My wife and I divorced 2 yrs. ago after being married for 7 yrs. We were young when we married and also expecting a child. However, i was happy to marry her and looking forward to our future together.<p>We both finished college while working and raising our wonderful son. This left little time for us to spend together. Over a few years we seemed to move in different directions and "worked against each other." <p>Before the divorce I mentioned seeking help, but this was not an option for her. I am the one who filed; but I feel like she "left" several years before it came down to this.<p>Neither of us have dated but she says that she wants to. MY PROBLEM is that I can't go on. I miss my family life and don't care to date. <p>I am still in love with her. I live with the fear of her moving on. This whole thing has been much harder than I expected.<p>Our son seems to have handled it well. I am afraid things will change when another man comes into his life. I don't want him to have a step parent or step/half siblings.<p>This is almost too much for me to handle. In another post Janet suggested that I seek help in a divorce support group. This would be too embarrassing for me. Things of this nature isn't as easy for guys.<p>I just wish that she would give this another chance. Neither of us come from broken homes, we love each other's parents, we don't have any bad habits, there was no cheating, and we both are good parents and love our son very much.<p>My primary concern is what will happen if she moves on. I'm afraid that a lot will change.<p>

Sounds like your wife fell out of love with you so to speak. Usually almost always there is another man involved, but you say she has not dated but was thinking about it. Why did you file for divorce if you didnt want it? Did she pressure you? I'm so sorry for what you are going thru and I feel you should swallow your pride and get counceling. It's obvious she has moved on, and so should you. The only other thing I can suggest is pray for the Lord's will in your life. Many would say that is a cop-out, but prayer is the best thing I know of to solve problems. Just be prepared for what God's answer may be. If your ex wife is surviving fine without you, and you have done everything humanly possible to reconcile with her then you must accept it. After all it has been 2 years. If she expresses no desire to get back together with you after 2 years then you need to accept it and get counceling for your pain and depression, support groups, etc...<br>God does have a plan for you beyond what you can see now. It's very difficult to see a future through the eyes of sorrow, but please know that there are others hurting as you are. Please get help. Your pastor or a pastor. God bless you.

Good Morning Pete -- <br>It's a new day and the rest of your life is ahead of you. What you make it is up to you. There is life after divorce. I found it and you can too. I was a man facing divorce after 27 years. It took me 2 years to admit it happened and that I was not going to be able to fix it myself. It's tough for a man to ask for help. There is plenty of love out here Pete. There are so many of us who have gone through this experience that you will be surprised. We found a way through and we are here to share it with you. Don't ever forget, God made you and God don't make junk. <br>Good Luck and God Bless<br>Bob rsltexas@swbell

Pete -<br>I understand what you are going thru so very well as I am and have been in that same boat too. (and we have 2 kids together) First for you, I must say that before you decide to move on with your life, I hope that you have had some time to really sit down and tell your ex how you are feeling and what you want for the two of you and your child. I know people here have said you must move on ( and I agree with that when you have resolved with your EX that it is over for her) - but I also think that if there is a chance of keeping your family together - its "well" worth it! I had a sister and a sister in law who both divorced and remarried their ex's. (One remarried after 2 years and one remarried after 1 year) - unfortunately for me, that wasn't able to happen. But I have seen it happen and I have seen it work and be good and much better than it was the first time! Of course, I haven't read your history and don't know if you have already attempted a reconciliation with your ex. I would hope that you would at least try that route first. Sometimes its hard for any of us to go back (like me) after being the one who filed for divorce and ask for another chance - and I am sure that counseling would have to be involved - but it can work if you think you can both give it a shot. First and foremost, you should be honest with her and talk, talk, talk. I think any family is worth saving and I would go to any effort to try that first. <br>As for moving on, yes, you would have to do that after your attempts are exhausted. If she absolutely does not want it - but let me warn you - it doesn't happen overnite. Don't feel bad that after 2 years you don't feel like you can move on. It takes a long time. It takes even longer when your kids are involved. When you share time with your kids - you are in continual contact and that makes it tougher to break the ties also. People here have told me that I should arrange not to see my ex when he comes, etc., but I tend to think thats childish (just my opinion) and that the moving along just comes with time and from the heart. I can attest to the fact that is is hard when the other party moves on. My ex was dating "before" our divorce was final. If thats not a slap in the face. Of course, it did help in my "moving along" process. After a period of time, you feel as if you have no choice and have to move on. I too, after 3 years of divorce, remarried. (and I am still married to that man - its been almost 7 yrs). Me and my ex have continual contact and have actually become friends after years. Our kids have become "both" of our focal point - but I know its harder on him than it is on me. He has divorced twice since our marriage and he is the one who doesn't have his kids living with him. I have learned to cope over time (almost 10 yrs since our divorce) - but moving on hasn't happened altogehter for me though. I did have one counselor tell me that when you marry and have a bond of children together, you never totally let things go - and I haven't, but I have accepted it all and learned to go on that way. It has been a long, hard road - and like you, my advice to others here has been to try, try, try to work their marriages out for the sake of the heartache and pain - but it just always isn't able to happen as it wasn't for me. My life is happy now and I feel content - my children love me and their father and spend a lot of time with him - so the long end of it has turned out well - but the hurt still lives on - we just find ways to cover it up. Good luck to you and before you decide to move on and that its over - please give it a shot of talking with her. <p>[This message has been edited by Cndy (edited 02-08-99).]

hopeful2, RSL, and Cndy<br> Thanks for your replies. I have been trying to talk to her. I mentioned to her that we should take six months to work on our relationship (seek phone councelling, buy books, vidios, etc.) <br> She doesn't seem intersted. I wish that she would at least try. <br> I look back now and wonder Were we would be if we were still together. We both have good jobs. It's a shame that this had to happen.<br> I used to tell friends and family that this isn't bothering me. Now I tell anyone who will listen that I am TRYING to make things right.<br> I talked to a friend yesterday at work whos parents divorced when he was young. He is 30 yrs. old now a it is still painful for him. He said that when he was young he felt like he had to please both sets of parents. He was always scared he was hurting ones feelings by spending time with the others. He said he got to where he dreaded Chrismas and other holidays.<br> I sure don't want this for my son. I wish he had a brother or sister because that way he wouldn't be in it alone when things get rough. <br> A few days ago his Mom and i were sitting in front of this computer when he came between us and put his arms around us. What does that tell you? We looked at scanners the other day at office depot. I told him that we could take a picture of him and his dog and set it as wallpaper on our computer. He informed me that he would rather put a picture of his mom on our computer. <br> Well, keep your questions, comments, opinions, etc. comming. It does help to here from you!<br> Pete<br>

oh, pete....god bless you!!<p>janet was right (she & i have become good friends over the failing of our marriages)...it REALLY WOULD HELP to go to a support group.<p>my H left just two months ago, and i have experiencd more pain than i could ever imagine. we do not have children, but i am having a very hard time letting go of our beautiful ten year marriage. he was definitely the BEST thing that ever happened to me, and i hate this separartion more than anything in the world. i would give anything to have my life back. he was my whole family (we live eight hours from home).he is ready for a divorce, and i'm still grieving.<p>anyhow, i have attended three different types of support groups & found that they literally SAVED MY LIFE. i was so depressed, i could have easily killed myself ( or him). the groups helped me realize that my feelings were normal, and that i could go on to live a happy life after this.<p>my point is, in divorce groups, they tel you that it can take two to three years to heal. that you need to focus on yourself and your future, and to let go of living in the past. i have wanted so desperately to hold on to the past, because it was wonderful in my eyes, but i am working on letting it go. for my own sanity. and the groups have realy helped me. i've learned that some people can hold on to their old lives for 4, 5, 10 or 15 years!!!! this is NOT healthy!! You are young... you have a whole life ahead of you. me too. we need to move forward. <p>believe me, i know that moving forward is terribly difficult. i struggle EVERY moment of EVERY day, but i think i have healed better in two months than soempeopele have healed in several years. groups and counseling and talking to friends/family have truly saved me from the death of my LIFE.<p>i know it's hard to talk to people in a group (i HATE that), but once i made the first call, and went to the first group, i was ok. i actually look forward to my groups more than anything else during the week, now. <p>please consider getting help for yourself. check under the internet under "DivorceCare" support groups. call counselors. you will NOT heal well, if you don't start taking care of yourself. <p>i can be reached by email if you'd like to talk more! please think about it!<br>sunnysherri@yahoo.com<p>my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. please take care of yourself, for you and for HIM! bless you>

Thanks Disillusioned,<p>I know there are thousands of people going through the same thing we are. How do some handle it so well? How do they bounce back so quick? Why can't we? Right?<p>I'm glad that you are doing better. It is easy to see that you still love him. My situation is grim, at best. For me letting go is impossible. My son and I sent her a dozen roses for Valentines Day. She seemed more concerned on how much they cost than on what they symbolized.<p>I will look at the site you mentioned (i bought this computer for my son and I'm using it more than him.) I found an article that may help you. Go to www.divorceonline.com/articles. The article is called "Let Go.... "<p>This site also has a Forum called He Said, She Said that may help you. My user name in their forum is Easton.<p>Thank you again for responding, I'll be thinking about you.<p>Pete<br>