i have been married for less than 2 years and have been having a problem for the past 6 months. my husband seems to think that there is nothing wrong with having sex once every 3-4 weeks. i think this is very dangerous in a new marriage. the lack of phsical contact as well as emotional is starting to make me have very bitter feelings towards him. the last time we had sex, it had been 3 weeks since the prior time, he lost it (erection) half way through our lovemaking. this was very frustrating for me, but he said not to worry, it was no big deal. i don't see it this way. is it possible that he is being unfaithful? i confronted him with that issue, which he of course, denied. i don't want to believe that he is, but i'm beginning to wonder. i'm not an unattractive woman (43 yrs. old - i work out 4-5 times per week), so i don't think it's that. i would appreciate any input that anyone might could provide. i really want to do everything i can to save my marriage and i see things headed down a bad street if not corrected. thanks...

Hi tlbirdie <p>How's your relationship outside of the bedroom? Is your husband affectionate otherwise? Were there any other changes in your lives that coincided with his change in the bedroom?<p>I agree that meaningful touch (including sex) is an indespensible part of a relationship. Think I read that a minimum of seven hugs per day can actually lengthen our lives.

Hi tlbirdie. I've posted before because of my husband's lack of sex drive. Sounded the same for us--except it had been once every month or two(or three), until my drive came back (with a vengence!), and his didn't budge. He, like your H, would lose his erection half way through. I had a hard time not taking it personally. But he was exhausted all the time, and didn't have a want to do anything. The times he would lose his erection was when I initiated, and he didn't really feel like it-but tried anyway for me. He could get excited enough to start, but didn't have enough in him to finish.<p>If you've read my story, you're familiar with what I've discovered. I realized that my H has sleep apnea, which causes him to have no energy--also because I forced him to go to the doctor, we found out he has low thyroid which also causes tiredness and lack of energy, and on top of that his testosterone level is low. All this causes low sex drive. He also didn't think there was a problem-he was content with what sex life we had. But this lack of close, physical contact had slowly and eventually almost destroyed our bond. I prayed that God would make our marriage be what He wants it to be, and that's when my sex drive came back, which eventually caused me to find out what health problems my H has. Now we are closer than ever, and hopefully when he's treated for his conditions--we can get on with our marriage relationship, and make it the way God wants it to be.<p>Is your H tired a lot--has he been working more than he used to? Look into that aspect of the situation. Have you asked him why he doesn't feel like having sex more often? Have you told him you'd like to more often? What is his response? My H feels a lot of pressure to perform when he knows I'm in the mood (especially when he feels tired), so I try to keep things low key.<p>I hope some of this stuff helps.

our relationship outside the bedroom is up and down. i'm a communicator and he's not. he doesn't want to discuss anything that we disagree on. he feels that ignoring it is the best way and it will get better. he has a real problem with conflict. i'm the exact opposite. i feel that if you deal with a problem right away, the problem is corrected or has the chance of being corrected. if not discussed, it just simmers. i know you must wonder how we ever married if we don't see eye to eye on a seemingly simple thing. before we married, he said that he felt the same way as i do...have a problem...talk about it. since we've been married, it's been the exact opposite. i'm sure this bothers me sub-consciously.<p>as far as whether my H is working more than usual and if this could be affecting his sexual desire, the answer to that is no. he is actually in terrific shape since he works out about 4-5 times a week. i don't know what the problem is and am getting very frustrated even trying to figure it out. i've tried to talk to him about it, but he just says that if i want to have sex, i should approach him...basically the fault is mine. so then it becomes a kind of tug of war...who's going to make the first move.<p>i don't know the answer...if he's not being unfaithful, he sure has lost his sex drive compared to when we first got married about less than 2 years ago. i want to go to counseling, but he doesn't see why we need it. any ideas? thanks for your input...it's very much appreciated.<p>tlbirdie

I'm just taking a clue from one thing you said your husband told you. You said he told you that if you wanted to have sex, then you should tell him. Well, I could be wrong, but have you wondered if maybe he's resentful that he might be making most of the "first moves"? How often do you actually initiate sex with him? (By kissing him seductively, flirting obviously, or plain out saying "Wanna go have some fun?", etc.)Some guys do get tired of always making the first move, of always feeling if something is to get started, they HAVE to make the move, otherwise, nothing will get started!! Maybe he's feeling you don't want to have sex that much if you're not initiating, just waiting for him to do it. You say he's not much of a communicator, maybe he doesn't want to tell you that flat out. Maybe he is reading your actions louder than your words. I don't know if you do initiate sex fairly often or not, I'm just suggesting that if you generally don't, that might be part of the problem.