My wife of 10+ years told me a few months back that she has never been sexually aroused by me. I pretty much knew this, but in the past she told me it wasn’t a big deal to her. All of a sudden, it was - and she felt guilty & depressed over her non-feelings (she is now on a mild anti-depressant as a result). I assured her we could work on this and tried to be very understanding.<p>From Q&A in this web site, it seems obvious to me she has a (mild) case of sexual aversion. She disagreed since she "has never had it good between us...not even from the start," but I still see the information as applicable. BTW, we were virgins when we met, and with the exception of an affair she had a few years into our marriage, never had other partners.<p>She recently read a book on improving her ability to orgasm, and says she can so on her own - but not with me. She says it boils down to her not being comfortable with me during sex. Again, this leads me to think "aversion." I am getting frustrated because I feel the solutions are clearly spelled out in Harley’s books or others, but I doubt things are going to improve via a self-help program with kids, work, and other responsibilities. I think she needs to see a sex therapist - but she says no. <p>Q: Any success stories for a spouse in the similar situation to give me (or us) some hope? Anyone try sex therapy with good/bad results?<br>

I will watch this site as to answers to your<br>questions of a sex therapist helping. I would like to know also.<br>didi

lp,<br>Your wife says she was never really sexually aroused by you? You were both virgins when you married. Can I assume you were both young too? Many times girls get married without a clue to what it's all about. That may be hard to believe in this day and age but true sometimes. Perhaps she had a crush on you but she had no inkling of what the sexual part was all about. If she can orgasm on her own then I doubt seriously she has an adversion to sex itself...but just sex with you. You both definately need counceling and as far as sex therapy goes...it may not bring about the answer you want. How does one aquire sexual attraction to ones mate when it was never there to begin with? This seems complicated and I know this post was no help to you. I too cant have an orgam with my husband or previous mates. But I do and can when masterbating. However I am completely in love and sexually attracted to my husband and we do enjoy sex and passion even without my having the big O. We are trying new things and working on the problem. Self help books and etc..God bless you and good luck.

Thanks for the feedback. I seem to flip flop on what I interpret the problem to be. If she says she just isn't comfortable with me, does that just mean inhibition? That's a whole lot different than an aversion, right? I still don't know if therapy is a possibility, but we'll keep our options open.

Was she inhibited with the man she had the affair with? She isnt lesbian is she? Just something to think about...

lp-<br> Did she read Harley's article on sexual aversion? If so, can she identify with the feelings of the woman who sent in the question? That should answer the question of whether aversion or inhibition. My wife and I are about a week into trying Harley's recommendation on fixing the aversion problem. Not sure it will work, but we are willing to try anything at this point in time.<br> D.