Well, I am back to vent a little here. Actually to cry more than anything. How could I be so blind? I got more information yesterday that confirmed that there was at least one other affair last summer. All the signs were there, and I even had a sneaky suspicion that something was going on, but I chose to believe that she would not do anything like this. And now I wake up every morning wondering how my children are doing. Wondering what she is telling them about me. The thought of not being able to see my 8 yo son is truly hurting me. If she wanted to hurt me for whatever warped reason that she had, she has succeeded. She succeeded long before she took the kids. What would possess someone to do this to her own children? I am truly lost at this point. <P>My brother and his wife have moved in with me. This helps make the days and evening go by a little better. The friends that we had together, have now chosen sides, and are ready to back me 100% on anything I decided to do, and my family has been more than supportive. But there is something missing. I want my kids back. This is the worst feeling in the world! <P>My doctor has started me on some Zoloft to help with the depression. And I have extended my time off from work to help me get through this. I am trying to find things to do to occupy my time, but whatever I do, my thoughts always wander back to my kids. This makes my days very dreary, even on the nicest days. <P>I thought that I knew this person that I married. And in a way, I did know the person that I married, but this person that is doing these things to me is not the person that I knew and loved. That person has disappeared and is now replaced by this spiteful, awful person. I have always had a theory about people like this, and this just makes my theory that much strong; There are aliens among us!! <P>Thanks to everyone that has responded with thoughts and prayers. This means so much to me. Strangers are willing to give more than the person that was suppose to love me forever.<P>Griz<BR>

((((Griz))))<P>Aaaaah, but we are not strangers.....we are all bound under that same sad fellowship of those who have suffered the tradgedy of infidelity and heartbreak. We understand like no one else does exactly what you are living, minute by minute.<P><BR>You are in my prayers.<P>--BR

{{{{{{GRIZ}}}}}<P>Sorry to hear about the confirming off another affair. <P>It truly sounds like you are on the right path though. Taking the meds will help, I didn't have that luxury since my ex cut off my insurance illegally. Living with someone will help fill that loneliness and having support (not just taking sides), but true support will also get you thru this. <P>On top of that, you have a great support system here, so use it to vent when you have to!<P>As for the kids, I would try to keep civil and calm with the ex to preserve whatever you can when it comes time to getting your visitation in court.<P>If I'm not mistaken, the 8 year old wasn't yours, or that might be someone else on the board. There has to be some protection for men who raise a child from a baby and grow to love that child as their own, even if it wasn't a legal adoption. Maybe a seperate thread on the GQ board can get some info on that.<P>Good luck and hang in there, Dana<BR>

Griz,<P>I don't know what to say; I feel the same pain on the days when my kids are with my W, when I walk past their empty rooms and beds, with their stuffed animals still there...<P>Did you check into your legal rights regarding the kids? Certainly you have rights to custody of your 2 yo (?). ANd I'd think you should have <B>some</B> rights to at least see the 8 yo?? Have you asked a lawyer about this?<P>I'm really sorry!<P>AGG

((((((Griz))))))<P>Talk to the lawyer about the children. I know that it costs money on the front end but it may be worth so much more down the line.<P>I'm sorry to hear about the distress. I'm glad you have support from your family and friends. In addition to them and to your meds, do you have a counselor to help you deal with the devastation you are feeling emotionally?<P>I really feel like I owe my emotional health to mine.

(((((GRIZ))))<P>Wish they could live one day in our lives right now!!! <P>I have not had to go through a weekend without my children yet but it is only a matter of time. I so dread that day. Everyone advises to go do something nice for yourself but everything I can think of to do only depresses me because it is either something I would rather be doing as a family or all I see are happy families and/or smiling wifes. It hurts so much.<P>Hope your days get better.

I have talked to my lawyer about my 8 yo son. Because he is not biologically mine (make no mistake, he is mine in every other way), under the law I have no rights to him at all. I still have rights to my 2 yo, and this will keep me somewhat a part of his life, at least through his sister. But other than that, my hands are tied. <P>I still pray that when it is all said and done, that she will do what is best for him. And hopefully that will include time with me.<P>And, yes I can honestly say that you are not <I>strangers</I>. You are all <B>friends</B>. <P>Griz

Trust me you're going to be the one who comes out on the top, I believe no one cries more than I do, mental abuse is by far worse than physical.

Griz,<P>if your ex doesn't let you see the son even though he is not yours biologically, after everything you've done for him, then it is really sad for the child because he will suffer the most from this. It would also appear she would be using him to hurt you, again, very sad for the child. The only thing I can think of , is keept he lines open with him somehow, can you coach a little league team for him in the summer, anything at all to have contact? What does the lawyer say about what HIS (the child) right is in all this, what if he wants to see you, can he see you on his own when he is 12 or anything at all?<P>

Griz, sorry I'm a little late to reply.<BR>((((((((GRIZ))))))))<P>I am so sorry for the pain you are in and I will keep you in my prayers. I understand your pain. I don't have any children, but I still understand. You already know, but the support we receive here is a true life saver. <BR>I have been on the receiving end of both physical and mental abuse, and this mental anguish is by far the worst.<P>Keep posting and the meds should help. It sounds like you are getting great support from your family and friends too. I know, we want support and love from the one who is inflicting the pain. <P>Again, I'm am sorry for your pain. Hang in there<BR>Love,<BR>Petrie<p>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited March 30, 2001).]