H is coming home this weekend to see kids and he also wants to discuss financial issues related to D (ie what kids and I need to live/month). I'm sick to my stomach at having to deal with this, think I'm on the verge of a panic attack. <P>Question is: Do I stay at the house with H and kids or should I get a hotel for the night. Seeing him hurts so much and he is nice to me when he is here. I am certain he still harbors feeling for me but has pushed them aside. He still gets tears in eyes when we hug so for that reason I think I should stay here. But on the other hand a dose of reality may do him some good. With me not around he would see what his weekend with the kids would be like. That coupled with the money talk may make him think? Suppose it is a crap shoot either way. He is determined to carry through with the D at his point. His walls are firmly in place. <P>I'm sure there is no right answer to my question but just thought that opinions from outside my emotionally weakened brain would help.<P>Thanks.<P>

He should stay there... <P>...make up the couch for him... don't "expect" him to sleep with you... <P>I hope he comes "home" this weekend and ends up never leaving! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

I'm going to read between the lines and assume that you are still residing with the children. And probably in the marital home.<P>If that is the case, don't you dare leave the house even for the weekend - especially if he is the one who moved out. Why would you need to inconvenience yourself for him?<P>If he must stay there, he can sleep in his car, the dog's house, on the couch in the playroom in the basement or den. Or he can sleep elsewhere. And I suggest you not talk when the children are around especially if emotions may get in the way.<P>

Figure out the money--everything; down to the last can of hairspray. Then add some for emergencies. Like 15%. Start high, negotiate down from there. Why can't <I>he</I> get a hotel room? Why should <I>he</I> be welcome to stay at your home? <I>That</I> would be a dose of reality. You haven't changed the locks yet, have you?

He hasn't moved out. That is the thing. His job sets him up in whatever town the current job is in. This contract is over at the end of April. Can not get any answer as to what he plans to do then. He tells me so very little about what his plans are and what he is doing these days I have very little to go on.<P>SISYPHUS: Yes you are right. I have been racking my brain trying to think of every little detail. There are times when I wished I had been a real spender so my lifestyle was a little more pricey.<P>This all sucks so much!!!!<P>So far I'm staying home. When I told him that I might do that he said he did not want me to. Did not want me to be alone!! And your divorcing me does not leave me alone Explain that one to me again... Please.<P>

Hopeless,<P>Let me be blunt. Had I looked at the "signs" back before my divorce became final --<P>His crying when he hugged me<BR>His dropping by every day<BR>His calling at five every day - just like before he left<P>Had I kept my eyes opened, and seen the signs that HE WAS STILL INTERESTED in working on the marriage... EVEN IF HE DIDN'T SAY SO... I would have stayed, asked him back home, and worked it out - or at least TRIED.<P>If you want to work it out -- don't shut him out. You owe it to yourself... regrets suck.

New_Beginning<P>Thanks so much for your words of encouragement.<P>I'm so confussed emotionally that I'm sure I do not think straight at times. Someone on the outside looking in sure helps!!<P>

I'm with everyone else, don't you dare leave your home for him! <P>Make up the couch or the spare room, or let him get the hotel room. <P>((hugs)) BR

Hi Hopeless, <P>I have some friends who have tried to help me, and I didn't always listen -- and I mean real life friends, and friends here. I didn't want to listen. I had my mind made up. Now I'm starting over with someone else, and it's not easy.<P>You have to do what YOU think is right for your situation. Only YOU know your H, and only YOU know your heart -- well, and God too! But I think you get my drift.<P>Get some rest over the next two days, meditate and/or pray, take a bath... relax. You can do this. And if it doesn't work as you planned, you'll know you did your best, and all that you could.<P>Hugs, <P><BR>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited March 29, 2001).]

Dear Hope,<P>Ok since we run in the same direction and approx. the same time. Mine event is happening tonight. <P>Remember this is your home. At this time he is a guest. He needs to remember that. Hope he does. <P>Unfortunately, you will need to the keeper of what is rational. I have written out everything. Actually we are going to make another attempt to complete the meeting from Monday night, when H walked out from BIL's house. <P>Not sure if BIL or FIL will be sitting in on this meeting. H said to choose the place and time. I chose his place at 7:30pm PST. He said no, then I said OW's place at 7:30pm. He said no. Guess it will have to be my house, but I am not comfortable since H has a tendancy to run away (major conflict avoider). Ostrich syndrome (puts head in the sand and but up in the air - high exposure!). I am thinking of BIL's house if BIL will allow it. <P>Anyway, hang in there. We are both nervous but also you & I are going to remain the rational and calm ones right? Hope that rubs off on the spouses. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P><BR>

Orchid,<P>Will be thinking of you tonight. Hope he can make it throught the discussion for your sake.<P>Let us know how it goes. My husband is so calm about it all that that in itself drives me crazy. Like he is a robot almost. Does this whole thing really not have any effect on him?<P>Take Care,<BR>A

Dear Hope, <P>I'm on my lunch and have a meeting in 5 minutes. <P>I think this is affecting your H more than you know. Mine it is affecting him and driving him a bit nuts. He says he is now stressing. Wow, only now? <P>Anyway, I will definitely notify you. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Hi HopeAZ,<P>Well, had my meeting. Turned out to be scenes from a bad movie. SIL talked with her brother and he made her cry. FIL talked with his son and really got nowhere. Then it was my turn..... I wrote what happened on the post: 5 steps of grieving on this d/d site. I don't want to take too much room here. <P>Anyway, I hope you encounter has better results. If your H is coming of his own request, then your chances sound better than mine. It was so hard to listen to his SIL crying and my FIL feeling helpless. Yet they all managed to strengthen me. I had to deal with WS earlier today and the outcome was less than I had expected. <P>Keep in touch.<P>L.<BR>