Hello All,<P>I am looking for alot of support here. My STBXW has gotten very nasty in the last three days. For legal reasons I can not get into the specifics, but I am now in a place that is far worse then I could ever have imagined.<P>Friday night I was served with a protection order prohibiting me from contacting her or my two younger children. She did this on a Friday, knowing damn well that I would not be able to do anything until Monday morning. I miss my kids. <P>I have spoken with a lawyer on what my options are, and it does not look pretty. It will probably come down to an expensive court battle. I really need some support here. I am very lost. And to top it all off, I found out tonight that there was most likely another affair in the previous year that I knew nothing about. I suspected something 6-8 months ago. This is so sad. What else could go wrong?<P>I just want her out of my life for good. I know that this can not happen because of the children. Most likely I will lose contact with our 8 year old, because I am not his biological father. I have raised him since the day he was born, but because he is not blood, I have no legal rights to him. I do not want my STBXW back. I do not want to remain married to her. I do not want to reconcile with her. I am at a point where any love that I had for her, quickly drained Friday night. I just want this over with. <P>Griz

Dear Griz,<P>Sorry to hear of your dealings with STBXW. Can't you contest the reasons you were served? Does your state allow adultery as a reason for separation or divorce? I wish mine would. No fault is what California does. <P>If this divorce is no one's fault then why is our family so upset? Anyway, wanted to let you know that we are here for you. Vent away as much as you need. There are several postings about being friends and plan b with kids. I think they are on the GQ II side. Maybe some of the info will help. <P>For me there was a lot of reason to be upset this evening. I will post that soon. Need to cool down a bit. Dealing a no brainer to a no brainer is hard work. Especially when they walk away without working anything out. <P>Your children are your children no matter what. I you did not adopt your 8 year old, it may be difficult to continue being their parent. That must hurt. Maybe your other children and intercede and share you feelings with all your children. Kids are good at making up for our inadequatecies. <P>I hope you can prove your STBXW wrong and get back to visiting your children. Until then, our thoughts and support are with you. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Griz,<P>So sorry things have gotten so bad for you. Your STBXW really is being wierd now. <P>I am in a very bad state emotinally right now and my train of thought is poor so I won't attempt to write much but wanted to offer you a bit of support.<P>Thinking of you. Take Care.

Griz,<P>I've been (almost) there...<BR>About 4 months after D-day, my W and I had a verbal argument...<BR>...she filed a report against me, minutes after I had to take the kids over my sisters...<BR>...and when I found out... and I went to the police station to counter-file a report against her...<BR>...I was treated like the scum of the earth... a wife beater... and so much worse... <P>But...<BR>since there was no protective order...<BR>...my lawyer said don't worry about.<P>In your case... do check with an attorney... on what is your best course of action.<P>I too have a stepchild (but now he is 18yo), at the time he was 16yo. He lives with me, since he can't stand the thought of living with the OM and his mother.<BR>Your 8 yo, unfortunately, is too young to make that decision...<BR>...and with the PO against you... it will be an uphill struggle.<P>You have my prayers.<P> <P>Jim

Griz,<P>I also am in a strange emotional state, and I can't offer much in the way of advice since I too am the BS. But I do want to offer you some support and tell you I know what it feels like to have everything slip away and feel so hopeless. Save your strength as much as you can for this court battle, don't use up your energy on negativity towards stbx. Hugs, Dana<BR>

Hi Griz,<P>I just wanted to say hang in there. Without knowing all the specifics (and they're not required) things do sound awful for you. I hope you find a good lawyer who can turn that around for you.<P>It's Tuesday here now, so I suppose you have seen your lawyer and filed whatever you have to by now. How did it go?<P>I can't stand the thought of people using the children as pawns in this game. Is she doing that?<P>I also wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you, and praying for you.<P>Keep strong, and whatever you do, don't lose your cool with her (that's real rich coming from me!!! More on that later)<BR>That is a big big mistake. Especially in your case where court action is looming. ]<P>Whatever it takes, you must maintain your composure. That will speak volumes to your solicitor, the police, and the judge. But most of all, it will give the children some faith in you. They need to know that at least one parent is being stable, and consistent. It sounds like that parent is you.<P>Do it for them. And then do it for yourself.<P>Keep us posted.<P>biggest hugs for you<P>Jo

Thank you to all! Your support in this is very much appreciated. More than words could express. Unfortunately, under Idaho law, my hands are somewhat tied on what I can do at this point. I have to play the waiting game now. This in itself is the hardest part. Not knowing what is going on with my children, and knowing that I can not even call to see how they are really hurts inside.<P>Orchid,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Can't you contest the reasons you were served?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This will be addressed at the hearing. Because there is no proof, it becomes a he said, she said battle. This could be a long drawn out process.<P>HopelessinAZ, NSR and DanaB,<BR>Thank you for your kind words. They speak very loudly to me right now. I am so lost not knowing what is going on with my kids.<P>bonnet,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I can't stand the thought of people using the children as pawns in this game. Is she doing that?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes very much so. In the beginning of this, it was that I was a good father. She would not do anything to take the kids away from me. As the weeks progressed, she started getting very angry with me. She started using the fact that I had no legal rights to our 8 year old against me. Telling me several times that I had no say in what she did with him. Now after we came up with an agreement in medaition, she decided to pull this stunt to take the 2 year old away as well. Fortunately, I am her father. She can not keep her from me. I do have rights to her. I just wish that it did not go this way. Thank you for your support.<P>I will keep all updated on the situation. Right now I have to let my lawyer communicate with her lawyer, and find out what in the hell is going on. I pray that it all works out in the end for both of my children.<P>Griz

Griz,<BR>It may be realty setting in for stbx. She knows she has lost you and now she is trying to hang on to the kids.<P>I read/heard something recently about POs and it was that if there are no grounds for them, then they will be lifted at the hearing.<P>I just read something about fathers getting custody and one thing it recommended was to document everything she does regarding the kids, good and bad, so it doesn't look vindictive. They suggested a calendar so you can write it down on the dates the event occurs.<P>Hang in and God Bless,<P>Bob