Hi friends,<P>Its been a long time since I posted. I can't even remember when the last time it was. <P>My question is for those who might be in the same situation as me. For those who don't know my whole story, briefly, I was with ex 11 years. He left xmas day of '99. Served D papers Valentine's Day of '00. Forced my kids to stay on overnight visits at OW house almost immediately. I plan A'd for a short while, but got too depressed, and gave up. I did date soon after this all started, (too soon, in hindsight). Now I am in a relationship that I would call serious.<P>We have been together 7 months. It has been so far very wonderful. He was the exact type of person I hoped to be with one day. He has shown me respect, care, concern, affection, attention, and eventually we grew to love each other. We have never fought, not out of avoidance, but we just seem to get along really well.<P>Recently, things seem more complicated, as kids meet each other, even talked of living together once, but thats on hold for at least quite a while.<P>I am sensing that maybe he wants to slow down or take a step back from where we are now. The reason is that after 7 months, he has always called me everyday, and even more than once, or we've seen each other.<P>I knew this would be a busy week ahead of time, but I haven't heard from him in a few days, and he hasn't returned my page. <P>Sure I could jump to conclusions, because maybe the page didn't go thru, we have a lot of storms here. But its still so unlike him. <P>When I last talked to him, on Sunday night, he told me we had some issues. I dragged it out that his son is "not sure" if he likes me or not. <P>Whenever we have gone out with his boys , he wants to ride in my car, holds my hand in a huge crowd if his dad is up ahead, asks me to come back with them to his dad's house, made me something at school. He has always shown me respect and been nice. <P>I can't help but wonder if exW is somehow saying something because everything was going good. As far as I know, she has a bf, that has not met the kids yet.<P>However, this hurt BF that his son felt that way, and he has been quiet ever since.<P>I know his son has that fantasy that his parents will get back together. I know my daughter's do to. I'm not a child of divorce, my parents are married over 30 years, grandparents over 60. I don't know what this feels like to a child.<P>I am honestly going to say, I am very scared to lose him over this, even though, he's a great dad, and I think feels some guilt over the pain his son has been in since the family on that end split up.<P>Lastly, I did not meet BF before split up of family. They were well over by over a year . I was not involved in any of the problems, it was a fact of his exW cheating on him. I was very scared to get involved in this relationship for fear of being hurt, and I tried to keep things in perspective. <P>Is there anyone else on the board dating anyone who has kids? Have you run into anything similar? How would you feel if you talked to someone for 7 months every day, then silence for a few days? I am no expert on men, but I know some need their space when dealing with something.<P>Sorry this is so long, but I haven't posted in a while, so I needed to update. Obviously this is something that is upsetting me very much and I feel like I'm on the way to being hurt again.<P>Hugs, Dana<P>PS My exH proposed to OW last month, and I reacted negatively about it. I'm sure my reaction to it could have something to have added to bf's bad feelings.<P>

Hi Dana,<P>I've been seeing someone for about 4 months now and she has two kids. I met them on our 2-3rd date because she was working New Year's Eve. They knew I had been calling her, but didn't understand who/what I was. They are 12 and 9, a year each younger than mine.<P>She has met my kids twice. Both times when she has come to visit me, we live 70 mile apart, and my kids haven't left for their mothers for one reason or another.<P>We only dated when the kids were with the other parent although I have had supper with them 2-3 times during the week when my kids were at their mothers. They only go to theor fathers every other weekend, and not during the week.<P>The boys have been rather cool to me. The youngest is warming up to me somewhat though.<P>My son seems to like her and will talk to her. My d has been polite, not sure if its just because she is 13 or something else. D did ask me if I didn't like one of her friends mother that she and her friend had been trying to fix me up with, and why was I dating someone 70 miles away.<P>Her x is getting married soon and her boys are excited. They oldest told his aunt that he didn't think his mother should be dating when she asked him what he thought of me.<P>She waited one year after her divorce before dating. This is the third woman I've dated.<P>We are no where near where you are in terms of commitment, although she did ask if I would be exclusive with her, which I was doing already.<P>I've tried to avoid calling everyday because of the very reason you are stating, it is then expected. If the call isn't made then you wonder what is wrong and it usually takes a great deal of energy to explain when nothing is.<P>To me it does sound like something is going on. I think most guys usually go about things the same way(that is until we marry and then we forget about romance )<P>I guess it is time for the big talk to see what is going on. Sorry!<P>Bob

That is exactly what I'm talking about why are people so immature that they want to act like later on when reality comes into play that they didn't know it was going to come into play he obviously had to know as a grown adult with children that things do come up when you get involved with other people. <P>I done with this dating crap, I've got to find some other way to feel my voids because this relationship crap, is too much for the birds.

Bob,<P>Your theory is true. If he didn't call every day, 2 and 3 times a day then I wouldn't expect it. After 7 months, its more of a habit, than expecting. At this point, we always end each call with I love you and at least just tell each other what we're planning on doing for the day/evening.<P>Almost like being in recovery, 2 people in relationships that have been cheated on, like that stability I guess. <P>Anyhow, I agree, something is up. I can speculate to about 8 different things, although in the end, until I hear from him, I'll drive myself nuts over it.<P>I didn't call at all yesterday (give him his space). Paged him this morning, no call back. I'm not calling again til Saturday at this point since I know he and his brother are going out of town with a bunch of guys from work.<P>I didn't realize you were dating. I will admit, that with how upset I am this week, if we make it thru this, it needs to slow down. I am willing to work on it, he's a great guy. I just don't know if this is how he deals with stuff (silent treatment), it hurts.<P>Dana<BR>

Hi Dana and Bob,<P>First, to <B>Bob</B> -- man, I owe you an apology. I accidently got your ex-W's name mixed up with Tim's, on some of your posts... I always try to use given names when we provide them, it makes it seem more real... and somehow I just got you all befuddled with Tim... jeez, I'm sorry about that. I **am** listening, and **do** care.<P>it's little things like this that make me feel like I am being careless and hurtful. Not intentional, at all.<P>Hi <B>Dana</B>,<P>I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. I never thought I'd have to go through all this kind of poop... and the whole "step-parenting-type" issue is very, very difficult, especially if you are struggling yourself. I understand. <P>In my case, I see his children every other week, and he hasn't yet met mine. I miss mine... they live in CA with their father. <P>His are wonderful kids, and they seem to like me. They treat me with respect and we laugh together. It's nice... but, I am not, nor will I ever try to be, their mother. They've got a good one of those. I have to watch myself because with missing my kids I tend to overcompensate with his. Like I almost hug them, and instead have to hold myself back until (and if) they are ready to hug me. <P>Just wanted to drop by...<P>By the way Dana, so you understand my situation, which is different from yours, here's a thread I did a couple of weeks ago when I returned. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002352.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002352.html</A> <P>I know my situation is not the "best" by any stretch of the imagination, but also I am not hiding the truth of it.<BR>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited March 22, 2001).]

Sheryl,<BR>No problem. I figured thats waht happened. Belive me I've been calling her a lot worse than Val.<P>Dana,<P>I dated some one last fall for about 3 months and things were going real well. Then I had some x problems. X dropped kids off right after I told her I was going out of town so gf and I cut some things short. Then I was supposed to go somewhere with gf and d called saying she wanted to come home. I checked what was going on and d ended up staying and I did make the engagement with gf.<P>A couple days later the kids went to their mother so I asked gf out for lite dinner and she said yes and that we could discuss our relationship. I figured it was were are we going type discussion. <P>Imagine my suprise when she said we should cool it as she didn't want to get into a long term relationship with someone whom she felt there was no chance with. She based it upon our differences in child rearing. She said she didn't want to be #2 in the relationship behind my kids and didn't want her kids being #3. <P>She said we could still date occasionally, but I told her a few days later that I wasn't interested in that. I don't know how we could go back in the relationship and I really don't want to casual date.<P>I have to tell you that all the affair hurts came back. Feelings of loneliness and that nobody would want me, etc.<BR>It lasted a few days and then I was over it. I think that was the healing I had done after the divorce. The pain didn't last.<P>About 2 months later, with no dating in between, I met the woman I am currently dating.<P>There will be pain at the ending of a relationship. The question is how long will it last and how will we let it affect us. I guess that is where the healing after the divorce comes in.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

Dana:<P>I'm glad that you posted. <P>I do think it is terrible that your bf hasn't called you. Especially, if you have been talking so much. As you know, I was on the opposite side of the coin with my first relationship. I stated dating him right after my divorce and we dated for 6 months and then I started having doubts about our relationship. He also had some anger issues which were totally understandable but scary nonetheless. I didn't leave him because of those and I probably wouldn't have ebded the relationship if unresolved issues in my past hadn't surfaced. But, in any event, I told him exactly what was going on and we talked numerous times before we finally stopped seeing each other. We still talk (only by email) to this day. Your bf owes you a call. I hope you hear from him soon so you can at least know what is going on.<P>As to the kids, my kids didn't meet my 1st bf until we had dated for 4 months. They liked him but they only met him 2-3 times. It was so soon after the divorce, I didn't think it was a good idea for them to meet him any more than that. In my 2nd relationship, the kids met him a few times and really liked him. He is great with kids and has a 9 yr old girl that lives in a different state. <P>Kids will always want their parents back together and I think many will do anything to sabotage a new relationship if they still believe there is a possibility of their parents getting back together. Is there any chance that bf and xw might be thinking about getting back together and the kids have picked up on that? I know he has been divorced for awhile but that could be a possibility. I don't understand why the child is suddenly changing his opinion of you. Could bf be using his child as an excuse? I know that his behavior is completely out of the ordinary from what you have described of him in the past. I'm just trying to come up with some reasons to make sense of it all.<P>My sister is married to a man that won't talk to her for days when he is upset about something. Maybe he does just need some time away to figure things out but he should at least tell you that. <P>I hope you hear from him very soon. I know this is killing you. I hate to see you hurting so much.<P>Hang in There!!<P>Jen<BR>

Dana,<P>Hey there.....I think we are playing cyber tag! lol <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I just don't know if this is how he deals with stuff (silent treatment), it hurts.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Oh,how I understand that one.Yes,it does hurt.<BR>[X is the best at that.]<BR>Unfortunatly I learned from him to shut my mouth and stop trying to communicate w/him.<P>The one thing that I learned the most from my experience is that Communication is a MUST.<P>I am now trying very hard to keep the lines of communication open and to share my feelings.<P>At times it has been extremely difficult,but I know that I have to.<P>Really the only thing that I can say for you is either take some time and write him an E explaining your feelings and why you are hurt.Or you can call him and talk, or even have him come over.<P>I use to keep my feelings in,wouldn't share them,was I guess just too afraid of what would happen if I were to "open" my self up sooo much.Now I have switched thinking..um,um...a "mind set" you could say.I now believe that I have everything to loose if I don't.Much more to gain if I do share what it is that I am feeling.<P>Did that make sense?....<P>I know all too well how hard it is.<P>Just bite the bullet and go for it.<P>What he does w/the info you give him is then up to him.<BR>If he can't or even try to understand from where your coming from and doesn't want to talk about it to help come up w/a solution then I am sorry but he isn't worth your time.<P>Just my 2 cents.<P>Love ya<P>Gina <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Hi Dana,<P>I'm not in your situation, I'm not even dating, but I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.<P>I think he does *owe* (for want of a better word) you a phone call. Even if he has some issues going on, you're both separated/divorced, both have children, both have new partners (each other) as do the ex's and both should well understand all the dynamics that occur because of this.<P>It's so hard to make someone talk to you if they don't want to. I know that from painful experience.!! I would suggest you give him some space, and some time, but then go to him. Find out what the problem is. You deserve that much.<BR>If you give him the space and the time to sort out whatever it is, he could see that as a loving gesture. He could see you as being understanding and supportive.<P>But bear in mind, a few ground rules should be set in place. Everytime he has an issue is not an excuse to just leave you hanging until he sorts it out. He should be at least communicating with you, if not sharing it with you. You are not a doormat, and neither should you be.<P>Just my thoughts on your situation. I'm sorry I jumped in when I don't really have the experience. But I'm thinking of you, and hoping it works out the way you want it to.<P>hugs<P>Jo

DanaB,<P>It sounds like we are going through the exact same thing, if you would like to send me an e-mail I could really use someone to talk to,<P>tami101964@yahoo.com

Hey Gang,<P>I didn't know Val was up for auction on Ebay. Bob, you are more than welcome to her. 5'2" great blue eyes, dyed blonde hair, fab outgoing personality, just has a problem with fidelity.<P>I made out on this deal.

Hi friends,<P>First thank you to everyone who replied, whether your familiar with this situation or not. I remember how much comfort I used to find here in the middle of a crisis , just a year ago with my own marriage.<P>Here's an update for all those so kind to reply to me. I had a class last night. What a nightmare. Daydreamed thru the whole thing and I don't even know what was said in it. I had my friend kick my chair everytime and instructor came along. Lucky she was there, I'd probably have gotten removed.<P>So I get home, and am talking to my ex MIL who watchted the kids for me, about relationships. She was married once before marrying my kids grandpa. She is the step mom to my ex, not the real mom (witch) that I used to deal with.<P>Anyhow, she told me how hard it was over the years to raise step kids and her own. How there is always some favoritism and annymosity (sp?). At that point, I was ready to go to bed.<P>BF called. I sounded positive and upbeat, which is good, I've sounded like a wreck the other day. We talk casually and actually laugh for a few minutes. Now its 10:30 and he asks to come over and talk.<P>The whole next half hour, I gear myself up for a break up. I think about all the happy times and how did things turn around in a week, after 7 months.<P>When he gets here, its so good to see him, yet awkward. We start talking. He has issues. A few of them.<P>The first thing is that his ex works night shift 3 days a week part time. If bf is off, he takes the kids 2 of 4 days. His kids are getting bounced around from the exW, her mom and bf. They are getting very tired of all this passing off, I don't blame them. He wants exW to get a day job and then the school ager would barely be affected, and eventually the 3 year old will adjust too. Then they'd only be at one house besides their own. I can agree this is the source of confusion.<P>All that was said from his son is "I'm not sure if I like her dad". I was so hurt and took this personal at first, but the more I think about it and after talking 2 hours, I can see why the little one would be confused, he's getting carted all over.<P>But in the end, that issue is with bf and his ex, all I can do is give my opinion, which he and I agree on.<P>That whole episode sent him into a panic. He has had a rough 3 days also. He has thought about everything from us breaking up to him not dating anyone for 10 years while his kids get thru this. Part of me thinks, thats a long time to give up your own life for your kids, but then I am not a child of divorce.<P>We talk some more and are communicating pretty good except for silent times of some tears. He is also feeling overwhelmed, that now he got in the habit of calling and if he can't, he will feel like he's going to be in trouble or something.<P>Lastly he admits that right now, the thought of my 3 kids, plus his 2 scare him down the road and isn't sure if he will know how to handle that since he can't handle his own two right now.<P>They don't want to do anything when they are with their dad but just stay in one place, no fun places, not even to go see their grandma, so this at least makes me feel less bad that its personal.<P>So we talked for 3 hours. No arguing. I gave him the opportunity several times, to break up. He didn't want that, he is just so confused. <P>I personally see this as the first bump in the road for us and am not ready to run over it. I think he might need some space but not to walk away just yet. <P>His children's mom (the exW) is dating now. I can bet she'll be introducing her bf to the kids soon, its getting time. This will make him feel less guilty about introducing me as one more piece of confusion to the puzzle. We also both think she'll switch to days eventually, and she is moving out of their house that they used to live in together. I think as this happens, his kids will go thru a lot but eventually they'll settle it out. They are in counseling and have parents that care for now.<P>I can't see walking away from someone that made me so happy this whole time, and I'm not ready. I let him know that he could break up with me, and I'll deal with it (not happily but I can do it) but I think that it might be an option to totally slow way down and see each other a lot less, maybe once , possibly twice a week until we figure this out more. <P>I asked him why he didn't call me for a few days, he said he was so confused, he needed space. I agree, it wasn't fair, but I think it was in a way, him testing me to see what would happen. <P>He tells me he missed me and thought about me A LOT that whole time, but these issues are stressing him out. He also admits that right now at this very moment, he can not think of marriage in the future, (where did THAT come from).<P>His parents have both been divorced and on their THIRD marriage. So I guess I can see where he's afraid, but this is NOT the time to think about that. <P>So thats where I'm at. We are still together, and backing up and slowing down. We don't know if this will work, to slow way down. The relationship I went thru over the summer, was very similar, everything was good, then the future scared him I guess. We chose to just go seperate ways.<P>At least today, I don't feel like this is all my fault. I don't feel like its over another woman (hard not to do at first after being betrayed). I think we moved to quick and things got complicated too quick. I think he's a great guy and worth the effort . I also have to go on the past 7 months of such a great and perfect relationship on both ends, we are both happy.<P>We talked about if there were no kids, and just he and I , we'd be living together right now. That we'd be just perfect together. <P>So since he has kids, and this will always be an issue, and we're both young (28) I think that is enough of a bit of hope for me to try right now.<P>So what do I do next? I guess I am going to focus solely on my kids first, and I have some career things I have let go. I got a family membership to the Y and I'm going to devote most of the week to my kids. The goal for me, right now, simply get a few phone calls a week, the quality ones I used to, not 6 rushed ones per day, and see him once a week for fun stuff, no overnights, no complications right now. <P>Then he and I will either handle this change with the love we have (and what a good test in the meantime), or we'll grow apart. Almost like a Plan A thing, in a way. <P>Thanks to all who's still reading, please let me know if you think this is realistic. Let me know if you've ever had to "slow down" in a relationship to try to save it, which is what we feel we can at least try for the moment. After 3 hours of talking, we hugged and were close and didn't want to split up. Other than that we're not really sure what will happen next.<P>Thanks for listening, hugs, Dana<P>

NewBeginning - I just read 3 out of 5 pages to your post. I'd like to try to read more later on it. Thanks for replying. I can see that you have been thru a lot. I really don't judge anyone here because I remember the state I was in while on Plan A. Heck, the state I was in the past few days was pretty rotten too! I have no clue who your bf is either, and I dated someone I met here before too. Again, not at all pre-meditated. But in hindsight for me, it was very bad timing anyhow. But I learned a lot and I survived it.<P>Jen - If I remember correctly you still talk to Bf #1 right? <P>Bob - Good luck with the gf. THanks so much for the reply. <P>Gina - Hi girl! I too am working on communicating. I always thought I did a good job of this in my marriage, but with recent discussions with my exH while trying to find out if something is wrong with me, I found that I didn't communicate, I wound up crying before I got it all out. I didn't cry last night though, almost but not really!<P>Bonnet - Hi, its good to hear from you. I haven't been posting as much lately, but I am probably going to be here trying to heal a little for the time being.<P>Hugs to all, Dana<BR>

Dana,<P>I think that you have handled the situation wonderfully!<P>I would say that it does sound like you are being very realistic and going about it slowly is a good thing to do.<P>The only other thing that I could add,is just to make sure that in the future when your bf has a prob/issue,to let you know and tell you that he needs some "thinking time/space".<BR>IMO that is a conciderate thing to do.<P>That way your don't drive your self crazy w/what is going on.<P>Your doing great!<P>Hang in there!<P>Gina <P><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dana))))))))))))))))))))))))))<P>You did so well. I'm really proud of you. congratulations. As you know, from several of our e-mails, I was really in hopes you would slow down. I felt your precious girls were going through so much in so little time. I couldn't be prouder of how you handled it.<P>I am sorry that you had to go through this ordeal. But, hold on to all the work you've done on yourself. Remember all you've learned. Everything will be ok. <P>And if Brian ends up not having a major role in your life a year from now, just think how much richer you will be for having learned these lessons.<P>Take care of yourself, girlfriend!<P>- Jane-Elise

(((((((Gina))))))) Thanks for the support!<P>(((((((Cinderella))))) I know that you have a valid point, but its so hard to slow down! Its scary, but it's happening a little. I took the advice of some of my guy friends and they said, give him space, and so I did. And yesterday he did call me a few times, and asked if we were doing anything that night. It felt good that he called, and I knew it wasn't me pushing. It felt good to be asked out also, and not just make our plans . I thanked him for taking me out and even though I always have I think he understood that it meant more to me now than ever. He's seeming about 95% his normal self , maybe more. I am so terrified now either way, that believe it or not, I have to slow down now. Suppose I let my guard down and get hurt again in a few months? Many friends have said, if its meant to be, it will be. So I have to build strength and believe that.<P>Before ex's affairs, I was always so strong . Stuff like this makes me feel weak and frightened, and I hate that feeling. <P>Thanks to all who gave me support I made it thru a rough week, and also some prayers to St. Jude helped too. I'm not terribly religious, but did try that prayer last week and it was a good one.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Dana,<P>There is going to pain when a relationship ends, unless it was strictly casual in the first place. It is how we deal with the pain that is important. If we allow it to drag us down to the bottom and we wallow there, then we know we have not healed from the divorce.<P>Sometimes I read in(well maybe into) some posts that people are expecting to be able to handle anything, especially the end of another relationship, without emotion.<P>To avoid falling in love immediately and being healthy enough to handle a breakup are the key reasons I think we are recommended to wait to date.<P>I know when the woman broke up with me last fall, I was crushed and felt that no one would love me again, and all the pain I felt when my wife left me. Howver this pain lasted only about a week compared to the things I still struggle withinregards to my x, no sepated/divorced almost two years.<P>You sound like you are doing okay. Keep using your head!<P>Hang in and God Bless!<P>Bob

Dana<P>That terrified feeling can be debilitating. I understand and went through the same thing with a recent divorcee a few months ago--way too soon for me. I sensed him pulling away and if he didn't call I was insanely anxious. In fact, this situation is what prompted me to go to individual counseling because until then I was handling the divorce just fine. It just brought up all kinds of ugly feelings. <P>The anxiety and fear (of rejection, of not being rejected, of the sunmoonandstars) was too much to take. He had done something similar to your bf early on in our "relationship": he called saying he wanted to talk to me. Of course, the whole time waiting I was an absolute wreck. Never been so insecure. Well, it was something minor and it didn't do anything to us except wake up terrible feelings of fear of losing him in me. <P>We went too fast, and thank god he recognized it. We didn't continue to date--we just stopped, not slowed down. I wish we had continued, but I kind of killed that a few weeks ago when I talked to him again and outright asked why we didn't continue--but that is another story<P>It is very good that you do take a breath. Otherwise you both will spontaneously combust. If your relationship can survive a slow down, it will give you both a chance to look objectively at things and determine if it is right for you without the clouds of infatuation/love/emotion getting in the way. Sometimes I think I spent so much time with my guy because we were both terribly insecure. That is a horrible feeling. This will give you both strength to see that you can survive being apart and consequently, be a stronger couple.<P>Hope I haven't rambled<P><BR> <P>

Bob,<P>What you are saying is correct and probably very true why we shouldn't date too soon. ITs hard not too after being betrayed! You get caught up in the attention.<P>GSD,<P>Thanks for your reply, no you didn't ramble, thats usually my department. Yes, we are still together. Both taking a "slow down". Not that we came out and said that, but me personally, I'm not calling him to give him space. He didn't call me for a day after all that, then called twice Sat, Sun and once Monday. I saw him for a minute on Monday and got a big hug and kiss. No its not the same intensity and passion as when things were perfect, but its enough to know we are still together right now, and both just hurt and confused. <P>I agree, that if we can stand this test, it will make us stronger in the end, and same thing, that week of worry only showed me how much I did care for him.<P>I was reading a good book the other day called "Women Men Love, Women Men Leave". In it, they pinpoint 3 stages of love. That first stage, the intense, passionate, can't be without you stage. The second stage, is a state of confusion and almost boredom. You are actually coming down from such a high, that really is not realistic, to believe love would always stay that way. But thats when a lot of couples mistakenly think "its over" and break up. If you can work thru this hard stage, you get to the Third Stage, of a "mature, long lasting" type of love. This is where you can still have all those passionate moments, but not the continual high of it all. You also would have become stronger from that confusion you just worked thru.<P>Could this be true ? It sounds logical enough? Almost reminds me of the "high" or "fog" a WS feels when he cheats. <P>Anyhow, I'm hanging in there. I believe, its similar to any marraige breaking up, that once you put too much distance into it, its harder to work thru. I didn't come this far to give up on the first issue to come up. This is where we can learn if we as a couple can work thru problems, and how our strategies will work as a team to do this.<P>Thanks for the replies, I'm trying hard to hang in there, its getting easier but I have my moments. Hugs, Dana<BR>

Dana:<P>I think what the book stated does make sense. I have always believed that there are different stages of love. I thought I was in the "content" stage of love with my x. But, he apparantly wanted the "passionate" stage all the time. <P>Jen<BR>