how we are doing. This stinks. You know all about it if you read my thread from last night. <P><P>------------------<BR>H

Well dhj,<BR>Sounds like this is your first test of Plan B strength. My first reaction is to not speak w/him. However, since his leaving was rather spur of the moment, I'm sure there are some child-visitation and financial issues that will have to be addressed. So, perhaps if early on, you can limit discussions to those things that MUST be handled as opposed to marital issues, you can weather your Plan B.

Hi dhj,<P>Read your other post... I feel really bad for you. I thought your hubby was gonna come around.<P>Anyway, if you are truly going to initiate Plan B, then do not call him. It'll be easier on you. You know he's just gonna say stuff that will confuse you more anyway. You're already confused just by the phone call. Don't let him get to you. Let it get to HIM for once. <P>--andy

dhj,<P>I wouldn't call. Let him wonder. Make him think about life without you, without actually commiting to Plan B. Show him that you are NOT completely dependant upon him, and even though he chose to move out, your life still goes on.<P>Keeping you in my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>Shoni<P><BR>

Andy-<P>I thought he was going to come around too! As he was leaving last night I thought this is a guy who is going to regret this one day. I just hope it is not too late when he does. <P>To be honest with you guys - I really have no desire to call right now. I feel too strong to be pulled down by his confusion. He does need to know what life will be like without me. He has a Hollywood view of marrige and divorce. He thinks we will remain friend and that he will see his son all the time. Reality needs to smack him in the face and soon. <P>Thanks guys!<P>------------------<BR>H

dhj-<BR>I agree with the others. My h left 7 weeks ago, and has made no attempts at reconciliation. He calls almost everyday, claims he wants to 'talk' to our daughter, who is 2. Anyway, I've started Plan B. Only be doing to for a couple of days. The first few days were hard, but when I remember how our conversations go anyway (usually very nasty) i think, why do I want to talk to him anyway?<BR>I read you other post, and I know just how you feel. It is the most cruel, irresponsible, selfish act another human being can do. To leave their spouse and family, to be with another person, without any regard to what the spouse is going through. It all makes me sick.<BR>My h is now telling me that he can't come back home because of my unstable emotional state. He says that my anger has driven him away, and still feels fully justified by having an affair.<BR>I really wouldn't call him back. If he wants to know how you are, you can talk breifly when he makes arrangement to see you son. I would also recommend, as soon as your ready, to work out a schedule for visitations. That has been the hardest thing for me, because I want my h ti be part of our daughters life. It is time to get serious, now.<BR>Good luck to you. I know you are confused and very scared and lonely. Lean on God. He is the only thing that has gotten me this far, and it isn't over yet.<P>I'll be thinking of you,<BR>Cheryl

dhj,<P>Sounds like you are strong right now and I agree with others. Don't call. He will soon learn he cannot have his cake and eat it too. I pray for your continued strength. There is one song by Rod Stewart I listened to at my most down times and it really helped bring me up. It was from some movie and I cannot remember the title. It was a song about having the strength and faith of the sould to do anything. There are other versions out there but I like the way Rod Stewart did it.<P>Keep your head up. It sounds like you are on the right track!!

a lot of times i won't answer the phone when H calls. It makes him wonder, and i think it worked ok when OW was working with him (when they stopped working together, he would call her more, if i did not answer).<BR>keep it brief and child oriented. he DOES have a right to know if his son is ok.<BR>I am still really mad for you, i can't believe he is doing this to his family!<BR>arrrggghhh.

I disagree with the other responses becuase the second time my husband moved out I was very distant and did not return calls. I waited for him to call back again. He didn't like it and distanced himself further from me. He got angry. Being angry did not get us any closer to our goal of reconciling. <P>During this separation, I will return his phone calls but I will not question him as to what he is doing. I will keep him up to date on the kids and if he wants to know what I've been doing I'll wait for him to ask. I'm sticking with plan A.