He is sending so many mixed signals, I cannot tell my [censored] from my head, please excuse the language, I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this, or why it seems like someone else is in total control of my life and why am I allowing that person to be able to dictate my thoughts, and actions.<P>One minute he's nice and loving, the next like last night all over again, I don't want you, today let's do lunch, he makes me feel like gold one second the next second he makes me feel like I'm a mutt off the street by saying things, as though I'm suppose to be perfect and if I'm not then I'm not good enough for him,<P>I'm ready to let go, but I don't know how, all last night I hI couldn't sleep because I kept having thoughts of wishing something bad would happen to him, just so he would go through something that most of us have, this man hasn't had one problem in the 3 years that I've known him. His family is healthy, everyone in my family is sick, he doesn't have problems with friends, his friends are all helpful to him with whatever he ask and he has tons of them, I on the other hand believe when you have more friends you have more problems, so I can count my friends on one hand, <P>his mother and father are still together after all these years, both of my parents are deceased, and he holds all these things against me, he says he doesn't want to be around me because my brothers do drugs and I've got too many issues around me, and I explained that I cannot change the way other people are they are grown why are you blaming me for others behavior<P>then he asked me why don't I communicate more, I mean nothing is good enough, nothing.

Dear Choco,<P>I am new at this site, been posting on the recovery and general questions II site for about 2 months. Sounds like your H is in a couple of stages:<P>1. Fog - confused and not fully knowing the way out. This<BR> is not to be confused witht he fact that he does <BR> know what he is doing but not really or ready to <BR> admit he wants to change and work on your marriage.<P>2. Waffling - Back and forth, constant change of emotions. <BR> Wonder if they are experiencing morning <BR> sickness. All that motion of emotions which<BR> cause them to change their minds more than<BR> they change their clothes. <P>How long does all this last? Depending on the WS and their attitude. What can the BS do? Not much. Provide support and understanding and when that becomes to difficult, move to plan B. Then the patience of watching and waiting for them to move out of those stages begins. I believe that eventually something will happen, that hard part is the waiting. I am at that stage now. <P>Don't know much more than that. Hope it helps. <P>L.<BR>

Thanks Orchid,<P>Anything helps right now, I cannot figure him out and it is exhausting, I want him back but he keeps saying no, it's like if that's the way you feel then why are you around me more than anyone else, he said that he wants to always be friends, but I'm not trying to be friends with him after he gets involved with someone else, those emotions I know I would not be able to control, he has been fasting all week, and he is weak right now he says he's going home after work he left me a month ago and he lives with a friend, he says that he's going home for the evening,<P>I sent him a ananomous e-mail asking him out for a date, I told him I met him at a conference, he sent an e-mail back saying not at this time. Not that that means anything, but it seems like the **** hit the fan shortly after that. IT's never been the same he constantly battles me on every expression I try to express, <P>I miss him so much, I've got to get me senses back, I need GOD!!!

Dear Choco,<P>Here try this: Read my 'crazy post' here. I just did it yesterday. It is entitled "new kid on the block...." If your situation is not as bad, it might give you something to appreciate. I am not trying to belittle your situation but sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own world we may miss out on what is in our favor. <P>Find out what positive things you have going. Share these with your H. Maybe your H needs to be free to think on his own. Mine does but he thinks real slow. Anyway I am not sure I can stick it out. Reason: My H asked if he divorced me and then found out that he wanted to come back, would I consider remarrying him. <P>Wow, does this mean that he was trying to keep his options open? This made me angry. I don't want to play 2nd fiddle to anyone. <P>See how bad their thinking can be? Anyway just some thoughts. You take care ok?<P>L.<BR>