So my H moved out to the #2 OW house and took his clothes last night. He has been paying the bills but what if he stops. How do I protect myself. <P>I am a stay at home mom with 3 kids (5,3,2). I stopped the Divorce that I initiated but I feel that I must protect myself and stufff. Should I get an attorney just to f"gear" up for the ride?<P>I want to get a new attorney, someone aliitle more "aggressive" H, you want to play, you got to Pay.<P>I don't want him to live in the gutter, so to speak, but I don't want to have to change my life and the kids anymore than I have to because you are unhappy.<P>What is the next step in this ugly process. Do I allow him to take more than just his clothes? etc.<P>Plan A, Plan B, Divorce Plan. Somehow I think that he is going to crash. I still love the idiot. Maybe I am the idiot.<P>Whoa is me. <P>Thoughts and suggestions from people who have been there, done that would be helpful. <P>HOpelessmom<BR>I wan

Dear Hope,<P>Do you have a family court type of system there in your state or county? They may have free legal advice and can help you get money before the D. <P>Just a thought. <P>L.

Legal separation laws in your state may provide you some protection. <P>You need to find out your rights!!! Lawyers often provide their initial consultation for free - take advantage of that! Call several lawyers, take your list of questions, and find out what they have to say!<P>There's also a great divorce support website that you might find some practical advice on: <A HREF="http://www.divorceonline.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorceonline.com</A> <P>--BR

Hi,<P>If you still want to save the marriage then I would stay in Plan A. I'd stay in Plan A til your completely ready for Plan B. If your not sure what you want, then I would find a different lawyer, one that you get a good recommendation from another friend on, and file something to protect yourself and the kids. It doesn't have to be divorce, it could be child support, maintanence, or something. The lawyer will tell you the options. In my state, the WS was not responsible for anything until something was filed, so no backpay was ordered. ALso, unless I filed something for him NOT to take anything, he legally could have taken anything he wanted.<P>Thats great for you if he's paying everything now. Realistically, there are a lot of women on this board, who were stay at home mom's and H left for OW. I would NOT count on his money to keep coming, because OW will want that for herself. You might need to talk to the lawyer and develop a plan, because if you do divorce, you won't get enough to survive from your H, you'll need to work somehow.<P>Right now, I do home daycare. This works for me because I stay home with my kids, they are in their own environment, I don't have to pay daycare, I can set my prices and answer to no one. I've done this 3 years though, and am ready to go back to work soon. But it might be something you can think about if you need income and can't find sitters, don't have work clothes, or need time to decide what you really want to do.<P>So really, probably a lawyer is the best place to start. <P>Good luck, Dana<BR>

Dear Hope, <P>Been thinking about you. How are you doing today?<P>L.<BR>

Orchid, thanks for thinking of me. I post all over the place. Mostly here, GCII and sometimes Recovery. I like to get inspiration and see what else everybody else has to deal with. <P>I have appt. with new atty on thurs. I jsut posted a on GCII about LB, you can catch up there. <P>Do you know anything about exit affairs? Maybe this was/is one. I mean, he says he has moved on with his life and he is sorry if I can't get over it. Most people who I have confided in say I am not crazy, that I am doing the right thing but sometimes , I DON'T WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING.<P>He just asked me as he picked up kids to take them to HER house and Her family, that we needed to talk like Adults. LOL, I am more of an adult than you are you stupid A@@.<P>This is just taking up too much effort and time. I want to go on, and I am but what does that mean. I don't want a job and have to put my babies in Daycare. What does going on with your lifemean? I am making friends and doing things, I definitly don't want a man but part of me does. I want my man the way he was. he was my best friend.<P>I better go out for a walk to calm down, again.<P>Email address orchid?<P>Hopelessmom

Dear Hope, <P>You know I am feeling the same way, am I in the acceptance mode? Am I ready to move forward one step at a time? Yes<BR>I am feeling stronger. I would like to share with you 2 very special persons who have helped me today. Please read the post entitled: question to SoTired2000. Hey, I am not advertising this, but both BrambleRose and SoTired2000 really helped me. Gave me that swift kick in the pants to pull me out of the depths of despair. You & I are traveling down this road about the same time and speed. There words were like medicine to my bruised and battered soul. Hope it helps you. <P>As you requested: lhmkem@yahoo.com<P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P><BR>

Dear Hope,<P>I know you will be busy today with your appointment. Just checking to see how you are doing. <P>L.

L<P>Saw atty. Well, I guess when I told first atty I wanted to stop divorce, that never really happened because I haven't signed any official document. <P>Basically, the best way to protect myself right now is to continue with divorce and get a separation agreement. Because he could stop paying bills, etc and then we can immediately go to court if need be. Also, If he wants back in house, I have to let him.<P>So I guess I am going forward. I just posted in GCII. Having a I am woman Day.<P>I am just sick of this crap.<P>Hopelessmom