It has been a while since my last post. My husband and I are divorced but i let him move back home and everything was fine until about a week or 2 ago. While we were separated he had started seeing a woman who was 46 years old and going through a divorce. I told him that when he came back home that i did not want him talking to her or seeing her. Well I found out that he was talking to her. He works midnights and she was calling him at work and he was calling her. Well I found out last night that he saw her about a week ago and he gave her $1,000.00 because she quit her job and he did not want her and kids to have to go with out something that they needed. This is money that we were saving for him to go to school full time. I dont know what to think or what to do about all of this. He says that he does not want to hurt me, but he also knows that he is. need some advice please on what i should do or say to him and/or to her.<p>Angel

Dump him.It is obvious he is going to keep seeing her no matter what he says. He is a cheating jerk. Tell him to get out, change the locks and don't give him any more money.Do what you have to at the bank. You already gave him a second chance, but he is playing you for a fool. Tell him to go move in with his mistress and her kids if they need him so bad.Toss his stuff out on the lawn.

I agree with diana,<p>Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He cant have it both ways and I am suprised he told you about the money or her. He really wants to hurt you or what? How devestating this would be. He doesnt deserve you. There are many men who could be true...keep looking and praying.<p>[This message has been edited by hopeful2 (edited 02-04-99).]

Angel,<p>I'll have to step in as the voice of reason.<p>Your husband is still very much in the addiction of the affair. He hasn't been able to successfully break it off. I suggest that you reiterate your desire to work on the marriage, with a very specific set of conditions:<p>1. He must break it off. Do it together, write the "kiss off OW" letter that Harley recommends.<p>2. He must be extremely accountable for his time and actions. "In house arrest" in essence. You must be assured that he's not seeing her.<p>3. If he agrees, you should take a 2-week vacation together, to help with the withdrawal that your husband is going to go through. Harley also recommends this.<p>4. Counseling when you get back.<p>My guess is that he will not agree to these rules. I would caution you to try not to make them sound like "selfish demands", but there's not a lot of negotiation room for this. He's screwed up his chance at this point, so for you to continue, he's going to have to make an extraordinary effort.<p>If he doesn't agree, you should tell him to leave. Give him the Plan B letter expressing a desire to reconcile once he gets his act together and can recommit to the marriage; read and re-read it for any lovebusters. And then go into the "no-contact" separation.<p>Unlike Diana and hopeful2, I don't think your husband is intentionally trying to hurt you. I think he's so "mentally incapacitated" by the affair that he doesn't have a clue to which end is up. Don't be vicious or punishing in making him leave: do protect yourself and your possessions, but don't use this as an opportunity to punish your husband.<p>Frankly, he needs help. And I bet it'll get worse for him before it gets better. Good luck.

Plan A or plan b...still addicted or not. A thousand dollars sounds like a pretty good commitment to me. But k is right try it all and then when he still keeps thinking of her. Close the door and get on with your life.

He's using you. As difficult as it may seem get rid of him. You didn't mention anything about kids so that may affect my advice but if you're already divorced, no dependent kids, and sexually active with him, even just once you are taking a huge risk(herpes, warts, other std's).<br>I wouldn't buy his line of crap, whatever, it is, for one second. Set his belonging on the porch or front lawn so he'll be embarassed and won't want to come back.