Three weeks and still no word from my stbx, it's as if since I left I am out of sight, out of mind. I passed out last night in my friend's room and woke up there this morning. I vaugely remember being picked up and tucked in last night but I was just so worn out from job hunting(mixed with a bit of drinking when I got home, yes I know bad.)that I don't remember much. I felt someone beside me and very groggily said my H's name. I can't explain the crushing dissapointment I felt when I opened my eyes and saw where I was. I fel somewhat badly for looking dissapointed, it's not that I wasn't happy to see my friend but.... <BR> It's as if my h has just dissapeared, no contact of any sort, no nothing. This is so painful and I wish to God that the man could understand how painful. <BR> I'm not one to wish ill on anyone but I sincerly hope that one day(hopefully soon) that the OW screws up big time and steps all over him. I know I should do what everyone tells me and only hope for the best for him, but I can't. Not when I wake up from bad dreams every morning and raging dissapointment at the fact that nothing has changed.<p>[This message has been edited by Nduli2 (edited March 27, 2001).]

(((((((Nudli2)))))))))))<P>I had a terrible night last night and know just what you are talking about. The crushing dissapointment upon waking. I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that H came back, took me in his arms and said he was sorry and he was coming back. During my dream I could hear my self say please let this be real and not just a dream. When I woke alone in our bed I was crushed. <P>Just wish my H could live one day of this emotional hell he is putting me through.

(((((Nudli2)))))<P>It sounds like you might be in the start of a depression too possibly. Job hunting alone is stressful. Losing your partner, even worse. I drink when I get real down too,and that also makes me feel SO much worse . <P>Try and take some time to do something positive for yourself, no matter how little it is, a long bubble bath, a manicure, a girlfriend doing your hair for you, something to cheer you up a little.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

I had one of those the other day Hopeless, the h came back to me saying he finally realized that the OW was all wrong for him and could I ever forgive him. I just answered the door of the apartment I'm staying in and there he was, all tears and apologies. Of course, dreams have not been coming true lately.....<BR> I just want to have my h back, no strings attached, no recriminations, nothing. I realize how much I love this man and the depth of it. After all this I still love him. It's not a love borne of neediness but rather I miss having him around to talk to, to share things with. So much has happened to me(good and bad) in the last few weeks and I can share none of it with him. This really sucks.

DanaB, you're probably right. I thought I hit that wall a while ago but it seems to be rearing it's ugly head again. Not in the same hysterical manner as before but just a nagging meloncholy that won't go away.<BR> The seasons are changing at usually at this time of the year my h and I would come out of hibernation and start playing tennis and going on hikes. I'm going to miss those things and I dearly miss the place where I used to live. <BR> God, he has taken so much from me in such a short period of time. We just married this past Oct.(lived together for 8 1/2 years prior) and now it's almost April and my marriage and life is shattered. How could he trash everything so quickly? I wsa never even given a chance.

I fill your pian it has been over a month since my W and I seperated and i still wake up almost every night and expect to find her next to me. The los of intimacy is devistating i find my self crying alot. I now have a room i a friends house. But it is so empty. So many little things the smell of her shampoo after she showers, the way she ruffles the blanket on the sofa. Just the touch of another person. GOD i hate this!!!!! I do now know what the real meaning of homelss is<BR>