<BR>ARGH! <P>Ever since we got married, I've done the taxes. He wouldn't let me know what was going on financially, but every year come tax time, I was the one that got to do the taxes.<P>So what happens now? NOW he wants us to do them together! He wanted me to come over to his place and do the taxes. <P>Just now, when I told him on the phone that I wanted to do them without him, he blew up. He doesn't trust me?!?!?! He wanted to do them with me because he doesn't trust me?! He's the one that left. He's the one having the affair. He's the one that filed for divorce. He's the one that stopped our marriage counselling. And he doesn't trust me?!<P>I didn't want to do them with him because I'm afraid of being hurt by him even more. I'm afraid to be around him. I don't know what he'll do. I don't know him anymore. <P>It was agreed in our temporary settlement (back in Feb.) that he'd give the paperwork to me to get the taxes done. No matter how many times I asked for the information, he wouldn't even discuss it with me. I had to go back to my attorney in order to get some action on this.<P>My father does seasonal work for the IRS, manning the help phone lines. He knows this tax stuff. If I have any problems, I know he'll be there to help me. And I know that when I'm finished I can hand it to him and he'll go over it with a magnifying glass.<P>Then I'll have to hand it over to my stbx for a signature anyway. He'll get a chance to go over it himself before it's sent in.<P>HE doesn't trust me. <P>He's still casting himself as the victim. He thinks that I'm some sort of controlling and abusive b****. That I've been using him and taking advantage of him.<P>This man who I admired and loved. Who made me feel worthless and good-for-nothing. Who told me that my opinions and my needs did not matter. Who did whatever the h*** he wanted. Who abused our finances. Who destroyed rather than built.<P>No, I wasn't THE perfect wife. The wave after wave of medical problems weren't my fault. How I dealt with them was; but it was also his job to tell me when I was messing up or needed a different type of help, and he didn't do that. How he and his friends treated me IS his fault. I did stand up for myself. I did bring it to his attention. I did plead for his help. But one person can endure such for only so long before collapsing under it all.<P>I know that the fault is not all mine. I know that it's not all his. But he's still saying that it is all mine. He treats me that way. <P>He is so lost. <BR>[And I had to open another box of tissue today.]<P>Thanks for listening,<BR>~Amy

Dear OOTF,<P>I am the BS and always the one to do the taxes. Last year when WS out playing the field, I was doing late nights cramming to get the taxes done by the deadline. I did not receive any help from WS and yet he is the one with a side business. Mine is a simple W2 from 1 employer. Profit and loss statements, itemizing all receipts, stock +/- (day trader losses), etc.<P>Then WS had the nerve to insinuate to OW that I did not help him 'succeed' in his business. Right, I just did all the taxes stuff. Then OW accused me of making him fail in his business. Oh yea, she was going to make him a sucess. Go ahead honey, it will take a lot of work when he sits back and expects you to do it all for him. <P>Anyway, this year I told H, he can file his own taxes. H said he was thinking about not filing at all. Break the law? I already talked to my accountant and he will be getting my paperwork soon. <P>Who has it together? I worry about my stuff. Unfortunately, this no fault for better or worse or worse state that I live in makes me liable for his debts equally as much as H is. So I have to be prepared, otherwise, they may make us share cells. YUCK.<P>L.<BR>

L/Orchid,<P>Thank goodness I haven't had to deal with a business and stocks. That's one of the reasons I've been doing them, they've been fairly simple. This will be our first year to itemize.<P>I don't know why these men say that we're such horrible women when we try to help them and support their efforts 110%. I did the same with my stbx's goals in the martial arts. I learned what he was doing, inside and out. And he's had the audacity to come back and say that I've been riding his coattails! When I've made significant contributions in my own right. Sure, I ask for his opinion on things. But that is because I respect[ed?] him and recognized that my actions reflected on him, regardless of if he agreed with them or not. I didn't ride his coattails, but there was no question that we were 'attached' to each other in the minds of many people. In fact, this whole divorce thing blindsided many people because they thought we had the perfect marriage --- a fighter, and a wife who offered her husband no competition but understood combat well and completely supported her husband. I think some men and women were jealous of us. Women because I have an interest and understand what is going on. Men because they only wished they had the kind of support I gave my husband.<P>Anyway, I went out and bought some books yeasterday:<BR> - "Why Men Leave"<BR> - "Living with the Passive Agressive Man"<BR> - "The Grieving Handbook"<P>The last one was recommended by my therapist. The first two I'm reading, and seriously thinking about passing on to my stbx. <P>I don't think he's aware of what he's doing, or why. <P>I got in touch with the person in his only other serious relationship. She and I are SO much alike. It's rather frightening. And the OW is a lot like us too. <P>The scary thing is, there's a definite pattern to how he behaves. But I don't understand it, what can be done about it, how to respond, or anything. And we have a daughter, so I'm going to be dealing with this man for the rest of her life. I've got to be able to co-parent with him. <P>I've got to understand what is going on and why. And I want to help him to understand. That's the best way I can help us and our daughter at this time. The fighting, the blaming, have got to end. <P>We've got to communicate.<P>Thanks for listening again,<BR>~Amy

My X wants me to pay the ENTIRE tax payment, and<BR>she did not have taxes withheld from her<BR>partime job, and I was "nice" to not include her<BR>part time pay in the CS payment.<P>She is a math teacher of 20 years, and doesn't understand<BR>why when she makes so "little", and had all our exemptions,<BR>all our cafeteria plan benefits, and I had zero exemptions, added extra money per month,<P>why I am asking her to pay her portion of the tax bill?<P>WS and Foggy spouses are the pits.