After my H gave me a choice between moving out or working on things (seeing results sooner), I realized that we had to separate. We had been going to counseling and through this I found that I just didn't want to work on things any longer. The decision for me to move out was made 3 weeks ago and I moved out this past weekend. Prior to moving out I also realized that I think divorce is the best thing for myself. We have been married almost 3 years and I couldn't stand trying to work on things with him when it never got better. Anyway, I spoke with my lawyer before I moved out of our house and told him to start the petition. I have to tell my H and I am not sure how to go about this. I am sort of scared he will be very angry and try and play hardball with all of our assets. Although we have split up everything already is there any suggestions as to how to break this to him in a way that is sensible and calm. Suggestions would be appreciated.

Hi, first, PLEASE check with your lawyer - I was told that my STBX could claim I 'deserted' him even though he told me to pack my bags or else... however my STBX and I do talk and sort of are 'friends' if you can believe that.<BR>We've been living apart for almost a year now and just started the paperwork to be legally separated (in this state you MUST be separated a year before divorce but it doesn't have to be a legal sep just as long as both parties agree on the sep date, the legal sep is more from covering our rears...)<BR>In my opinion, there is no 'sensible and calm' way.. what I mean is, even it may be sensible and calm, he might not see it that way and it will probably be very emotional. (this is just my opinion based on what happened with me) <BR>Think about what you are going to say, and make sure it's clear and 'sensitive'... "There is no easy way to say this, ..." <BR>Maybe people who have been on the 'receiving' end of the 'divorce' speech could advise you...<BR>I think once the word divorce is uttered some people shut down and stop hearing what else you have to say...<BR>I hope everything works out for you... <P>DISCLAIMER: This is only my opinion, and I'm offering a listening ear...<BR><p>[This message has been edited by anonymous1 (edited March 27, 2001).]

LA,<P>Unfortunately there is no easy way to tell your husband. Sorry. Especially if he is in the mindset to want to work on things. I have a couple questions for you though:<P>1) How long did you go to counseling?<BR>2) Do you think that you are going to find someone better than your husband and if/when you get married again things will be much better?<BR>3) During the counseling, did you "really" try? Or did you just go through the motions?<BR>4) Why do you think that things "never got any better"?<P>As you may be able to infer, I was in your husband's shoes about a year and a half ago. We also were married for three years (knew each other for 7). She also decided to "give up". According to our counselor, he said that she just didn't want to try anymore, although the problems we had were/are very common to many married couples. In his opinion, it was good that we found these "problems" so early in our marriage, because we had the ability to address them now - before children. He said that if we could get by these problems, our marriage would have probably been really, really good. Unfortunately my W felt that there was no reason why we should have been having these problems so early in our marriage. Her words:"These problems happen to people who are married 10 to 15 years - we shouldn't have them now!".<P>Bottom line is that my wife did not understand what marriage is really about - and she still doesn't. Sure I definitely added to the problems of our marriage - I did mess up. But I also went into the marriage knowing that things will "get hard" - that marriage takes work. My W does not seem to think so.<P>I don't know your story or how you are feeling, but you may really want to spend some time here, hearing about other marriages and what constitutes a "bad marriage". I think you may also learn that ALL marriages have problems. ALL marriages take hard work - day-in and day-out.<P>I fear a divorce may not be the answer you are looking for - but that is just my opinion. Again from our counseling, "your marriage may end, but your problems will follow you from relationship to relationship. I suggest you first try to fix your problems within your marriage and that TAKES time. Then when you feel you have done EVERYTHING that you feel you can and you TRULY tried hard to make it work, and it still has not gotten ANY better - then and only then should a divorce be looked at as an option".<P>Whatever you decided I hope you really think through all the consequences. And I pray you do what really is best for the both of you.<P>And just remember that telling a spouse you want a divorce is never, ever an easy thing. Just as there is no easy way to hear those words being told to you... You will hurt your husband. Know that. I have been there.<P>God Bless.<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

LA,<P>From reading your post, I suspect that your husband already knows you are no longer interested in trying to work things out and that you want to end your marriage. The fact that he gave you an ultimatum, work on the problems or move out, and you chose to move out speaks volumes. The only real question here is whether or not he heard what you are not saying.<P>Why are you worried about him playing hardball with your assets when you have already split everything up anyway? In that brief a marriage, you haven't accumulated much that can't be easily recovered anyway. Maybe it is just another part of the feminine mystique that I've never been able to grasp. I suspect that you really do want a divorce, but you want it on your terms. At least one of those terms is the "it was all his fault story" It is almost like you want a divorce, but don't want him to recognize that fact. If the marriage is ending, you both have some responsibility for that, any you both must accept responsibility for it. <BR> <BR>You really should tell him that it is over, and that you want out. but say that without beating him up, and don't invite him to beat you up over it either. When you announce that you want a divorce, there is a mountain of rejection involved. And rejection hurts big time. Just say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.<P>When you look at the marriages that last, each of the spouses has recognized that the survival of the marriage is far more important than any one person, and they live up to that. When one or more spouses decides that "I Want, Me and My" are more important than the marriage, it falls apart. Just that simple. One person just cannot save a marriage alone.<P>If you have truely decided that his is what you want, this is a real good time to get out of the driver's seat and start taking some direction from your lawyer. <P>Good Luck,<P>Bumper <P>

My husband probably realizes that there isn't much hope for us working things out. We have our separate checking and savings accounts. We have completely gone foward and divided everything out. Since moving out I feel a huge load lifted from my shoulders. No cheap digs at one another, no yelling, and no threats. <P>I am going to tell him that I am going forward with the divorce and I hope that I can come across to him in a non-threatening way. I think what hurts me more is not the divorce, but having to be the one to say it first. I know he won't say it even if he knows this would be the best thing for both of us. I guess I am not so concerned with what is mine and what is his, except for our two dogs. I have them now and through speaking with my lawyer shouldn't have a problem keeping them. I guess that is what I was most concerned with. I have tried to stay a few steps ahead of him when it comes to protecting myself, but I don't think this should be looked at as a bad thing. I am not looking to hurt him or make him suffer, although some people would consider what I am doing suffering enough. It is definately hard being on my side of the coin. <P>I also know that we are both at fault for various reasons for the way things have ended up. He was at fault for a lot of things from the beginning towards the end and I was at fault for various things in the last six months. I will never downplay my faults for failure in our marriage.<P>My goal is to be happy and content. And I hope he will find this as well. I love him as a person and would never want any harm to come to him. He is not an evil person. I am just not in love with him as I was when we first got engaged. That began fading throughout our engagement and was apparent to me then, but I was afraid of telling him we shouldn't get married. In fact, I don't think I would of let myself do it even now looking back.<P>You are correct about marriage when you mention that your spouse is the most important thing of all when a marriage is to work. And I think both of us have fallen from that a long time ago. Now it does seem like we are out to find what is best for us as individuals. <P>I have begun listening to my lawyers advice and will continue to move foward in this direction. I just hope that when everything is said and done, he will be a happier person with someone who puts as a priority and vice versa for me too. I know what marriage should be like and hope that I will be able to find someone who I can take care of and who will take care of me. And through this we can have Unity.<P>Thanks for your advice and thanks for taking the time to listen. Best of luck to you and everyone else who must go through this. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bumperii:<BR><B>LA,<P>From reading your post, I suspect that your husband already knows you are no longer interested in trying to work things out and that you want to end your marriage. The fact that he gave you an ultimatum, work on the problems or move out, and you chose to move out speaks volumes. The only real question here is whether or not he heard what you are not saying.<P>Why are you worried about him playing hardball with your assets when you have already split everything up anyway? In that brief a marriage, you haven't accumulated much that can't be easily recovered anyway. Maybe it is just another part of the feminine mystique that I've never been able to grasp. I suspect that you really do want a divorce, but you want it on your terms. At least one of those terms is the "it was all his fault story" It is almost like you want a divorce, but don't want him to recognize that fact. If the marriage is ending, you both have some responsibility for that, any you both must accept responsibility for it. <BR> <BR>You really should tell him that it is over, and that you want out. but say that without beating him up, and don't invite him to beat you up over it either. When you announce that you want a divorce, there is a mountain of rejection involved. And rejection hurts big time. Just say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.<P>When you look at the marriages that last, each of the spouses has recognized that the survival of the marriage is far more important than any one person, and they live up to that. When one or more spouses decides that "I Want, Me and My" are more important than the marriage, it falls apart. Just that simple. One person just cannot save a marriage alone.<P>If you have truely decided that his is what you want, this is a real good time to get out of the driver's seat and start taking some direction from your lawyer. <P>Good Luck,<P>Bumper <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LA:<BR><B>That began fading throughout our engagement and was apparent to me then, but I was afraid of telling him we shouldn't get married. In fact, I don't think I would of let myself do it even now looking back.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>....you would still be afraid to hurt him by "not" getting married, but you are perfectly OK with telling him you want a divorce?......<P>I don't ever think I will understand any of you gals..... <P><BR>Mike<P><P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Let me explain.<P>When going through PreCana at our Catholic church we spent a weekend understanding what marriage is. Through this we were to take time and write our thoughts about what marriage means to each of us. This went on for an entire weekend. I saw many areas where we were completely different and disagreed on. Such as: Priorities, Work, Money, and Children etc. We would discuss this and despite his opposing views to mine, I thought everything would work itself out once we lived together. I also was fearful of what my family and friends would think of my decision to hold off on a wedding that was costing 30K. I sort of felt that I made my decision and no matter what I would be able to overcome these issues. What I found out is that no matter how hard I tried to make my husband aware of things that bothered me he never to the time to truly listen even after we were married and even now he continues to listen to what he believes I am saying rather then put himself in my shoes and see it through my eyes. That is how things failed. My feelings began to diminish. I came into this marriage with 100% faith in us, but after constant mental abuse from him and lack of caring, I grew farther and farther away from wanting to work on things.<P>I know it is probably difficult to understand women. And it is probably difficult to understand why I would get married knowing so many problems existed, but at 25 years old I thought I could change anyone. I learned that you can't change people and you must accept them for who they are, but I can't live with someone like my Husband who has such different ideals about marriage. And if he can't change those I have no choice, but to move on. I have worked my heart out trying to make things work and I know it sounds bad, but I have nothing left to offer him. We are just two completely different people and that isn't a bad thing- it just make for a happy marriage for me. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoTired2000:<BR><B> ....you would still be afraid to hurt him by "not" getting married, but you are perfectly OK with telling him you want a divorce?......<P>I don't ever think I will understand any of you gals..... <P><BR>Mike<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

LA,<P>We went to Engagement Encounter as well for Pre-Cana. On a side note - I am so glad that weekend exists, it gave me a lot of new beliefs about marriage that I still carry with me today. For me and my wife, when we compared what we wrote to each other, they were almost exactly alike (I guess that is what so perplexes me about her current actions). My wife also used to say that people can never change and you know what, I agree - people can't change, but their behaviors can. I am the perfect example. Unfortunately my change came to late in our marriage, my wife like you had already given up on the marriage. I have written this many times before on this site that right before she left she told me that "now I was the husband she always wanted me to be - BUT it was a little too little a little too late" - talk about OUCH! That really hurt.<P>I would never suggest you keep in a marriage where there is no hope, but I am just one of those people who believes that there is ALWAYS hope. I don't think it is that people don't want to change, it is only that they don't believe they NEED to change - it is called STUBBORNESS. I used to suffer from it big time in my marriage!<P>From what you write here, it seems that the difference is that your husband is letting his pride get in the way of what is really important. That makes me very sad. Often it does not take much "bending" for real change to begin and take hold.<P>About having doubts before getting married - I believe that everyone has doubts - how can you not? Usually the doubts are put on the man ("he has cold feet"), but women get them just the same. And I think that if you get divorced and then marry again, you will have similar doubts - probably even a little more doubts because of what you have been through. But just because you had doubts does not mean that your marriage was wrong.<P>You mention being Catholic. You know then that we are taught to believe that NO marriage is a mistake - God has reasons for every marriage. Once two people get married in the eyes of the Lord, they are one united - forever. Before you even say it, I know, I know - there are anulments. And we could debate the anulment issue til the cows come home - and to be honest even I am torn on the issue.<P>Finally, separation does not necessarily have to meen divorce. You are young - there is so much time out there. A lawyer is going to tell you to get it done with now - Guess what? That is there job. As my attorney so casually put it to me "Mike, my job is to break marriages up, not save them". He was partly kidding, but he was right. I knew that any/all advice I got from him about my marriage was designed to be towards its dissolution.<P>I guess what I am saying is not to rush into anything. But that is totally up to you. By the way if you should have any doubts left about what you are doing, may I suggest a book to you? It will only run you about $20 and will still be a source of help even in a new relationship - It is called "The Couple's Devotional Bible". True it is a bible, but it is also so much more. Throughout the book are essays written by over 300 couples (I think that many) on every possible subject of marriage you can imagine. These are not priests or marriage counselors - they are the couples who are on the "front lines" of marriage day-in and day-out. Some of their incites on marriage are absolutely amazing.<P>I pray you find the wisdom and courage you need to make the right decision for you. I would never judge you - I don't know you and even if I did, it still would not be right for me to judge. I hope you look at my postings as a gift - Not many people going through decisions such as yours have the opportunity to hear from "the other side" who is not their spouse. Often through disagreements comes knowledge.<P>Good luck and God Bless,<BR>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

I understand where you are coming from. I see a lot of what you feel in my husband and in some ways I can see what your wife felt. I understand that marriage is something you shouldn't take lightly and I truly believe in my heart I haven't. I also feel that my decision to go forward with a divorce hasn't been rushed. <P>As you mentioned, sometimes PRIDE gets in the way of things and one thing my husband does is forget that stubborness doesn't solve or work on things. I really believe he will also feel that he has changed a little to late. <P>I wish I could describe how someone feels on the other end to better help you understand how I feel or maybe even how your wife may have felt. It is really hard to describe when your feelings change for the worse. It isn't something you contrive in your mind and it isn't something that happens over night. It is this feeling that almost puts you in a state that really makes you happier being on your own then being with your spouse. <P>If you can remember back to when maybe you broke up with a girlfriend and it was just because you knew it was the best thing to do--it is sort of like that. I know a girlfriend is a much smaller scale then a wife, but on the same note the feeling that things have changed for us is much greater too. (that feeling that separation or divorce is the best thing)<P>I know I am causing pain by having to be the one to do this, but I know that right now I feel pain too. I wish I could make this easier, but divorce isn't easy and neither is separation.<P>Thanks for your words of encouragement and I know that each day I think about my actions and what the ramifications will be in hopes that somewhere there is a light at the end of the tunnel.<P>LA<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoTired2000:<BR><B>LA,<P>We went to Engagement Encounter as well for Pre-Cana. On a side note - I am so glad that weekend exists, it gave me a lot of new beliefs about marriage that I still carry with me today. For me and my wife, when we compared what we wrote to each other, they were almost exactly alike (I guess that is what so perplexes me about her current actions). My wife also used to say that people can never change and you know what, I agree - people can't change, but their behaviors can. I am the perfect example. Unfortunately my change came to late in our marriage, my wife like you had already given up on the marriage. I have written this many times before on this site that right before she left she told me that "now I was the husband she always wanted me to be - BUT it was a little too little a little too late" - talk about OUCH! That really hurt.<P>I would never suggest you keep in a marriage where there is no hope, but I am just one of those people who believes that there is ALWAYS hope. I don't think it is that people don't want to change, it is only that they don't believe they NEED to change - it is called STUBBORNESS. I used to suffer from it big time in my marriage!<P>From what you write here, it seems that the difference is that your husband is letting his pride get in the way of what is really important. That makes me very sad. Often it does not take much "bending" for real change to begin and take hold.<P>About having doubts before getting married - I believe that everyone has doubts - how can you not? Usually the doubts are put on the man ("he has cold feet"), but women get them just the same. And I think that if you get divorced and then marry again, you will have similar doubts - probably even a little more doubts because of what you have been through. But just because you had doubts does not mean that your marriage was wrong.<P>You mention being Catholic. You know then that we are taught to believe that NO marriage is a mistake - God has reasons for every marriage. Once two people get married in the eyes of the Lord, they are one united - forever. Before you even say it, I know, I know - there are anulments. And we could debate the anulment issue til the cows come home - and to be honest even I am torn on the issue.<P>Finally, separation does not necessarily have to meen divorce. You are young - there is so much time out there. A lawyer is going to tell you to get it done with now - Guess what? That is there job. As my attorney so casually put it to me "Mike, my job is to break marriages up, not save them". He was partly kidding, but he was right. I knew that any/all advice I got from him about my marriage was designed to be towards its dissolution.<P>I guess what I am saying is not to rush into anything. But that is totally up to you. By the way if you should have any doubts left about what you are doing, may I suggest a book to you? It will only run you about $20 and will still be a source of help even in a new relationship - It is called "The Couple's Devotional Bible". True it is a bible, but it is also so much more. Throughout the book are essays written by over 300 couples (I think that many) on every possible subject of marriage you can imagine. These are not priests or marriage counselors - they are the couples who are on the "front lines" of marriage day-in and day-out. Some of their incites on marriage are absolutely amazing.<P>I pray you find the wisdom and courage you need to make the right decision for you. I would never judge you - I don't know you and even if I did, it still would not be right for me to judge. I hope you look at my postings as a gift - Not many people going through decisions such as yours have the opportunity to hear from "the other side" who is not their spouse. Often through disagreements comes knowledge.<P>Good luck and God Bless,<BR>Mike<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LA:<BR><B>I wish I could describe how someone feels on the other end to better help you understand how I feel or maybe even how your wife may have felt. It is really hard to describe when your feelings change for the worse. It isn't something you contrive in your mind and it isn't something that happens over night. It is this feeling that almost puts you in a state that really makes you happier being on your own then being with your spouse. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't doubt or underestimate that your feelings have changed. My question is this: If at one time you loved your husband (before you were married) and then your feelings changed, could there exist the possibility that your feelings could change back? If only a slight possibility?<P>And I'm sure your thinking, "yeah, but what if they don't?". Well you have faith in your life, right? And it is a fact that God does not like divorce, right? And God has the power to do all things - move mountains, part the sea, send locusts, heal the sick, cure the blind, etc... Then if God wants your marriage to work, and He knows your feelings have changed, if you BOTH go to him and ask for His help in fixing your marriage, don't you think He will help? I mean, you do believe He can do anything right?<P>It is a hard way to think, I totally agree. And it is not an easy thing to do (believe in God's way). My feeling is that maybe if more of us put God's wants ahead of what we want, our lives would be so much better. I will leave you with a little story....<P>There was a monk who had a few flower seeds.<BR>The monk went out and planted the seeds in the ground.<BR>Then he knew that the seeds needed rain so he prayed<BR>for rain and God sent rain. Then the seeds sprouted.<BR>The monk then knew that the seedling needed sun so he<BR>prayed for sun and God answered his prayer and sent sun.<BR>The monk then knew the small plant needed a breeze so he<BR>prayed for a breeze and God answered his prayer.<BR>Later that day the monk went out only to find his little<BR>seedling lieing dead on the ground. He went to talk about<BR>this with his friend. His friend was standing looking at<BR>his beautiful flower which had come from the same batch<BR>of seeds. His friend said that he planted the seed and<BR>prayed to God for Him to care for the flower as "HE" saw<BR>fit.<P>The monk was so busy thinking about what he thought the<BR>seedling needed, he forgot that everything belongs to God<BR>and God knows "exactly" what each and every living thing<BR>needs. God answered the monks prayers exactly how they<BR>were prayed. He did as the monk requested.<BR>The second monk was a little more enlightened and prayed to God for<BR>"God's will" to be done - that monk knew that God knows so<BR>much more than he did and that the monk would never tell<BR>God what He should do...<P>Keep in mind I convey this to you only because you brought<BR>up your faith in your previous post. For someone who does not yet have God in their lives, the above story will probably be meaningless. But for those that believe, the Bible is a great piece of literature to live by - There is not too much confusion when you look at what it teaches.<P>Just some food for thought <P>God Bless,<BR>MIke<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Hi LA, I want to just say that I understand where you are coming from becasue I, too, am in similar boat. Did you happen to see my postings under"Divorced/Seperation"? Anonymous1 and SoTired have given me "food for thought" as well. In reading your postings, it seems as if we are thinking alike in our decision-making. We both want happiness. We both feel like we've done all we can. We both believe being single in this point in our lives will bring us much more happiness or even just happiness than being married. I certainly feel this way. I love my husband. I care for him. I don't want harm done to him. I am no longer in love with him. I don't want to be touched by him, kissed, in the presence of him, etc. etc. It shouldn't be this way. My husband has done a 360 degree turnaround since I first told him about 5 months ago when I told him I didn't want to get married or be married and that I was leaving. These thoughts I have felt the year and half we've been married. The thought I had that when he proposed I should have said "no" but couldn't. I was afraid of his reaction. Afraid to hurt him as LA seems to have felt also. It's refreshing to see see someone else was in a similar boat bc I often think I am the only person in the world who has felt/does feel this way. I, too, know what a marriage is about. However, I don't feel I am ABOUT that, esp. with my husband. We have different views on things, different expectations, etc. We knew these things going in to the marriage. This was one sign that I should have headed to in helping me say "no", that I shouldn't get married when I did. However, we both went in I guess thinking that these changes and ideas would change and they haven't. If I get the opportunity to do it again (remarry), I know better how to handle the situation and that definitely discussing marital issues in depth is important and vital. Making sure what both parties are seeking out of the marriage is important. I did not have adequate premarital counseling. <BR>Good luck LA and I'm sure it will work out for the best. I have given my marriage and this whole situation to God a long time ago and I've prayed that he will work it out and send it into the direction it should go. I've prayed that we can both be happy and I have faith that this will happen when the time is right for both of us. <BR>Take Care.

Correction LA, my topic is Divorced/Divorcing. Sorry for the mistake.

Thanks for your response. It is warmly received. I know exactly how you feel. It is just really hard to admit and follow through with everything. I feel bad because he doesn't understand where I am coming from. This Wednesday I am going to tell him that I am following through with the Divorce. I know I will look like the bad guy, but I know that it is the best thing for him and I. I am just not the same person anymore and even though he has made some changes to work on things, a big part of this is timing. I just wish he would of tried to work on things over a year ago. I think at that point I was at my last string of effort and was ready for him to make a turn around, but he didn't and he took this past year to again destroy anything we had. Now his changes in the past months haven't worked because I was in a state of not caring anymore. It is difficult to understand if you aren't in that situation. Did you already get your divorce or are you going through one? How did you break this to him and how has it been since then? I would appreciate hearing your thoughts. I will read up on your past.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LIBRAGIRL:<BR><B>Hi LA, I want to just say that I understand where you are coming from becasue I, too, am in similar boat. Did you happen to see my postings under"Divorced/Seperation"? Anonymous1 and SoTired have given me "food for thought" as well. In reading your postings, it seems as if we are thinking alike in our decision-making. We both want happiness. We both feel like we've done all we can. We both believe being single in this point in our lives will bring us much more happiness or even just happiness than being married. I certainly feel this way. I love my husband. I care for him. I don't want harm done to him. I am no longer in love with him. I don't want to be touched by him, kissed, in the presence of him, etc. etc. It shouldn't be this way. My husband has done a 360 degree turnaround since I first told him about 5 months ago when I told him I didn't want to get married or be married and that I was leaving. These thoughts I have felt the year and half we've been married. The thought I had that when he proposed I should have said "no" but couldn't. I was afraid of his reaction. Afraid to hurt him as LA seems to have felt also. It's refreshing to see see someone else was in a similar boat bc I often think I am the only person in the world who has felt/does feel this way. I, too, know what a marriage is about. However, I don't feel I am ABOUT that, esp. with my husband. We have different views on things, different expectations, etc. We knew these things going in to the marriage. This was one sign that I should have headed to in helping me say "no", that I shouldn't get married when I did. However, we both went in I guess thinking that these changes and ideas would change and they haven't. If I get the opportunity to do it again (remarry), I know better how to handle the situation and that definitely discussing marital issues in depth is important and vital. Making sure what both parties are seeking out of the marriage is important. I did not have adequate premarital counseling. <BR>Good luck LA and I'm sure it will work out for the best. I have given my marriage and this whole situation to God a long time ago and I've prayed that he will work it out and send it into the direction it should go. I've prayed that we can both be happy and I have faith that this will happen when the time is right for both of us. <BR>Take Care.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>